Inara and Simon, Backdated 3/28/2013
Mar. 28th, 2013 03:45 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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om_mainInara goes to speak with Simon about the squads, and the topic turns unexpectedly toward his love life.
Inara knew that technically, Moira was her primary physician. She didn't have to share her decision with Simon or with Josh. But they'd both tried so hard to help with her condition that keeping it from them seemed selfish in the extreme. She just hoped she could explain herself properly.
She took a deep breath, straightened her spine, and knocked on the door to 101 West.
It took a few moments for someone to answer. In fact, it took approximately the amount of time for Simon to actually realize there was a knock on the door, drag himself out of his train of thought, then realize that Jean-Paul wasn't going to answer it, since he wasn't actually in the room. But, eventually, Simon answered it, blinking at the girl standing outside. Granted, he was used to Jeanne-Marie dropping by, but... "Inara. What are you doing here?"
In the boys' dorm went unspoken.
"I had something to tell you, and the infirmary seemed too...impersonal." She offered him a smile. "We don't have to talk here, but..."
"No," Simon blinked and stepped back. "No, sorry. Please come in. It's private, at least."
Inara nodded in acceptance of the invitation, and stepped across the threshold. She was unable to resist laughing at the pile of sporting gear on Jean-Paul's bed.
"He can't be getting ready for next year already."
Simon glanced over as he shut the door, then shook his head. "I wasn't paying attention when he hauled it out. For all I know, he's just cleaning the lot of it, or simply showing off. Although, in all honesty, it wouldn't surprise me."
"It must be like looking in a mirror, living with someone that intense." But her tone was teasing. That faded soon enough. "I wanted to let you know...I'll be participating in the training squads."
Simon was about to reply to her accusation when the news hit him, and he stared at her for a moment, trying to absorb what she was telling him. "Are you...you can't be serious."
"I'm entirely serious." Inara folded her arms over her chest. "For one thing, it could help with my control."
"Valid," Simon dropped into his desk chair, frowning, "But gaining control means you have to use your abilities."
"I know." Her voice caught just a little. "But tell me the truth...do you think this is just about learning power control? Because I don't."
"I..." Simon frowned and ran his fingers through his hair. "No. I don't think any of us think that."
"I didn't think so. And the idea of letting everyone else here prepare for the front lines while I cower in my room doesn't have any appeal at all."
"Inara..." Simon frowned deeply, then lowered his voice. "Everyone else here isn't...isn't dying."
"That did cross my mind." Her voice remained civil, but so polite that there was no doubt Simon had said just the wrong thing. "Of course, depending on how badly things go, a lot of students here might be dying soon. Or wish they were, if the Facility gets a hold of them. I don't want to hope for the best and be unprepared if the worst happens."
Simon sighed. "Apparently, no one wants to sit on the sidelines around here..."
A very faint tone of amusement crept into her voice at that. "Says the man who couldn't bear to stay at home with the knowledge that his boyfriend might have to cope with being adored and cosseted without him."
Simon sighed inwardly. Yes, apparently, the entire school was in the know. "It was research. Besides, he asked."
"Simon, do you really think you're fooling anyone?" She finally moved closer, leaning up against his desk. "What's so wrong with saying you went because you enjoy being with him?"
"I don't...I mean," Simon sighed and ran a hand through his hair. "Of course I do, but it's not just about that. It's not my only motivation - but yes, it's a large factor. Why does it matter?"
"I'd like to think you're doing it because you're happy to. Not because you're doing a favor."
Simon frowned slightly. "I didn't know you were concerned about the situation at all."
Or really, in Jean-Paul and his relationship. Annoyance crept tension into Simon's shoulders at the thought that others at the school might suddenly be expecting things of him just because they thought they understood a relationship even Simon didn't fully understand yet.
"You're a friend, Simon. Of course I get concerned. I thought that was one of the mutual benefits."
"I just meant..." Simon sighed heavily and looked at her. "What do you want me to say?"
"Ideally? That you're enjoying yourself. That you're doing this because it makes you happy, not out of obligation. But I'll settle for the truth."
He blinked at her, surprised. "Of course it makes me happy."
She relaxed a little. "That's good. They way you were framing it...I wasn't actually sure. You're dedicated enough that I could actually see you going to those lengths for a study."
"I...tian xiao de, Inara. Even I wouldn't lead someone on just for the sake of research. I mean, I hope you know that. I would never - Jean-Paul is...that is, I really..." Simon stumbled over the words, even letting some Mandarin slip in out of pure surprise. Rarely did he ever use the language with anyone but his sister, but there were times when it managed to sneak into his vocabulary.
Her eyes widened. "Oh, god...no, I'm sorry, Simon, I didn't mean you would..." She stumbled a moment, then regained her composure. "I didn't mean to imply that, and I am sorry. Obviously you're both friends. It's just that sometimes it seems like he's..."
Simon frowned. "He's...what?"
"Pressing you."
The two words resonated deeply in Simon's heart, and he found himself looking away before he could stop himself. "He comes from a different world. He presses because he cares, and...and it's not that he doesn't make me happy. He does, very much. It's just...no one understands."
Inara's heart twisted a little. She rarely saw Simon looking anything but confident and collected (if occasionally a little awkward), and it was a new thing to see him so shaken.
"No one understand what?" she prompted gently.
"That I can't just come out and say that I...I care about him. That I can't let what I feel interfere in what I have to do."
"I'm sorry. I really don't understand what you mean."
Simon swallowed. "Inara. He's in the spotlight. With every win, his fame spreads. And the more his fame spreads, the more people start to pay attention to him. It's a distraction at best - a circus at its worst. If they found out about us, especially being a same-sex couple, the media would take the idea and run.
"There's my family to think about, yes. My father, at the very least, might take measures to appease his more conservative clients. He might strip me of my accounts, or worse. That means that any money I might be able to help other mutants with, or help with mutant research with would be beyond my reach. More than that, though, there's the mutant issue itself to think about. Yes, Ms. Blaire is famous and has quite a dedicated following herself, but the attention to a gay athlete in a relationship with a schoolmate might very well top that. What would happen if they began to dig into Xavier's for more details on our relationship? And...if they did, if...all of this came to light..."
Do you really think that I could spend as much time dedicating myself to helping you and others as I do now if it did?"
Inara was quiet for a moment, then reached out to squeeze Simon's hand. There was no judgment in her expression.
"You sound as if you've had that on your mind for a while."
He swallowed as well, and dropped his gaze, squeezing her hand in return. "I guess I have. It...it doesn't mean I care about him any less."
"No. You're thinking beyond yourself, I see that. But don't think you have to handle what might come of your relationship with Jean-Paul alone." She cupped his chin and turned his gaze up to meet hers. "Think logically. You're good at that. What are your resources?"
Simon released her hand, rubbing at the back of his neck. "In what hypothetical eventuality?"
"Middling scenario, but not worst case -- your father finds out, but the Kardashians have an incestuous, polygamous communal wedding the same week and the media decides you two a small change as a news story."
"Distraction and diversion," Simon murmured. "Convince the media that Xavier's isn't news-worthy. That's more like a best-case scenario. My father could still strip my accounts, but Xavier's would weather Jean-Paul's fame, and I could continue to study with Moira."
"Depending on how things turn in the public eye, you could be publishing in a few years," Inara agreed. "And don't forget...you're an asset to the mutant cause yourself. I doubt Xavier would stick you on a charity stipend and leave you to languish."
"If Xavier is who he says he is. If he's honest about what he wants from the school," Simon added.
Inara nodded. Everyone here had their suspicions, she was sure. "Do you have another working theory?"
Simon shook his head gently. "No. He seems genuine."
Inara nodded, relaxing a little. "So do I. I think he may be trying a bit too hard to be soothing to an audience that would prefer concrete reassurance...but I do think he means it for the best. But back to the subject at hand. I'm not saying you should out yourself. Just...if it happens, you may not be as screwed as you think."
"I'm already receiving harsh criticism for not being more open about it," Simon sighed.
Inara's expression darkened. "So he is pushing you?"
Simon sighed and rubbed his face. "Not him. He's been really patient with me, even if I don't think he understands."
Inara considered the remaining possibilities, not that she could think of many. "His sister?"
Simon gave a small nod. "Although, I'm starting to get the feeling that she's just the most vocal of those who disapprove."
"That's a surprise. I thought he kept mostly to himself."
He gave a small shrug, with a little smile. "Jean-Paul is an extremely loyal friend, once you earn it. I know it seems like he keeps to himself, but it's just because he needs to know that he can trust the friends he does have."
"Sounds lonely, but either way, he isn't the problem. It sounds like the usual: hell is other people."
He glanced up at her, a smile ticking at the corner of his mouth.
"Well, that's a little better." She winked at him. "But really...are you coping with the weight of all of that by yourself? This idea that if you come out, it will bring down the school?"
"I..." Simon opened, then closed his mouth, frowning slightly at the thought that he should have done anything different. But, of course, he would have told any other student that they needed to speak to a counselor about their concerns. More than that...speak with their boyfriend or girlfriend, too.
Inara poked his shoulder lightly. "Physician-to-be, heal thyself."
Simon gave her a wry look. "I thought we were talking about you, and being on this squad. Who are you training with, anyway?"
"Not many I'm familiar with personally. Just Pietro. Then there's Guthrie, Worthington, Tessa...Oh, and Salvatore."
Simon blinked, then stiffened a little. "Both Paige and you are in with that...mind-controller?"
"Is he the one who got beaten up last week? I heard he went after one of the girls."
"Ah, different mind-controller," Simon hummed. He didn't like the fact that there was actually more than one at the school. Or even one at all. "Anders was the one who used his powers on Jeanne-Marie. Nathan Young, too, I think. Though I was told several months ago that Salvatore attempted to use his ability on Lydia Martin."
"I see." Inara's lips were pressed into a thin line. "I can see where the concern would enter in."
"Be careful, Inara," Simon murmured. "I know you can take care of yourself, but...you can't know if he might try to pull something with you...or with Paige, for that matter."
"You think either one would try something with everyone on alert?"
Simon frowned. "I think that teenagers can be stupid, whether they're mutants or not."
"There is that," Inara admitted. "But we'll have a whole team watching our backs."
"Ideally," Simon frowned. "At least, I believe that Tessa will watch out for you. Pietro too, though he is...somewhat flighty."
"He has his good points," Inara laughed. "But I promise, I'll be on alert. And using my powers as minimally as possible."
Simon frowned. "I don't like that we're not on the same squad. It means I'm not on hand to monitor your situation if something goes wrong."
"Simon, I don't have a heart condition. We both know..." She stumbled a moment, but recovered quickly. "...this is incremental. I'm sure there are other students who are at greater immediate risk from their powers than I am."
He dropped his gaze and spread his hands a little. "I know...I'm just. Worried about you."
"And it's one of the reasons you're going to be a fantastic surgeon. But I'm all right." That was a lie, so she amended. "I'm all right for now."
"You know you can talk to me if any part of it starts to bother you," Simon pointed out.
"I don't think there's any part of this that's going to stop bothering me any time soon," she admitted, "but I know which course of action will help me sleep better at night. I'm...getting very tired of being a pretty little doll, Simon."
Simon nodded slowly. He did understand, to a certain extent. "So you don't want to stand on the sidelines anymore."
"That's a big part of it," she agreed.
"Neither do I," Simon admitted. "I mean, I don't...want to hurt anyone. But I want to be ready, if something happens."
"I suppose we'll be getting a lot of the same training," Inara mused. "Neither of us really has much in the way of offensive capability."
"You almost sound as though you're disappointed," Simon answered, in a dry tone, a smile on his lips.
"Not disappointed, but definitely curious. Unless I end up on the sidelines in a smaller group," she added, "then disappointment with a side of homicidal anger."
Simon laughed softly. "Well, something tells me that they would see that one coming and won't try it."
Inara knew that technically, Moira was her primary physician. She didn't have to share her decision with Simon or with Josh. But they'd both tried so hard to help with her condition that keeping it from them seemed selfish in the extreme. She just hoped she could explain herself properly.
She took a deep breath, straightened her spine, and knocked on the door to 101 West.
It took a few moments for someone to answer. In fact, it took approximately the amount of time for Simon to actually realize there was a knock on the door, drag himself out of his train of thought, then realize that Jean-Paul wasn't going to answer it, since he wasn't actually in the room. But, eventually, Simon answered it, blinking at the girl standing outside. Granted, he was used to Jeanne-Marie dropping by, but... "Inara. What are you doing here?"
In the boys' dorm went unspoken.
"I had something to tell you, and the infirmary seemed too...impersonal." She offered him a smile. "We don't have to talk here, but..."
"No," Simon blinked and stepped back. "No, sorry. Please come in. It's private, at least."
Inara nodded in acceptance of the invitation, and stepped across the threshold. She was unable to resist laughing at the pile of sporting gear on Jean-Paul's bed.
"He can't be getting ready for next year already."
Simon glanced over as he shut the door, then shook his head. "I wasn't paying attention when he hauled it out. For all I know, he's just cleaning the lot of it, or simply showing off. Although, in all honesty, it wouldn't surprise me."
"It must be like looking in a mirror, living with someone that intense." But her tone was teasing. That faded soon enough. "I wanted to let you know...I'll be participating in the training squads."
Simon was about to reply to her accusation when the news hit him, and he stared at her for a moment, trying to absorb what she was telling him. "Are you...you can't be serious."
"I'm entirely serious." Inara folded her arms over her chest. "For one thing, it could help with my control."
"Valid," Simon dropped into his desk chair, frowning, "But gaining control means you have to use your abilities."
"I know." Her voice caught just a little. "But tell me the truth...do you think this is just about learning power control? Because I don't."
"I..." Simon frowned and ran his fingers through his hair. "No. I don't think any of us think that."
"I didn't think so. And the idea of letting everyone else here prepare for the front lines while I cower in my room doesn't have any appeal at all."
"Inara..." Simon frowned deeply, then lowered his voice. "Everyone else here isn't...isn't dying."
"That did cross my mind." Her voice remained civil, but so polite that there was no doubt Simon had said just the wrong thing. "Of course, depending on how badly things go, a lot of students here might be dying soon. Or wish they were, if the Facility gets a hold of them. I don't want to hope for the best and be unprepared if the worst happens."
Simon sighed. "Apparently, no one wants to sit on the sidelines around here..."
A very faint tone of amusement crept into her voice at that. "Says the man who couldn't bear to stay at home with the knowledge that his boyfriend might have to cope with being adored and cosseted without him."
Simon sighed inwardly. Yes, apparently, the entire school was in the know. "It was research. Besides, he asked."
"Simon, do you really think you're fooling anyone?" She finally moved closer, leaning up against his desk. "What's so wrong with saying you went because you enjoy being with him?"
"I don't...I mean," Simon sighed and ran a hand through his hair. "Of course I do, but it's not just about that. It's not my only motivation - but yes, it's a large factor. Why does it matter?"
"I'd like to think you're doing it because you're happy to. Not because you're doing a favor."
Simon frowned slightly. "I didn't know you were concerned about the situation at all."
Or really, in Jean-Paul and his relationship. Annoyance crept tension into Simon's shoulders at the thought that others at the school might suddenly be expecting things of him just because they thought they understood a relationship even Simon didn't fully understand yet.
"You're a friend, Simon. Of course I get concerned. I thought that was one of the mutual benefits."
"I just meant..." Simon sighed heavily and looked at her. "What do you want me to say?"
"Ideally? That you're enjoying yourself. That you're doing this because it makes you happy, not out of obligation. But I'll settle for the truth."
He blinked at her, surprised. "Of course it makes me happy."
She relaxed a little. "That's good. They way you were framing it...I wasn't actually sure. You're dedicated enough that I could actually see you going to those lengths for a study."
"I...tian xiao de, Inara. Even I wouldn't lead someone on just for the sake of research. I mean, I hope you know that. I would never - Jean-Paul is...that is, I really..." Simon stumbled over the words, even letting some Mandarin slip in out of pure surprise. Rarely did he ever use the language with anyone but his sister, but there were times when it managed to sneak into his vocabulary.
Her eyes widened. "Oh, god...no, I'm sorry, Simon, I didn't mean you would..." She stumbled a moment, then regained her composure. "I didn't mean to imply that, and I am sorry. Obviously you're both friends. It's just that sometimes it seems like he's..."
Simon frowned. "He's...what?"
"Pressing you."
The two words resonated deeply in Simon's heart, and he found himself looking away before he could stop himself. "He comes from a different world. He presses because he cares, and...and it's not that he doesn't make me happy. He does, very much. It's just...no one understands."
Inara's heart twisted a little. She rarely saw Simon looking anything but confident and collected (if occasionally a little awkward), and it was a new thing to see him so shaken.
"No one understand what?" she prompted gently.
"That I can't just come out and say that I...I care about him. That I can't let what I feel interfere in what I have to do."
"I'm sorry. I really don't understand what you mean."
Simon swallowed. "Inara. He's in the spotlight. With every win, his fame spreads. And the more his fame spreads, the more people start to pay attention to him. It's a distraction at best - a circus at its worst. If they found out about us, especially being a same-sex couple, the media would take the idea and run.
"There's my family to think about, yes. My father, at the very least, might take measures to appease his more conservative clients. He might strip me of my accounts, or worse. That means that any money I might be able to help other mutants with, or help with mutant research with would be beyond my reach. More than that, though, there's the mutant issue itself to think about. Yes, Ms. Blaire is famous and has quite a dedicated following herself, but the attention to a gay athlete in a relationship with a schoolmate might very well top that. What would happen if they began to dig into Xavier's for more details on our relationship? And...if they did, if...all of this came to light..."
Do you really think that I could spend as much time dedicating myself to helping you and others as I do now if it did?"
Inara was quiet for a moment, then reached out to squeeze Simon's hand. There was no judgment in her expression.
"You sound as if you've had that on your mind for a while."
He swallowed as well, and dropped his gaze, squeezing her hand in return. "I guess I have. It...it doesn't mean I care about him any less."
"No. You're thinking beyond yourself, I see that. But don't think you have to handle what might come of your relationship with Jean-Paul alone." She cupped his chin and turned his gaze up to meet hers. "Think logically. You're good at that. What are your resources?"
Simon released her hand, rubbing at the back of his neck. "In what hypothetical eventuality?"
"Middling scenario, but not worst case -- your father finds out, but the Kardashians have an incestuous, polygamous communal wedding the same week and the media decides you two a small change as a news story."
"Distraction and diversion," Simon murmured. "Convince the media that Xavier's isn't news-worthy. That's more like a best-case scenario. My father could still strip my accounts, but Xavier's would weather Jean-Paul's fame, and I could continue to study with Moira."
"Depending on how things turn in the public eye, you could be publishing in a few years," Inara agreed. "And don't forget...you're an asset to the mutant cause yourself. I doubt Xavier would stick you on a charity stipend and leave you to languish."
"If Xavier is who he says he is. If he's honest about what he wants from the school," Simon added.
Inara nodded. Everyone here had their suspicions, she was sure. "Do you have another working theory?"
Simon shook his head gently. "No. He seems genuine."
Inara nodded, relaxing a little. "So do I. I think he may be trying a bit too hard to be soothing to an audience that would prefer concrete reassurance...but I do think he means it for the best. But back to the subject at hand. I'm not saying you should out yourself. Just...if it happens, you may not be as screwed as you think."
"I'm already receiving harsh criticism for not being more open about it," Simon sighed.
Inara's expression darkened. "So he is pushing you?"
Simon sighed and rubbed his face. "Not him. He's been really patient with me, even if I don't think he understands."
Inara considered the remaining possibilities, not that she could think of many. "His sister?"
Simon gave a small nod. "Although, I'm starting to get the feeling that she's just the most vocal of those who disapprove."
"That's a surprise. I thought he kept mostly to himself."
He gave a small shrug, with a little smile. "Jean-Paul is an extremely loyal friend, once you earn it. I know it seems like he keeps to himself, but it's just because he needs to know that he can trust the friends he does have."
"Sounds lonely, but either way, he isn't the problem. It sounds like the usual: hell is other people."
He glanced up at her, a smile ticking at the corner of his mouth.
"Well, that's a little better." She winked at him. "But really...are you coping with the weight of all of that by yourself? This idea that if you come out, it will bring down the school?"
"I..." Simon opened, then closed his mouth, frowning slightly at the thought that he should have done anything different. But, of course, he would have told any other student that they needed to speak to a counselor about their concerns. More than that...speak with their boyfriend or girlfriend, too.
Inara poked his shoulder lightly. "Physician-to-be, heal thyself."
Simon gave her a wry look. "I thought we were talking about you, and being on this squad. Who are you training with, anyway?"
"Not many I'm familiar with personally. Just Pietro. Then there's Guthrie, Worthington, Tessa...Oh, and Salvatore."
Simon blinked, then stiffened a little. "Both Paige and you are in with that...mind-controller?"
"Is he the one who got beaten up last week? I heard he went after one of the girls."
"Ah, different mind-controller," Simon hummed. He didn't like the fact that there was actually more than one at the school. Or even one at all. "Anders was the one who used his powers on Jeanne-Marie. Nathan Young, too, I think. Though I was told several months ago that Salvatore attempted to use his ability on Lydia Martin."
"I see." Inara's lips were pressed into a thin line. "I can see where the concern would enter in."
"Be careful, Inara," Simon murmured. "I know you can take care of yourself, but...you can't know if he might try to pull something with you...or with Paige, for that matter."
"You think either one would try something with everyone on alert?"
Simon frowned. "I think that teenagers can be stupid, whether they're mutants or not."
"There is that," Inara admitted. "But we'll have a whole team watching our backs."
"Ideally," Simon frowned. "At least, I believe that Tessa will watch out for you. Pietro too, though he is...somewhat flighty."
"He has his good points," Inara laughed. "But I promise, I'll be on alert. And using my powers as minimally as possible."
Simon frowned. "I don't like that we're not on the same squad. It means I'm not on hand to monitor your situation if something goes wrong."
"Simon, I don't have a heart condition. We both know..." She stumbled a moment, but recovered quickly. "...this is incremental. I'm sure there are other students who are at greater immediate risk from their powers than I am."
He dropped his gaze and spread his hands a little. "I know...I'm just. Worried about you."
"And it's one of the reasons you're going to be a fantastic surgeon. But I'm all right." That was a lie, so she amended. "I'm all right for now."
"You know you can talk to me if any part of it starts to bother you," Simon pointed out.
"I don't think there's any part of this that's going to stop bothering me any time soon," she admitted, "but I know which course of action will help me sleep better at night. I'm...getting very tired of being a pretty little doll, Simon."
Simon nodded slowly. He did understand, to a certain extent. "So you don't want to stand on the sidelines anymore."
"That's a big part of it," she agreed.
"Neither do I," Simon admitted. "I mean, I don't...want to hurt anyone. But I want to be ready, if something happens."
"I suppose we'll be getting a lot of the same training," Inara mused. "Neither of us really has much in the way of offensive capability."
"You almost sound as though you're disappointed," Simon answered, in a dry tone, a smile on his lips.
"Not disappointed, but definitely curious. Unless I end up on the sidelines in a smaller group," she added, "then disappointment with a side of homicidal anger."
Simon laughed softly. "Well, something tells me that they would see that one coming and won't try it."
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Date: 2013-04-03 04:37 am (UTC)Ferociously, Damon. Ferociously.
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Date: 2013-04-05 02:51 am (UTC)But yes, Inara, you can point (and Tessa... And Paige...), he will destroy. You have many willing soldiers on your squad.
These two. Their dynamic is so perrrrrfect ugh. All the hearts.