Bucky and Steve, backdated to Oct 25th

[om_sarge]

After lunch with Tony, Bucky heads straight to Steve for a very overdue talk.


Bucky headed straight for Steve's room when he got back to the school, his stomach in knots. The attempt at a peace talk with Tony had been meant as a show of his willingness to get along and out shit behind but it hadn't exactly gone well. Less than well in fact.
Knocking on the door he could only hope he could at least fix things here. It had been left long enough. Too long.

Steve pulled on his shirt as he headed towards the door, grabbing his towel to rub the water from his hair. It'd been a busy day, with squad and then his personal training, but now he was done, and almost ready to go spend the rest of the weekend up at Tony's.

He smiled when he saw Bucky in the doorway, and stepped aside to let him in. "Hey, Buck," he said, dropping the towel on the back of his chair, and taking his comb. "How was the visit?"

Bucky headed in, sitting on the end of Steve's bed as he answered. "Yeah it was good. Usual family stuff, you know. Much love sent to you."

There was no point in putting things off though so he then added, hand running through his hair a touch nervously. "While I was in the city I called Tony actually. We got lunch." He was watching Steve closely now as he spoke.

"Oh really?" Steve paused from toweling his hair, an eyebrow raised. They weren't exactly each other's biggest fan, so it was surprising, to say the least. "He hadn't mentioned it yet. How'd it go?"

"Not, uh, not amazingly." An understatement, sure, but the fact that Tony hadn't immediately called Steve to bitch about Bucky and what he'd so obviously considered 'too little, too late' efforts, well that was something at least. "Basically I know I haven't been a great friend lately and, and there's no excuse for it really. I wanted to say sorry for being kinda shitty and thought a good way to show that I really meant it would be to, you know, try to build a few bridges with Tony. He wasn't much interested but we've come to a sort of understanding, I think."

Not the understanding Bucky had hoped for but Tony was pretty adamant there.

"What do you mean?" he said, his eyes narrowing, confused. He appreciated the apology, as unexpected as it was- had Tony told him that he'd been uncomfortable? But it sounded like he was apologizing for something else, and Steve couldn't quite make sense of it all.

He sat down on the edge of his bed, letting the towel drop to the floor for now. "What happened, exactly?"

"Erm, well," His hand ran over the back of his neck again as he took a moment and then started to explain. "Basically cutting out the arguing bits, I said I wanted to make a go of things, make up for my behaviour and he felt it wasn't enough so pretty much chewed me a new one which, fair enough. Probably deserved." And he did suspect Tony could've been much worse if he'd wanted. "And I guess he basically doesn't like me and thinks too little too late, that's just my summary he might tell you different."

"But yeah, I was thinking we should try to get along maybe see if we could find common ground because we're both part of your life and everything whereas he was of the opinion that we needn't ever be in the same room again and if we were ignoring might be best. So we went with his opinion." Which he personally thought sounded awkward not to mention kind of shitty on Steve to be expected to keep them separate but Bucky had agreed because Tony clearly wasn't going to move from the opinion.

Steve's eyebrows furrowed together, forming a neat crease between them, as he tried to sort this out in his mind. There was something he was missing, there had to be, because this sounded...unlike Tony. He was well aware that Tony rubbed most people the wrong way, and even they had their fights.

"Did he say why he didn't like you?" He was well aware that they would likely never be friends, had already accepted it, but he still wanted to know. "What behavior, exactly, were you trying to make up for?" He needed specifics, if he was going to understand this.

"Well, you know, being a total ass to him but mostly it was the upsetting you and everything." Buck explained with a sigh. And then there was Steve's other question. "And, well, you know how it is with back and forths, specifics don't always stick with you. There was a lot of sniping but you know how my temper can be." Though he thought his taking the blame when at least some of it was Tony being a total asshat was kind of big of him.

"Mostly he said he didn't care what I thought of him, I think, but that'd I'd hurt you. He also claimed," Bucky paused for a second there because this was the bit he was really afraid to ask even if he was 75% sure it had just been Tony throwing stuff out to guilt trip him more. Because if not, if Tony was right... "He said I'd been triggering you, is that...that's not true is it? Cause if it is, I'm really fucking sorry Steve." 

"He wasn't exaggerating," Steve said with a sigh, and rubbed his neck. "I didn't say much to him, I didn't realize he knew how much it bothered me." But Tony was smart and knew him well, so it didn't surprise him either.

He'd been about to launch into an explanation when something snagged in his mind, and he frowned. "But if you didn't know that you'd made me feel like that, what did you think I was upset about?"

The confirmation made him cringe, he should have known better than that. The last few months? Yeah, looking back over it and being honest with himself, he was pretty ashamed really. No wonder his mom had cuffed him upside the head, and she didn't even know about the triggering. Fuck.

"Well, I didn't realise how badly I'd fucked up but I could see things weren't right and, well,  figured my behaviour with all the Tony stuff was the problem but now I know that it was me doing that. Well, fuck, Steve I'm sorry. I mean, there's no excuse so I dunno what to say 'cept I'm sorry and it's gonna stop, I swear." Whilst he spoken he'd addressed Steve directly, eye meeting so Steve could see the sincerity and serious there, after his head dipped in shame. Causing his best friend all that pain? Yeah, not his proudest moment.


"I don't really care that you and Tony don't get along," Steve said, because he wanted to get that idea out of the way first. "I would love it if you guys got along, but it doesn't matter, either. As long as you two aren't putting me in the middle  or trying to make me choose between you? I can't ask anything else from either of you. I'm assuming you two can both manage to be adult enough to be in the same room without fighting, if we ever have to be." Really, the only things that came to mind was the occasional party, and after they graduated,that would be even less of an issue."

He took a breath and exhaled slowly. "And I know you didn't mean to. It's just that's, I know that you had a difficult time adjusting to me being, well, like this. But I did too, and for a long time, I didn't feel comfortable in this body- I still thought of myself as I was before. I still forget, sometimes. And some of the comments you made, especially to others, it just add me feel worse in an already uncomfortable situation."

Buck ran his fingers through his hair again needlessly then nodded a little. Yeah, ok, body comments were something he really should have known better. Damn.

"And I should've known that, I know I keep saying it but I'm sorry. Clearly gotta start thinking before I speak more because, yeah, that wasn't cool. I mean, it did throw me a bit and then you being brought here and all but I know it's not an excuse, like I said."

He paused and took a breath. Then, with a tentative but somewhat hopeful smile as he added "You know, seeing mom earlier? I guess I wasn't talking about you as much or something coz Ma said something like 'Whatever's going on with you boys, tell Steve he's got my permission to give you a good smack when you need it' so there's that."

"And, yeah, me and Tony can. We both survived lunch so, yeah. I'll behave, promise."

The corner of his mouth turned up just a little. "I'm glad to hear it. And there won't be any smacking, you can relax."

Since Steve was smiling a little, Bucky dared to return it with aslightly more confident one this time. He still looked seriously guilty though, because that's how he felt. He should have known better for fuck's sake.

"Gotta tell ya, slightly relieved. You could probably have me across the room if you wanted to, right?"

"Considering I can bench press twelve thousand pounds, yes," Steve admitted with a laugh. "But I wouldn't." The thought of hurting anyone, much less one of his closest friends, was a horrible one.

He smiled, and clapped Bucky on the back. "We good?" He didn't want to rush it, but he did have a bus to catch, or else he'd have to wait for the next one.

"More than," If Steve was willing to forgive him then hell yea they were good. Twisting, he gave his friend a quick hug. "Gotta have a sappy moment, don't mind me." He wasn't blind though, obviously Steve was getting ready to go and he could guess where so it was probably best not to hold him back. 

"You know I'm always fine with hugs," Steve said as he turned to give him a better one, patting him between his shoulder blades. "Alright, I'm actually heading to Tony's in about fifteen, so I'm going to finish packing and head out. But I'll see you Monday."

"OK, cool. I'll leave you to it. Have a good time." And he honestly meant that, he hoped Steve realised it. "We'll hang when you get back or something, yeah? I just had payday." It seemed a bit stupid to say it but with all the weirdness between them and all, he'd missed Steve despite living just a few doors away. 

"Sounds good," Steve agreed, and gave Bucky a little wave as he left. "Have a good weekend, Buck."