Ellie and Felix, backdated to October 1
Oct. 1st, 2013 08:07 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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om_mainEllie discovers Felix whispering to himself, except he isn't fully alone. They talk about changes and choices, and then about Halloween costumes.
Sometimes, when Felix had no one else to talk to, he crept to the furthest parts of the library, and found the quiet armchair where the ghost lady sat. Some days he had to wait, but today, she was there when he opened his mind and allowed his eyes to see the echoes of the astral plane, just like Professor Xavier was teaching him. There was a quiet study desk not far from her chair, so Felix sat nearby, and placed a notebook in front of him like he was studying. Really, though, he was only there to whisper to the ghost lady.
The words he actually spoke were barely audible, about small things: how he could change his hair, change his clothes, change all the things Eames was teaching him. Change himself. But in his mind, these superficial changes were only the signs of something much deeper. Felix turned it over and over, how he had to become someone new, and bury his old self so far away that no one could find it. So no one could find him.
Sometimes a whisper was louder than regular speech. A whisper was something that someone was trying very hard to keep to themselves, and often more thought went into them, subconsciously. Most of the time Ellie found them easy to ignore, but today there was a lot of swirling emotions coming from the corner in the library and, curious as ever, she sneaked over to investigate.
The psionic energy was familiar and she almost considered turning away and leaving him be. It just seemed so conflicted and that eventually prodded her to approach closer. Felix had told Ellie stories of the ghosts before, and she wondered, upon seeing him talking to no one, if that was who he was talking to right then.
"Are you studying yourself in your book?"
The ghost didn't notice Ellie any more than she ever noticed Felix, so he didn't feel too badly turning away from her. He did start and gasp a tiny gasp, but relaxed again when he saw who it was. Ellie never thought he was odd for talking to the invisible, nor did she ever treat him like he might be crazy... even when Felix wasn't so sure he wasn't crazy. His mind tumbled over itself in surprise, and he tried to quiet his thoughts down out of respect to Ellie's psychic sensitivities.
"Is that what it looks like?" Felix asked, glancing down at the open notebook, which was full of notes from science class written in Felix's uniquely looping handwriting. There was nothing in there about how a boy might undergo a complete transformation into someone new. "No. Maybe I should. Notes might help me remember. I could make lists."
"I am unsure what it looks like. You are talking to no one, but thinking of change, and reading all at the same time." The girl pursed her lips together before daring to come closer. "Why would you want to change? You are fascinating just the way you are."
And that was genuine. Felix was one of the students at the school who was so unique, and Ellie rather admired that part of him, for obvious reasons.
Felix nodded to the apparently empty armchair, and murmured, "I was talking to the ghost." But that wasn't really what Ellie was asking about, even though Felix wanted to avoid her true question. He wanted to lie, as pointless as that would be to a telepath. His secrets were precious to him.
"I don't want to be who I used to be, anymore," he tried to explain, though the words sounded flat and meaningless even to his own ears, making him frown. "What I mean is... that Felix, from before... he was scared all the time."
Ellie glanced to the armchair, and then back to the boy before her. Her eyebrows were raised and her eyes wide. "Were you asking the ghost for help? Did it agree with you?!" The ghost could probably give better advice than Ellie could, so she was interested in what it may have to say.
This was why Felix liked talking to Ellie so much; she asked the questions that no one else would have thought of. Felix gave the chair another thoughtful look before turning back. "She's never talked to me. I don't know if she's even listening. She sits in her chair and turns the same page over and over in her book."
He paused, thinking for a moment, then said slowly, "Maybe... she doesn't answer because she doesn't think I've said anything worth answering."
That was slightly disappointing to hear. Surely spirits had some sort of insight? Their experiences as beings were so very different than those of the living. Ellie sighed and dropped her chin in her hands. "Or maybe she's a silly ghost and she's holding back. I wish that she wouldn't."
Felix paused to think before he answered. "Most of the time, I'm glad they don't talk back. It's one thing if they're just echoes, like a swipe mark that comes back when the mirror fogs up again. It's different if they can think and feel." He offered Ellie a tight little smile that he didn't seem to feel. She was more interested in, and less frightened of, death than Felix had ever been. It made him wish he had better news for her.
"Then why do you talk to them at all?" Ellie questioned quietly. Innocently. "Do you just wish for company who will listen without judging?"
Ellie was telepathic, after all. "I guess so," Felix agreed, with a faint sigh, and a half-comfortable squirm of his shoulders. "She isn't going to tell anybody the things I tell her, and she won't try to help." He said 'help' in the same tone he might say 'spiders' or 'plaid'.
"People try to help you lots, too?" Ellie's face wrinkled up in a way that very much matched the tone of Felix's voice. Help could be nice but sometimes it could be very invasive and condescending.
"Some are better at it than others," Felix allowed. Jensen had kind of screwed it up, and Harley wasn't any help at all, but there were others. Philip, honest and blunt. Warren, patient and listening. Caius, ignoring what he didn't adore and dragging Felix along in his glittering wake. "Sometimes it's like I don't even have to open my mouth, and somebody wants to try and fix me."
"But you still want to change who you are, too," Ellie stated, not accusingly or anything like that, but curiously. She tilted her head to the side as she said it, dropping to sit in a squat position with her long hair pooling around her knees. "You simply wish to change on your own terms without someone else's input?"
Because this change thing very much seemed to conflict Felix.
Felix thought it over for a few seconds. "I want to change on my own terms. That's right. I don't want to be told what I should or shouldn't care about." He spoke softly, as befit the library quiet, but his words were determined. "But, you know, we're mutants. We know a lot about change. I don't mind help. I just... I want it to be my decision."
His forehead furrowed in a moment of worry. "Is that okay? Does it make sense?"
That got a slow nod out of her. It made sense, she thought. Change regarding oneself was always made best by the one who knew that individual most...and that would be themselves, would it not? Having that sort of power and freedom could only be beneficial, the more she thought about it.
"It would be very sad if that was not an okay thing. I would not like it," she replied after a moment.
Though Felix did not say it out loud (he couldn't, couldn't possibly, the words did not even have shape in his mouth), he spoke very clearly in his thoughts as he shyly glanced down: It's nice that somebody understands.
That made him realize that there was some small thing different about Ellie, too. "You aren't hiding," Felix said slowly, with a little half-smile. "Are you thinking about changing too?"
"I feel as though I have been in a constant state of change since my arrival here. I never had friends before, so I am trying very hard to be social and not upset people...but I still want to be me without having to change to keep my friends. I do not know if that is the same thing, but maybe it is a little bit." She bit her lip and entwined her fingers together. But I do want to finally get better with my powers, so that is change? Sometimes, now, I can tune people out if I choose to!
It felt funny to hear Ellie when she wasn't speaking out loud, but Felix had gotten a little more used to that with Betsy, so he didn't shy away. He smiled, slightly, hoping it was an encouraging expression. It wasn't something he was good at. "That's a good change. Friends are a good reason." Thinking of Caius, Remus, and Warren -- that was why Felix had decided to change, so he could stop being afraid of being someone's friend.
"But not as good as a reason as for yourself," she decided with certainty. "As long as you and I like the change then any changes for friends are very good, yes."
Felix nodded his agreement, on both counts. Real friends didn't ask you to change, he thought, but they stuck with you even when you did. He hoped Ellie's friends were the same way. It was nice that somebody understood.
After a moment of companionable quiet, Felix asked, "Do you know what you're going to be for Halloween this year? Seems like everyone's getting ready already."
"Oh, I am very much getting ready because I have decided that it is the best and only holiday in this country that I truly love! All the black and the monsters and the ghouls and the spooky, spooky horror! Horror ladies are my favourite ladies, the most beautiful, yes, and I want to be one! I began to work on a dress that is the same as the one from a TV show...a movie, yes...The Addams Family! Have you heard of it? I simply adore Morticia so very much." The excited babble came out of Ellie rather quickly and animatedly.
Listening to Ellie brought a small smile to Felix's lips. It was a surprise, but a pleasant one, the way she lit up like that. "I haven't seen that, but I'll look for it. Does she wear a lot of black, maybe?" he asked, just comfortable enough to tease a tiny bit, but in a companionable way.
"Uh-huh. It's her favourite. Her whole house is black, too, and her car and her children's clothes. I had considered going as her daughter, but I like Morticia's gown much better," Ellie informed him with an enthusiastic nod, not at all thrown off by the small teasing. "What shall you be going as, Felix?"
Felix was glad that his little joke didn't send Ellie scurrying under the table. Maybe she felt comfortable with him, a tiny bit. "Hmm," he considered. "Ghosts are still the scariest thing I can think of. I didn't do very well last year, though. I think it'd be fun to paint myself white and look as much like a real ghost as I can."
If anyone could pull that off it would certainly be Felix! "That would be fantastic for you, yes! Um. If you ever need costume help with anything, Felix...I would help you. If you wanted!"
"Would you?" Felix's eyes brightened immediately. "If I tell you how they look, do you think you could make something that looks like that?"
"Oh, yes, absolutely! I can work on it in art class and everything! It would be lots of fun," she nodded enthusiastically, clapping her hands together. "You and I can draw out a picture of sorts and then I will use it to create."
"That would be wonderful," Felix said in a rush, pleased as much by Ellie's delight as by the offer. He glanced alongside at the seemingly empty chair, but the Reading Lady seemed to have no opinion on the subject. "And ever so much better than a sheet."
That made Ellie giggle madly. "I'll do my very best!"
Sometimes, when Felix had no one else to talk to, he crept to the furthest parts of the library, and found the quiet armchair where the ghost lady sat. Some days he had to wait, but today, she was there when he opened his mind and allowed his eyes to see the echoes of the astral plane, just like Professor Xavier was teaching him. There was a quiet study desk not far from her chair, so Felix sat nearby, and placed a notebook in front of him like he was studying. Really, though, he was only there to whisper to the ghost lady.
The words he actually spoke were barely audible, about small things: how he could change his hair, change his clothes, change all the things Eames was teaching him. Change himself. But in his mind, these superficial changes were only the signs of something much deeper. Felix turned it over and over, how he had to become someone new, and bury his old self so far away that no one could find it. So no one could find him.
Sometimes a whisper was louder than regular speech. A whisper was something that someone was trying very hard to keep to themselves, and often more thought went into them, subconsciously. Most of the time Ellie found them easy to ignore, but today there was a lot of swirling emotions coming from the corner in the library and, curious as ever, she sneaked over to investigate.
The psionic energy was familiar and she almost considered turning away and leaving him be. It just seemed so conflicted and that eventually prodded her to approach closer. Felix had told Ellie stories of the ghosts before, and she wondered, upon seeing him talking to no one, if that was who he was talking to right then.
"Are you studying yourself in your book?"
The ghost didn't notice Ellie any more than she ever noticed Felix, so he didn't feel too badly turning away from her. He did start and gasp a tiny gasp, but relaxed again when he saw who it was. Ellie never thought he was odd for talking to the invisible, nor did she ever treat him like he might be crazy... even when Felix wasn't so sure he wasn't crazy. His mind tumbled over itself in surprise, and he tried to quiet his thoughts down out of respect to Ellie's psychic sensitivities.
"Is that what it looks like?" Felix asked, glancing down at the open notebook, which was full of notes from science class written in Felix's uniquely looping handwriting. There was nothing in there about how a boy might undergo a complete transformation into someone new. "No. Maybe I should. Notes might help me remember. I could make lists."
"I am unsure what it looks like. You are talking to no one, but thinking of change, and reading all at the same time." The girl pursed her lips together before daring to come closer. "Why would you want to change? You are fascinating just the way you are."
And that was genuine. Felix was one of the students at the school who was so unique, and Ellie rather admired that part of him, for obvious reasons.
Felix nodded to the apparently empty armchair, and murmured, "I was talking to the ghost." But that wasn't really what Ellie was asking about, even though Felix wanted to avoid her true question. He wanted to lie, as pointless as that would be to a telepath. His secrets were precious to him.
"I don't want to be who I used to be, anymore," he tried to explain, though the words sounded flat and meaningless even to his own ears, making him frown. "What I mean is... that Felix, from before... he was scared all the time."
Ellie glanced to the armchair, and then back to the boy before her. Her eyebrows were raised and her eyes wide. "Were you asking the ghost for help? Did it agree with you?!" The ghost could probably give better advice than Ellie could, so she was interested in what it may have to say.
This was why Felix liked talking to Ellie so much; she asked the questions that no one else would have thought of. Felix gave the chair another thoughtful look before turning back. "She's never talked to me. I don't know if she's even listening. She sits in her chair and turns the same page over and over in her book."
He paused, thinking for a moment, then said slowly, "Maybe... she doesn't answer because she doesn't think I've said anything worth answering."
That was slightly disappointing to hear. Surely spirits had some sort of insight? Their experiences as beings were so very different than those of the living. Ellie sighed and dropped her chin in her hands. "Or maybe she's a silly ghost and she's holding back. I wish that she wouldn't."
Felix paused to think before he answered. "Most of the time, I'm glad they don't talk back. It's one thing if they're just echoes, like a swipe mark that comes back when the mirror fogs up again. It's different if they can think and feel." He offered Ellie a tight little smile that he didn't seem to feel. She was more interested in, and less frightened of, death than Felix had ever been. It made him wish he had better news for her.
"Then why do you talk to them at all?" Ellie questioned quietly. Innocently. "Do you just wish for company who will listen without judging?"
Ellie was telepathic, after all. "I guess so," Felix agreed, with a faint sigh, and a half-comfortable squirm of his shoulders. "She isn't going to tell anybody the things I tell her, and she won't try to help." He said 'help' in the same tone he might say 'spiders' or 'plaid'.
"People try to help you lots, too?" Ellie's face wrinkled up in a way that very much matched the tone of Felix's voice. Help could be nice but sometimes it could be very invasive and condescending.
"Some are better at it than others," Felix allowed. Jensen had kind of screwed it up, and Harley wasn't any help at all, but there were others. Philip, honest and blunt. Warren, patient and listening. Caius, ignoring what he didn't adore and dragging Felix along in his glittering wake. "Sometimes it's like I don't even have to open my mouth, and somebody wants to try and fix me."
"But you still want to change who you are, too," Ellie stated, not accusingly or anything like that, but curiously. She tilted her head to the side as she said it, dropping to sit in a squat position with her long hair pooling around her knees. "You simply wish to change on your own terms without someone else's input?"
Because this change thing very much seemed to conflict Felix.
Felix thought it over for a few seconds. "I want to change on my own terms. That's right. I don't want to be told what I should or shouldn't care about." He spoke softly, as befit the library quiet, but his words were determined. "But, you know, we're mutants. We know a lot about change. I don't mind help. I just... I want it to be my decision."
His forehead furrowed in a moment of worry. "Is that okay? Does it make sense?"
That got a slow nod out of her. It made sense, she thought. Change regarding oneself was always made best by the one who knew that individual most...and that would be themselves, would it not? Having that sort of power and freedom could only be beneficial, the more she thought about it.
"It would be very sad if that was not an okay thing. I would not like it," she replied after a moment.
Though Felix did not say it out loud (he couldn't, couldn't possibly, the words did not even have shape in his mouth), he spoke very clearly in his thoughts as he shyly glanced down: It's nice that somebody understands.
That made him realize that there was some small thing different about Ellie, too. "You aren't hiding," Felix said slowly, with a little half-smile. "Are you thinking about changing too?"
"I feel as though I have been in a constant state of change since my arrival here. I never had friends before, so I am trying very hard to be social and not upset people...but I still want to be me without having to change to keep my friends. I do not know if that is the same thing, but maybe it is a little bit." She bit her lip and entwined her fingers together. But I do want to finally get better with my powers, so that is change? Sometimes, now, I can tune people out if I choose to!
It felt funny to hear Ellie when she wasn't speaking out loud, but Felix had gotten a little more used to that with Betsy, so he didn't shy away. He smiled, slightly, hoping it was an encouraging expression. It wasn't something he was good at. "That's a good change. Friends are a good reason." Thinking of Caius, Remus, and Warren -- that was why Felix had decided to change, so he could stop being afraid of being someone's friend.
"But not as good as a reason as for yourself," she decided with certainty. "As long as you and I like the change then any changes for friends are very good, yes."
Felix nodded his agreement, on both counts. Real friends didn't ask you to change, he thought, but they stuck with you even when you did. He hoped Ellie's friends were the same way. It was nice that somebody understood.
After a moment of companionable quiet, Felix asked, "Do you know what you're going to be for Halloween this year? Seems like everyone's getting ready already."
"Oh, I am very much getting ready because I have decided that it is the best and only holiday in this country that I truly love! All the black and the monsters and the ghouls and the spooky, spooky horror! Horror ladies are my favourite ladies, the most beautiful, yes, and I want to be one! I began to work on a dress that is the same as the one from a TV show...a movie, yes...The Addams Family! Have you heard of it? I simply adore Morticia so very much." The excited babble came out of Ellie rather quickly and animatedly.
Listening to Ellie brought a small smile to Felix's lips. It was a surprise, but a pleasant one, the way she lit up like that. "I haven't seen that, but I'll look for it. Does she wear a lot of black, maybe?" he asked, just comfortable enough to tease a tiny bit, but in a companionable way.
"Uh-huh. It's her favourite. Her whole house is black, too, and her car and her children's clothes. I had considered going as her daughter, but I like Morticia's gown much better," Ellie informed him with an enthusiastic nod, not at all thrown off by the small teasing. "What shall you be going as, Felix?"
Felix was glad that his little joke didn't send Ellie scurrying under the table. Maybe she felt comfortable with him, a tiny bit. "Hmm," he considered. "Ghosts are still the scariest thing I can think of. I didn't do very well last year, though. I think it'd be fun to paint myself white and look as much like a real ghost as I can."
If anyone could pull that off it would certainly be Felix! "That would be fantastic for you, yes! Um. If you ever need costume help with anything, Felix...I would help you. If you wanted!"
"Would you?" Felix's eyes brightened immediately. "If I tell you how they look, do you think you could make something that looks like that?"
"Oh, yes, absolutely! I can work on it in art class and everything! It would be lots of fun," she nodded enthusiastically, clapping her hands together. "You and I can draw out a picture of sorts and then I will use it to create."
"That would be wonderful," Felix said in a rush, pleased as much by Ellie's delight as by the offer. He glanced alongside at the seemingly empty chair, but the Reading Lady seemed to have no opinion on the subject. "And ever so much better than a sheet."
That made Ellie giggle madly. "I'll do my very best!"
