Bigby and Sirius, backdated to 18th Oct
Oct. 18th, 2014 03:31 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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om_mainFor the first time since he moved in Bigby feels like he's actually talking to Sirius, the boy behind the stupid pranks and smutty innuendos.
Warning: references to child abuse
It wasn't uncommon for Sirius to shift to dog form to lounge about the room especially since he had such an understanding roommate in Bigby. Sometime it was just relaxing, sometimes it could be a remedy to a bad day, either way at that moment he was stretched out on his own bed in dog form. Sometimes Padfoot got a little cheeky but mostly he kept to his bed whilst was ultimately a territory respect thing. Something necessary for harmonious living, Bigby wasn't James and wouldn't put up with the same stuff.
On the other side of the room, Bigby sat in his computer chair with his legs propped up on his bed. A textbook was balanced on his lap, his hand holding it at the top, tilting it up and keeping it there as he read. It wasn’t due until Monday, but he had three chapters to get through and, with all the other homework he had to do, he had to get it done now if he wanted any free time at all this weekend.
Without taking his eyes off his book, Bigby reached for the half-eaten protein bar on his desk and finished it off in two bites. He crumpled the wrapper and tossed it onto his desk. It bounced, then rolled to a stop amongst the empty wrappers from the three protein bars that had come before it.
Padfoot jumped down suddenly, scattering the wrappers with a bark. He didn't like the protein bars, they didn't smell good or even like food at all to him so he didn't even pause to pay attention to the wrappers.
Padding over to the wolf's bed, he nosed at the book and Bigby's nearest hand. Yes, there were boundaries and territory but Padfoot was still Sirius and he still had to test them.
Bigby’s eyes barely left the page as he lifted his hand to pat Padfoot on the head. “Want something?” he asked, looking up now that he’d finished reading the paragraph he’d been in the middle of. He gestured at the scattered wrappers, “You’re going to have to pick those up, you know.”
Padfoot let out an almost amused bark that almost definitely wasn't agreement. A quick, affectionate lick to Bigby's hand and he shifted back to human.
"Yeah, yeah, I'll play cleaner later. Promise." He told the other boy, with a somewhat tired nod.
Bigby arched an eyebrow, “Something wrong?” He closed his textbook, holding his place with a finger between the pages.
Still kneeling at the side of the bed, Sirius folded his arms on the covers and rested his chin on them, looking up at the other boy.
"Not wrong, not really." He closed his eyes and inhaled, the familiar wild wolf scent of Bigby that he loved filled his nostrils along with twists of his Australian boy. It was familiar and good, much better than the hotel rooms and planes he'd been existing on all summer. "Just...good to be back. Properly back."
The corner of Bigby’s mouth tugged with a barely there half-smile. “Mm, you’ve been busy,” he agreed, nodding a little. “Your show has had you all over the place.” So much so that he’d barely seen Sirius at all over the summer. But then, he had been busy too between work and spending time with John.
"All over the place, that's me." Literally and figuratively. "Never expected this place to feel like home. Or remotely peaceful for that matter." But he appreciated it.
Looking up at his roomie as his loose hair fell over his face a little more, Sirius smiled. "More peaceful when you had less of me in here, I assume?" He joked though it was a little muted as was the smile he wore.
“Quieter. But that tends to be the case when you go from sharing a room to living alone.”
Something was up. Sirius wasn’t acting like himself. Maybe he was imagining it, but he seemed subdued, like a duller, less colorful version of the Sirius he usually saw. “Is everything alright?” Bigby asked again. He wasn’t going to press, but he wouldn’t forgive himself if something was wrong and he hadn’t asked at least once more.
"I've been better." Sirius told him honestly, they lived together after all. He couldn't be shiny, happy Sirius from the TV all the time around Bigby. Besides, he liked the wolf and, yes, maybe he was more into the whole pack idea than Bigby and Remus seemed to be but maybe James had had a point when he'd said it was just another instance of Sirius looking to belong after being kicked out of his own family, even if he'd hated that family. Sirius kind of hated when James was right about that kind of shit.
Still, mostly he'd tried to be happy, shiny Sirius because it was easier and safer than letting Bigby see, well, everything else. But he didn't have the energy.
"Just a bit run down, is all. And, well, I spoke to my parents." Not by choice, he'd been blindsided by a shockjock who'd wanted to shitstir an already very messed up situation for a ratings boost. Asshole.
The corner of Bigby’s mouth curved, a barely there sign of a grimace. He’d heard enough about Sirius’ family to know what a chat with them had to be like. They were miserable assholes and that was both an understatement and an insult to miserable assholes everywhere.
“How did that go?” Bigby asked, setting his textbook aside on the computer desk.
"I was blindsided by an interviewer who had them on a Skype link. So coulda been better." He attempted a smile and a laugh at his situation, neither came out right. Unloading on the roommate was possibly not the best plan but what other plan was there?
“What a dick.” Bigby never understood how the media got away with everything it did, or what even went through their minds to begin with. They were absolutely shameless. “Sorry it happened. You tell him where to stick it?”
"Yeah, one of my publicists had to drag me out before I punched the twat. Shoulda let me but...I dunno, now my birthday's passed I just. I keep thinking, I guess. Bout how fucked up things are." He shrugged a little and sighed, "Rich boy problems huh?"
Without thinking about it he did a very doggie thing, nuzzling at Bigby's hand to encourage a pet. He'd spent all day as a Padfoot and it didn't even immediately after strike him as weird.
Bigby awkwardly patted Sirius’ arm and then moved his hand. “I don’t think problems with family are exclusively rich boy problems,” he said. “The details might be exclusively rich boy,” it wasn’t like anyone was going to accost him on the radio with his family anytime soon, “but the rest... It’s all pretty plebeian, I’m sure.” There was a bit of wryness there.
“I’m sorry about your family.”
Brain having caught up with his actions, usually shameless Sirius mumbled an apology for the doggie gesture. He'd already screwed things up with Jack, he wasn't going to do the same with Bigby.
"Sorry for the, yeah. Been shifted too long I guess. And equally sorry about the family, more sorry that I'm letting them do this to me though." He hated them, he hated that he let them affect him even more. He should be over it by now. "If I ordered pizza and sides, you wanna split?" Which might have seemed like a change of subject to most but, really, junk food was just part of self-care to Sirius and that was better than puppy wallowing, right?
Bigby nodded, “Sure.” He’d been rooming with Sirius long enough to know that pizza was one of his comfort foods.
“What are you apologizing for?” Bigby said, folding his arms across his chest and leveling a steady, serious stare on the other boy. “You don’t have anything to be sorry about.”
"I, um, you know," Sirius didn't quite meet the other boy's gaze and when he did, they were wide and full of pain. He'd been barely keeping it together for days, He didn't like it, and unloading on Bigby? It wasn't like they exactly did personal. The odd wolf and dog run occasionally finishing in a snuggle pile, sure but talking about real stuff or even initiating contact let alone fucking nuzzling a hand? That they so didn't do.
"The hand thing, didn't mean to go all dog on you I just..." Don't know how to ask for comfort like a normal human being sometimes. "And the whining at you when homework and all.."
He slowly started to pick himself up from the floor next Bigby's bed.
“It’s alright,” Bigby said, watching as Sirius moved away like a dog expecting to be hit. He wasn’t sure what to say. This was the realest he’d ever seen Sirius. He’d known this was in there somewhere, but up until now, their relationship could be summed up in shifted runs and Sirius making jokes, innuendo or otherwise. He only knew the bare details of Sirius’ life and Sirius knew even less about his. They had never talked seriously, Sirius had never talked seriously.
Bigby took his feet off the bed, sitting up straighter. “How are things fucked up?”
Sirius was quiet for a moment, apparently fiddling around with an app from a local pizza place to put in their order though actually just weighing things up. Him and Bigby didn't share and it worked for them mostly but on the other hand if had meant that even in his own room he was putting on a show at times. Maybe spilling his guts to the Wolf wouldn't be so bad, maybe, if it meant he didn't have to act 24/7.
"I was raised by white supremacists who preach pretty much every kind of discriminatory phobia and have one twisted view of history and the world. I was home schooled for a long time to try to keep me brain washed but I never toed the line quite like my brother so they made me. In lots of really messed up ways. Punishments and, and stuff. But I didn't break, I ended up doing what I do now to try to fight what they wanted me to be. I thought I wasn't affected by them any more, that they couldn't get to me. I was wrong."
A lot of that Bigby probably could have guessed if he knew anything of Sirius's history or at least the watered down version that was told for the public but he assumed the other boy probably didn't. Bigby never seemed interested in his celebrity status which was good and refreshing to live with really.
Still fiddling with the app, he asked as if he hadn't just been blurting about his fucked up childhood "Got topping preferences?" And it was a good indication of how screwed up he was feeling that it didn't even occur to him to attempt a smutty joke about topping at all.
“No,” Bigby answered. He really wasn’t thinking about pizza right now. He had heard pieces of Sirius’ history here and there, but not in that kind of detail, and never from Sirius himself. It was awful and it explained a lot about Sirius. He felt bad for him. “I’m sorry to hear that.”
Sirius shrugged a little bit, like it didn't matter even though he knew the other boy wouldn't buy it for a second.
"'S better than being the perfect son like Reg. Fucking Hitler Youth Boy, that kid." He mumbled slightly as he sent off the order. He used the moment being turned away to compose himself before turning back to Bigby. "Sorry I just, you know. I don't like to unload this crap on people, it's not shit anyone wants to know. I've just been a bit, you know...I always say I never let them bother me but they still know how to pull my strings. I hate it."
Bigby’s smile was small and wry and maybe a little bit sad, “I think we all like to believe that our past doesn’t affect us as much as it does.” He pushed himself up from his chair and scooped the wrappers that had fallen earlier off the floor, dropping them in the tiny trash can. “And there’s nothing wrong with unloading, so don’t be sorry.”
Slowly, Sirius nodded and tried a smile. It was weak but sincere. "Thanks, I know I'm not being the usual, you know, usual me but, uh, it's hard to keep it going sometimes." He moved to the window, opening it and then pulled out his pack of cigs. He didn't smoke much but it had definitely increased since living with a smoker.
He thought about asking about the thing Bigby said about the past, what was in his past, but he wasn't so sure he was welcome to ask so instead once he had cig between lips and lighter in hand, he held out the pack in offering.
“You don’t need to apologize. I never said you had to be,” Bigby said and then shook his head at the offer of a cigarette with a no, thanks.
"No, but people tend to expect it so..." And so he'd assumed, he was used to putting on a front for cameras but round the clock was different for sure. More draining.
Sitting on the window sill he lit up and then lent out a little to keep the smoke out of the room as much as possible. His phone pinged from the app, a message confirming his order would be brought to the school gates in 45mins for him to collect. Not bad.
“Well, you don’t,” Bigby replied, refraining from adding the old adage about assumptions. “I’m going to grab some drinks for when the pizza gets here. You want anything?”
"I'll have what you're having, thanks" Sirius told him, exhaling a long drag and finding himself relaxing. When he tried for a smile this time, it at least rang a little truer as he said "You're sound, mate. I appreciate it."
“No problem, Sirius,” Bigby replied. He returned the smile with one of his own small ones and then left, closing the door behind him.
Warning: references to child abuse
It wasn't uncommon for Sirius to shift to dog form to lounge about the room especially since he had such an understanding roommate in Bigby. Sometime it was just relaxing, sometimes it could be a remedy to a bad day, either way at that moment he was stretched out on his own bed in dog form. Sometimes Padfoot got a little cheeky but mostly he kept to his bed whilst was ultimately a territory respect thing. Something necessary for harmonious living, Bigby wasn't James and wouldn't put up with the same stuff.
On the other side of the room, Bigby sat in his computer chair with his legs propped up on his bed. A textbook was balanced on his lap, his hand holding it at the top, tilting it up and keeping it there as he read. It wasn’t due until Monday, but he had three chapters to get through and, with all the other homework he had to do, he had to get it done now if he wanted any free time at all this weekend.
Without taking his eyes off his book, Bigby reached for the half-eaten protein bar on his desk and finished it off in two bites. He crumpled the wrapper and tossed it onto his desk. It bounced, then rolled to a stop amongst the empty wrappers from the three protein bars that had come before it.
Padfoot jumped down suddenly, scattering the wrappers with a bark. He didn't like the protein bars, they didn't smell good or even like food at all to him so he didn't even pause to pay attention to the wrappers.
Padding over to the wolf's bed, he nosed at the book and Bigby's nearest hand. Yes, there were boundaries and territory but Padfoot was still Sirius and he still had to test them.
Bigby’s eyes barely left the page as he lifted his hand to pat Padfoot on the head. “Want something?” he asked, looking up now that he’d finished reading the paragraph he’d been in the middle of. He gestured at the scattered wrappers, “You’re going to have to pick those up, you know.”
Padfoot let out an almost amused bark that almost definitely wasn't agreement. A quick, affectionate lick to Bigby's hand and he shifted back to human.
"Yeah, yeah, I'll play cleaner later. Promise." He told the other boy, with a somewhat tired nod.
Bigby arched an eyebrow, “Something wrong?” He closed his textbook, holding his place with a finger between the pages.
Still kneeling at the side of the bed, Sirius folded his arms on the covers and rested his chin on them, looking up at the other boy.
"Not wrong, not really." He closed his eyes and inhaled, the familiar wild wolf scent of Bigby that he loved filled his nostrils along with twists of his Australian boy. It was familiar and good, much better than the hotel rooms and planes he'd been existing on all summer. "Just...good to be back. Properly back."
The corner of Bigby’s mouth tugged with a barely there half-smile. “Mm, you’ve been busy,” he agreed, nodding a little. “Your show has had you all over the place.” So much so that he’d barely seen Sirius at all over the summer. But then, he had been busy too between work and spending time with John.
"All over the place, that's me." Literally and figuratively. "Never expected this place to feel like home. Or remotely peaceful for that matter." But he appreciated it.
Looking up at his roomie as his loose hair fell over his face a little more, Sirius smiled. "More peaceful when you had less of me in here, I assume?" He joked though it was a little muted as was the smile he wore.
“Quieter. But that tends to be the case when you go from sharing a room to living alone.”
Something was up. Sirius wasn’t acting like himself. Maybe he was imagining it, but he seemed subdued, like a duller, less colorful version of the Sirius he usually saw. “Is everything alright?” Bigby asked again. He wasn’t going to press, but he wouldn’t forgive himself if something was wrong and he hadn’t asked at least once more.
"I've been better." Sirius told him honestly, they lived together after all. He couldn't be shiny, happy Sirius from the TV all the time around Bigby. Besides, he liked the wolf and, yes, maybe he was more into the whole pack idea than Bigby and Remus seemed to be but maybe James had had a point when he'd said it was just another instance of Sirius looking to belong after being kicked out of his own family, even if he'd hated that family. Sirius kind of hated when James was right about that kind of shit.
Still, mostly he'd tried to be happy, shiny Sirius because it was easier and safer than letting Bigby see, well, everything else. But he didn't have the energy.
"Just a bit run down, is all. And, well, I spoke to my parents." Not by choice, he'd been blindsided by a shockjock who'd wanted to shitstir an already very messed up situation for a ratings boost. Asshole.
The corner of Bigby’s mouth curved, a barely there sign of a grimace. He’d heard enough about Sirius’ family to know what a chat with them had to be like. They were miserable assholes and that was both an understatement and an insult to miserable assholes everywhere.
“How did that go?” Bigby asked, setting his textbook aside on the computer desk.
"I was blindsided by an interviewer who had them on a Skype link. So coulda been better." He attempted a smile and a laugh at his situation, neither came out right. Unloading on the roommate was possibly not the best plan but what other plan was there?
“What a dick.” Bigby never understood how the media got away with everything it did, or what even went through their minds to begin with. They were absolutely shameless. “Sorry it happened. You tell him where to stick it?”
"Yeah, one of my publicists had to drag me out before I punched the twat. Shoulda let me but...I dunno, now my birthday's passed I just. I keep thinking, I guess. Bout how fucked up things are." He shrugged a little and sighed, "Rich boy problems huh?"
Without thinking about it he did a very doggie thing, nuzzling at Bigby's hand to encourage a pet. He'd spent all day as a Padfoot and it didn't even immediately after strike him as weird.
Bigby awkwardly patted Sirius’ arm and then moved his hand. “I don’t think problems with family are exclusively rich boy problems,” he said. “The details might be exclusively rich boy,” it wasn’t like anyone was going to accost him on the radio with his family anytime soon, “but the rest... It’s all pretty plebeian, I’m sure.” There was a bit of wryness there.
“I’m sorry about your family.”
Brain having caught up with his actions, usually shameless Sirius mumbled an apology for the doggie gesture. He'd already screwed things up with Jack, he wasn't going to do the same with Bigby.
"Sorry for the, yeah. Been shifted too long I guess. And equally sorry about the family, more sorry that I'm letting them do this to me though." He hated them, he hated that he let them affect him even more. He should be over it by now. "If I ordered pizza and sides, you wanna split?" Which might have seemed like a change of subject to most but, really, junk food was just part of self-care to Sirius and that was better than puppy wallowing, right?
Bigby nodded, “Sure.” He’d been rooming with Sirius long enough to know that pizza was one of his comfort foods.
“What are you apologizing for?” Bigby said, folding his arms across his chest and leveling a steady, serious stare on the other boy. “You don’t have anything to be sorry about.”
"I, um, you know," Sirius didn't quite meet the other boy's gaze and when he did, they were wide and full of pain. He'd been barely keeping it together for days, He didn't like it, and unloading on Bigby? It wasn't like they exactly did personal. The odd wolf and dog run occasionally finishing in a snuggle pile, sure but talking about real stuff or even initiating contact let alone fucking nuzzling a hand? That they so didn't do.
"The hand thing, didn't mean to go all dog on you I just..." Don't know how to ask for comfort like a normal human being sometimes. "And the whining at you when homework and all.."
He slowly started to pick himself up from the floor next Bigby's bed.
“It’s alright,” Bigby said, watching as Sirius moved away like a dog expecting to be hit. He wasn’t sure what to say. This was the realest he’d ever seen Sirius. He’d known this was in there somewhere, but up until now, their relationship could be summed up in shifted runs and Sirius making jokes, innuendo or otherwise. He only knew the bare details of Sirius’ life and Sirius knew even less about his. They had never talked seriously, Sirius had never talked seriously.
Bigby took his feet off the bed, sitting up straighter. “How are things fucked up?”
Sirius was quiet for a moment, apparently fiddling around with an app from a local pizza place to put in their order though actually just weighing things up. Him and Bigby didn't share and it worked for them mostly but on the other hand if had meant that even in his own room he was putting on a show at times. Maybe spilling his guts to the Wolf wouldn't be so bad, maybe, if it meant he didn't have to act 24/7.
"I was raised by white supremacists who preach pretty much every kind of discriminatory phobia and have one twisted view of history and the world. I was home schooled for a long time to try to keep me brain washed but I never toed the line quite like my brother so they made me. In lots of really messed up ways. Punishments and, and stuff. But I didn't break, I ended up doing what I do now to try to fight what they wanted me to be. I thought I wasn't affected by them any more, that they couldn't get to me. I was wrong."
A lot of that Bigby probably could have guessed if he knew anything of Sirius's history or at least the watered down version that was told for the public but he assumed the other boy probably didn't. Bigby never seemed interested in his celebrity status which was good and refreshing to live with really.
Still fiddling with the app, he asked as if he hadn't just been blurting about his fucked up childhood "Got topping preferences?" And it was a good indication of how screwed up he was feeling that it didn't even occur to him to attempt a smutty joke about topping at all.
“No,” Bigby answered. He really wasn’t thinking about pizza right now. He had heard pieces of Sirius’ history here and there, but not in that kind of detail, and never from Sirius himself. It was awful and it explained a lot about Sirius. He felt bad for him. “I’m sorry to hear that.”
Sirius shrugged a little bit, like it didn't matter even though he knew the other boy wouldn't buy it for a second.
"'S better than being the perfect son like Reg. Fucking Hitler Youth Boy, that kid." He mumbled slightly as he sent off the order. He used the moment being turned away to compose himself before turning back to Bigby. "Sorry I just, you know. I don't like to unload this crap on people, it's not shit anyone wants to know. I've just been a bit, you know...I always say I never let them bother me but they still know how to pull my strings. I hate it."
Bigby’s smile was small and wry and maybe a little bit sad, “I think we all like to believe that our past doesn’t affect us as much as it does.” He pushed himself up from his chair and scooped the wrappers that had fallen earlier off the floor, dropping them in the tiny trash can. “And there’s nothing wrong with unloading, so don’t be sorry.”
Slowly, Sirius nodded and tried a smile. It was weak but sincere. "Thanks, I know I'm not being the usual, you know, usual me but, uh, it's hard to keep it going sometimes." He moved to the window, opening it and then pulled out his pack of cigs. He didn't smoke much but it had definitely increased since living with a smoker.
He thought about asking about the thing Bigby said about the past, what was in his past, but he wasn't so sure he was welcome to ask so instead once he had cig between lips and lighter in hand, he held out the pack in offering.
“You don’t need to apologize. I never said you had to be,” Bigby said and then shook his head at the offer of a cigarette with a no, thanks.
"No, but people tend to expect it so..." And so he'd assumed, he was used to putting on a front for cameras but round the clock was different for sure. More draining.
Sitting on the window sill he lit up and then lent out a little to keep the smoke out of the room as much as possible. His phone pinged from the app, a message confirming his order would be brought to the school gates in 45mins for him to collect. Not bad.
“Well, you don’t,” Bigby replied, refraining from adding the old adage about assumptions. “I’m going to grab some drinks for when the pizza gets here. You want anything?”
"I'll have what you're having, thanks" Sirius told him, exhaling a long drag and finding himself relaxing. When he tried for a smile this time, it at least rang a little truer as he said "You're sound, mate. I appreciate it."
“No problem, Sirius,” Bigby replied. He returned the smile with one of his own small ones and then left, closing the door behind him.
