Nick and Rahne, Backdated to 10/9/15
Oct. 9th, 2015 05:17 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
om_wolfcub posting in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png){kind=small}
om_mainRahne spies Nick making a fool of himself during some independent training. An awkward conversation follows, but at least they enter an agreement to become training buddies.
Warning: Mild sexism on behalf of Nick's brain. Also mild self-image issues and problems from Nick's traumatic past.
Was this the fourth or fifth time he'd fallen? Nick had lost track for a moment. Maybe it was the sixth.
Honestly, he was lucky Toby wasn't around. He wasn't certain which would be worse: the stinging criticism, or the demands that he get himself to the infirmary just to make sure he was fine. But this was an exercise he was doing, for now, on his own.
Sure, he'd learned how to run on all fours. In the gym and on flat ground. He'd yet to do it anywhere that wasn't a level plane.
Nick leaned against the tree trunk, recounting the times. First time had been a tree root. Second time was a tree he'd failed to just avoid in time, his feet slipping on the grass. Third time... he was fairly certain that had been a rock he hadn't noticed tumbling from under his foot. Fourth time was another root, or maybe just a bump in the ground. Fifth time was a squirrel running past him, distracting him, and he'd just lost his footing. Sixth time was... just now, when he'd slipped again, and put himself back-first into a tree trunk.
So six times. This was possibly the most embarrassing thing he'd ever done to himself. He was just hoping he didn't have any evidence hanging around on hidden cameras or something...
Nearby, Rahne was watching silently. This was the only fall she had witnessed; she was just now being dressed after a run of her own. She was sitting in the leaf strewn forest ground, wearing only the blouse dress she had stashed earlier. Now she was just gawping. Nick seemed truly bad at this.
Nick blew some air out of his mouth, taking his time in getting back up and dusting himself off, before he noticed Rahne. Sure, he'd smelled her around, but she got around the woods plenty. He figured he'd have privacy to screw up in. He winced more at the thought of being observed during this time of trial-and-error more than just failing to notice her. "Hey," he said, weakly, acknowledging she was there. "I'm fine, really. No worries."
"You dunnae seem injured, or I'd have..." She had to stop and make an odd face, trying not to laugh. "You're rather bad at that, I'd say."
Nick groaned in embarrassment. "Eugh... how much did you see?" he asked, hesitantly.
"Only a little." Rahne stood up, and her soft knit dress settled itself around her legs. "You're thinking of them too much like arms."
Nick straightened up a bit, scrunching up his nose a bit. "What?" he asked, completely clueless about what she was talking about.
"It's why you're clumsy running that way." She brushed some leaves off of her skirt. "You're thinking of your front as people arms. You have to learn that they can be wolf legs when you need them."
"But they are arms," Nick said, blinking. He looked at his hands. His arms ended in hands, not feet, so they were arms. But she did have a point. He sighed, and walked over toward her so he didn't have to speak quite as loud. "How do you think I should go about fixing that?" he asked, though he figured she might not really have advice for him.
Rahne shrugged one shoulder. This was a topic she wasn't too fond of. "It takes practice. You have to be able to switch back and forth between boy and wolf quickly and comfortably."
"That's... what I've been doing," he confessed. "This is the sixth time I've fallen. I keep getting a bit farther each time, I think." No real great way for him to measure distance here, after all. "And I keep changing it up so it isn't memorization of a path, it's... it's work." He shrugged. "Like everything else I do to prep for JVX."
"I'm surprised that you're aiming for JVX."
"A-am I that bad?" Nick asked, looking horrified.
"What? No." She started her walk out of the woods. It was about time to go back to the mansion for dinner. "You've just always seemed quite peaceful."
"The whole idea behind JVX is peace," Nick said, falling into step nearby. "It's... what I want. I want to help." Mentally, he added, I want to be worth something.
"You already are a warrior of righteousness. In the eyes of God." She closed her own eyes, feeling the familiar earth guide her steps. "But it's good. That you want to let your light shine, rather than hiding it under a bushel."
He wasn't sure about the warrior of righteousness thing. Or the God thing, either. "If you say so. I just... I don't know if I'll ever be ready. Or even if I think I am, if they'll think I am."
"I think everyone goes through there. Through that feeling of not being ready." Rahne ought to know, after all. "Either it will pass, or you'll find your feet on another path."
"Yeah, but... this is the path I want," Nick said, emphatically. "I just... I want to be like Jean-Paul. I want to be like Laura. I ... wanna be strong and save people." And yet he couldn't help but feel so impotent while saying that.
She shrugged. "God knows what's best for you. Follow the desire of your heart. It's probably the calling he's put there for a reason. I'm only saying: don't despair if God has another plan for you."
Nick made a face. He didn't really want to get in a faith debate. "It... must be nice, having your faith." He blew a breath out of his nose. What else could he say to that?
"Some days," she agreed, feeling the full weight of her melancholy.
"Only some days?" Nick asked, curious. "What about the others?"
"Then it's a very, very heavy burden."
"Isn't the whole point of faith for it to not be a burden?" Nick asked, looking confused. "I-I mean, I don't really know, myself," he added. "It was just sort of my understanding of it."
She shook her head. "We have the burden to listen to God's will instead of our own. And to tell the difference."
That sounded kind of shitty, when she put it that way, Nick thought. "But didn't God give you free will so that you could exercise it?" Nick asked, unsure of himself.
She nodded. "Free will so that we can freely choose to honor God."
"Ah... right." Free will to be used how he mandated it. That seemed... odd. "I just... my parents were never into the whole... God thing." And now they were gone. "And now that they're... gone... and with the things I've done... Everything just feels uncertain, you know? It's nice that you have that... that foundation, you know?"
"So you don't believe in God?" Rahne asked. Her tone was surprisingly light. She had found that nearly no one in this school believed in God.
Nick exhaled, and then shook his head. "No, I just... don't know what to believe."
"I see," she said, though she didn't. God was in evidence all around them.
"That's all you have to say about that?" Nick asked, surprised. "I mean, can you blame me, though? Would a loving and merciful God make me look like this? Would he take my parents away like that?" Nick felt his throat tighten, and his hands clenched. He didn't come here to argue. He didn't come here to fight. He just needed to think about that, and wonder where that anger had come from...
Rahne cast her eyes down. "God would do whatever it is he's done. For his own reasons." When she thought about it, now, she mostly felt numb. Empty, rather, yes empty was more like it.
"I..." Nick heaved a sigh. "I'm sorry. It's just... senseless of me, I guess, to go around demanding answers from random people." It made him feel bad. "At least... at least you have hope, you know? You're strong, and you're a pretty girl," Nick said, maybe just a bit bashfully. "Y-you have, y-y'know, a shot at a good future. You could be a mother someday. Maybe open a bakery. Or a flower shop. Or teach. Or become a doctor. I-I mean, sky's the limit for you." Now he was rambling. "What chance do I have, though? I'm all... weird looking."
"Isn't that what this place is for, though? Wretches like us?"
"I fail to see how you're close to anything resembling 'wretch,'" Nick opined.
She smiled sadly. "And it's probably better to keep not knowing, don't you think?"
"I know I'm not one to preach this, but sometimes it's better to trust how others see you than how you see yourself," Nick returned.
"And sometimes, it's the worst mistake." She huffed a sigh. "In any case, it's nothing to do with you. You wouldn't gain anything from hearing my sorry story. Just know that you aren't alone, in struggling. And struggling for faith."
"I guess that's something to be thankful for," Nick murmured. "But maybe it wouldn't be about what I gained. Maybe you would get something from hearing your story. Sometimes just... getting it off your chest counts for a lot."
"Sometimes it does," she answered, a little bit of ice in her voice. Now was definitely not the time or place.
"I get it," Nick said, quietly, looking away. "Sorry. I'm... not real good at this kind of thing, I guess." He sighed. "Just forget I said anything about it." Of course she wouldn't talk to him. Who'd dump their feelings on a guy who looked like him anyway? "Hopefully it was entertaining enough to see me run into trees like an idiot."
"It was a little funny," she agreed, her expression warming again. "Probably you should practice somewhere a bit flatter first. It's...an odd feeling when you get it right. And if you think about it while you're doing it, well..." She mimed tipping over.
Nick snorted a laugh. "I've been practicing in the Danger Room. But I guess there's a difference between a flat metal or concrete surface and natural hills and fields. Probably was kinda stupid of me to jump straight to woodland running, huh?" Nick said, feeling real dumb now that he thought about it.
"That wouldn't have been my first advice, no."
"Yeah, now that I'm actually taking a moment to think, I... am an idiot." Nick nodded. "Yep. Just confirms it." He sighed. If Toby caught wind of this, he wouldn't hear the end of it... She'd probably wind up making George of the Jungle jokes at him all the time...
"You just didn't think things through. You seem like more of a...do-er."
"It's easier for me to get up and do things than dwell on everything I want to do but can't," Nick pointed out. At least, when it came to things not regarding romance. Funny how that worked, he realized...
"That may be true. But just a wee bit more foresight probably would have saved you a few bruises this evening."
"I'd like to think that I get better about that kind of thing as the stakes go up," Nick grumbled, more disappointed in himself. "I just... keep wanting to make more progress. I want to have at least a year or two in JVX before I try to move to the Senior Team. So that I know I'm ready."
"Just how fast do you expect to go?" Rahne shook her head. "If you've never driven before, probably it isn't best to start out trying to compete on the racetrack."
"I know. I've never... done anything like that. Like this. Ever. And if I slow down, if I let up for too long, I start... just thinking that I can't do it. That I won't ever amount to anything." Distraction after distraction after distraction. Video games, homework, working out, getting buzzed at Evolution... It wasn't healthy, and he knew it wasn't, but it felt better than facing things.
"Maybe you should get a coach," she said. Didn't people get coaches for this sort of thing?
"I... sort of have a few," Nick confessed. Did Toby count? Maybe Jean-Paul was more like a cheerleader. And of course his therapist was kind of like a coach...
"Perhaps you should have a meeting, then."
"I've been meeting with them," Nick said, evasively.
"Well, I find it hard to believe anyone with any authority condones this," she said.
"I just... kind of tried it," Nick said, lamely. "I figured I'd mess up a lot, so I didn't bother telling anyone, 'cause I didn't want to mess up in front of someone and get embarrassed." And yet it happened anyway.
"Hmm." She looked up for one last glimpse of blue sky before they made it indoors. "I guess I did, too."
"Well, seems to be working alright for you," Nick chuckled, reaching forward to get the door for her.
"I guess so," she said, as she slid by him.
"I'm... sorry if it isn't. H-hey, maybe we should be... uh... training buddies, you know? Try to help each other get ready for JVX and stuff."
"That sounds like a lovely idea," she said. She was clearly still strained just a bit from her run. "I'll make sure to get some more modest exercise clothing."
"I... okay," Nick said, just a bit puzzled by that. But whatever she wanted. He was wondering what she considered so immodest. "I mean, warmer might be better, too, what with winter coming." Not that he had to worry. Fur pretty much solved that problem. He had to admit, he was looking forward to winter.
"We'll work it out. Maybe get some advice from your coaches," she said, a smile in her voice.
Toby would probably approve. And maybe make some remark about the wolf girl being a good match for him. "That sounds good to me," Nick agreed, grinning just a bit.
Warning: Mild sexism on behalf of Nick's brain. Also mild self-image issues and problems from Nick's traumatic past.
Was this the fourth or fifth time he'd fallen? Nick had lost track for a moment. Maybe it was the sixth.
Honestly, he was lucky Toby wasn't around. He wasn't certain which would be worse: the stinging criticism, or the demands that he get himself to the infirmary just to make sure he was fine. But this was an exercise he was doing, for now, on his own.
Sure, he'd learned how to run on all fours. In the gym and on flat ground. He'd yet to do it anywhere that wasn't a level plane.
Nick leaned against the tree trunk, recounting the times. First time had been a tree root. Second time was a tree he'd failed to just avoid in time, his feet slipping on the grass. Third time... he was fairly certain that had been a rock he hadn't noticed tumbling from under his foot. Fourth time was another root, or maybe just a bump in the ground. Fifth time was a squirrel running past him, distracting him, and he'd just lost his footing. Sixth time was... just now, when he'd slipped again, and put himself back-first into a tree trunk.
So six times. This was possibly the most embarrassing thing he'd ever done to himself. He was just hoping he didn't have any evidence hanging around on hidden cameras or something...
Nearby, Rahne was watching silently. This was the only fall she had witnessed; she was just now being dressed after a run of her own. She was sitting in the leaf strewn forest ground, wearing only the blouse dress she had stashed earlier. Now she was just gawping. Nick seemed truly bad at this.
Nick blew some air out of his mouth, taking his time in getting back up and dusting himself off, before he noticed Rahne. Sure, he'd smelled her around, but she got around the woods plenty. He figured he'd have privacy to screw up in. He winced more at the thought of being observed during this time of trial-and-error more than just failing to notice her. "Hey," he said, weakly, acknowledging she was there. "I'm fine, really. No worries."
"You dunnae seem injured, or I'd have..." She had to stop and make an odd face, trying not to laugh. "You're rather bad at that, I'd say."
Nick groaned in embarrassment. "Eugh... how much did you see?" he asked, hesitantly.
"Only a little." Rahne stood up, and her soft knit dress settled itself around her legs. "You're thinking of them too much like arms."
Nick straightened up a bit, scrunching up his nose a bit. "What?" he asked, completely clueless about what she was talking about.
"It's why you're clumsy running that way." She brushed some leaves off of her skirt. "You're thinking of your front as people arms. You have to learn that they can be wolf legs when you need them."
"But they are arms," Nick said, blinking. He looked at his hands. His arms ended in hands, not feet, so they were arms. But she did have a point. He sighed, and walked over toward her so he didn't have to speak quite as loud. "How do you think I should go about fixing that?" he asked, though he figured she might not really have advice for him.
Rahne shrugged one shoulder. This was a topic she wasn't too fond of. "It takes practice. You have to be able to switch back and forth between boy and wolf quickly and comfortably."
"That's... what I've been doing," he confessed. "This is the sixth time I've fallen. I keep getting a bit farther each time, I think." No real great way for him to measure distance here, after all. "And I keep changing it up so it isn't memorization of a path, it's... it's work." He shrugged. "Like everything else I do to prep for JVX."
"I'm surprised that you're aiming for JVX."
"A-am I that bad?" Nick asked, looking horrified.
"What? No." She started her walk out of the woods. It was about time to go back to the mansion for dinner. "You've just always seemed quite peaceful."
"The whole idea behind JVX is peace," Nick said, falling into step nearby. "It's... what I want. I want to help." Mentally, he added, I want to be worth something.
"You already are a warrior of righteousness. In the eyes of God." She closed her own eyes, feeling the familiar earth guide her steps. "But it's good. That you want to let your light shine, rather than hiding it under a bushel."
He wasn't sure about the warrior of righteousness thing. Or the God thing, either. "If you say so. I just... I don't know if I'll ever be ready. Or even if I think I am, if they'll think I am."
"I think everyone goes through there. Through that feeling of not being ready." Rahne ought to know, after all. "Either it will pass, or you'll find your feet on another path."
"Yeah, but... this is the path I want," Nick said, emphatically. "I just... I want to be like Jean-Paul. I want to be like Laura. I ... wanna be strong and save people." And yet he couldn't help but feel so impotent while saying that.
She shrugged. "God knows what's best for you. Follow the desire of your heart. It's probably the calling he's put there for a reason. I'm only saying: don't despair if God has another plan for you."
Nick made a face. He didn't really want to get in a faith debate. "It... must be nice, having your faith." He blew a breath out of his nose. What else could he say to that?
"Some days," she agreed, feeling the full weight of her melancholy.
"Only some days?" Nick asked, curious. "What about the others?"
"Then it's a very, very heavy burden."
"Isn't the whole point of faith for it to not be a burden?" Nick asked, looking confused. "I-I mean, I don't really know, myself," he added. "It was just sort of my understanding of it."
She shook her head. "We have the burden to listen to God's will instead of our own. And to tell the difference."
That sounded kind of shitty, when she put it that way, Nick thought. "But didn't God give you free will so that you could exercise it?" Nick asked, unsure of himself.
She nodded. "Free will so that we can freely choose to honor God."
"Ah... right." Free will to be used how he mandated it. That seemed... odd. "I just... my parents were never into the whole... God thing." And now they were gone. "And now that they're... gone... and with the things I've done... Everything just feels uncertain, you know? It's nice that you have that... that foundation, you know?"
"So you don't believe in God?" Rahne asked. Her tone was surprisingly light. She had found that nearly no one in this school believed in God.
Nick exhaled, and then shook his head. "No, I just... don't know what to believe."
"I see," she said, though she didn't. God was in evidence all around them.
"That's all you have to say about that?" Nick asked, surprised. "I mean, can you blame me, though? Would a loving and merciful God make me look like this? Would he take my parents away like that?" Nick felt his throat tighten, and his hands clenched. He didn't come here to argue. He didn't come here to fight. He just needed to think about that, and wonder where that anger had come from...
Rahne cast her eyes down. "God would do whatever it is he's done. For his own reasons." When she thought about it, now, she mostly felt numb. Empty, rather, yes empty was more like it.
"I..." Nick heaved a sigh. "I'm sorry. It's just... senseless of me, I guess, to go around demanding answers from random people." It made him feel bad. "At least... at least you have hope, you know? You're strong, and you're a pretty girl," Nick said, maybe just a bit bashfully. "Y-you have, y-y'know, a shot at a good future. You could be a mother someday. Maybe open a bakery. Or a flower shop. Or teach. Or become a doctor. I-I mean, sky's the limit for you." Now he was rambling. "What chance do I have, though? I'm all... weird looking."
"Isn't that what this place is for, though? Wretches like us?"
"I fail to see how you're close to anything resembling 'wretch,'" Nick opined.
She smiled sadly. "And it's probably better to keep not knowing, don't you think?"
"I know I'm not one to preach this, but sometimes it's better to trust how others see you than how you see yourself," Nick returned.
"And sometimes, it's the worst mistake." She huffed a sigh. "In any case, it's nothing to do with you. You wouldn't gain anything from hearing my sorry story. Just know that you aren't alone, in struggling. And struggling for faith."
"I guess that's something to be thankful for," Nick murmured. "But maybe it wouldn't be about what I gained. Maybe you would get something from hearing your story. Sometimes just... getting it off your chest counts for a lot."
"Sometimes it does," she answered, a little bit of ice in her voice. Now was definitely not the time or place.
"I get it," Nick said, quietly, looking away. "Sorry. I'm... not real good at this kind of thing, I guess." He sighed. "Just forget I said anything about it." Of course she wouldn't talk to him. Who'd dump their feelings on a guy who looked like him anyway? "Hopefully it was entertaining enough to see me run into trees like an idiot."
"It was a little funny," she agreed, her expression warming again. "Probably you should practice somewhere a bit flatter first. It's...an odd feeling when you get it right. And if you think about it while you're doing it, well..." She mimed tipping over.
Nick snorted a laugh. "I've been practicing in the Danger Room. But I guess there's a difference between a flat metal or concrete surface and natural hills and fields. Probably was kinda stupid of me to jump straight to woodland running, huh?" Nick said, feeling real dumb now that he thought about it.
"That wouldn't have been my first advice, no."
"Yeah, now that I'm actually taking a moment to think, I... am an idiot." Nick nodded. "Yep. Just confirms it." He sighed. If Toby caught wind of this, he wouldn't hear the end of it... She'd probably wind up making George of the Jungle jokes at him all the time...
"You just didn't think things through. You seem like more of a...do-er."
"It's easier for me to get up and do things than dwell on everything I want to do but can't," Nick pointed out. At least, when it came to things not regarding romance. Funny how that worked, he realized...
"That may be true. But just a wee bit more foresight probably would have saved you a few bruises this evening."
"I'd like to think that I get better about that kind of thing as the stakes go up," Nick grumbled, more disappointed in himself. "I just... keep wanting to make more progress. I want to have at least a year or two in JVX before I try to move to the Senior Team. So that I know I'm ready."
"Just how fast do you expect to go?" Rahne shook her head. "If you've never driven before, probably it isn't best to start out trying to compete on the racetrack."
"I know. I've never... done anything like that. Like this. Ever. And if I slow down, if I let up for too long, I start... just thinking that I can't do it. That I won't ever amount to anything." Distraction after distraction after distraction. Video games, homework, working out, getting buzzed at Evolution... It wasn't healthy, and he knew it wasn't, but it felt better than facing things.
"Maybe you should get a coach," she said. Didn't people get coaches for this sort of thing?
"I... sort of have a few," Nick confessed. Did Toby count? Maybe Jean-Paul was more like a cheerleader. And of course his therapist was kind of like a coach...
"Perhaps you should have a meeting, then."
"I've been meeting with them," Nick said, evasively.
"Well, I find it hard to believe anyone with any authority condones this," she said.
"I just... kind of tried it," Nick said, lamely. "I figured I'd mess up a lot, so I didn't bother telling anyone, 'cause I didn't want to mess up in front of someone and get embarrassed." And yet it happened anyway.
"Hmm." She looked up for one last glimpse of blue sky before they made it indoors. "I guess I did, too."
"Well, seems to be working alright for you," Nick chuckled, reaching forward to get the door for her.
"I guess so," she said, as she slid by him.
"I'm... sorry if it isn't. H-hey, maybe we should be... uh... training buddies, you know? Try to help each other get ready for JVX and stuff."
"That sounds like a lovely idea," she said. She was clearly still strained just a bit from her run. "I'll make sure to get some more modest exercise clothing."
"I... okay," Nick said, just a bit puzzled by that. But whatever she wanted. He was wondering what she considered so immodest. "I mean, warmer might be better, too, what with winter coming." Not that he had to worry. Fur pretty much solved that problem. He had to admit, he was looking forward to winter.
"We'll work it out. Maybe get some advice from your coaches," she said, a smile in her voice.
Toby would probably approve. And maybe make some remark about the wolf girl being a good match for him. "That sounds good to me," Nick agreed, grinning just a bit.
