Tessa & Ellie; backdated to October 3rd
Oct. 3rd, 2013 07:56 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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om_mainThough she makes an attempt to hide from the inevitable, Ellie hears the news of Tessa's leaving.
Thoughts and dreams weren't so different and sometimes Ellie got the two mixed up. They could be hers or someone else's or shared, but it was the ones that repeated themselves that upset Ellie most. A specific event that reoccurred in her mind right down to the finest details. Those were the dreams, she decided. The ones that sometimes came true. They could be scary, sad, good, or funny. The scary ones could cripple her and the sad ones would send her into hiding for days.
She thought that maybe if she kept herself tucked away that it would make it not happen. If Tessa couldn't find her here in the music room closet then she could not tell her that she was leaving...right?
It was regrettable, but Ellie was no more difficult to find than usual, despite her efforts. Unusually, Tessa had deferred pursuing the matter as long as possible, but time was quickly slipping away. And she had no desire to leave the Institute without apprising the other telepath of the fact beforehand. Necessity forced her hand.
The cyberpath made her way to the music room, following the telltale void in her psychic awareness that usually indicated the presence of another trained psion. Of course, "trained", in Ellie's case, was a somewhat relative term; her thoughts were better concealed than they had been just a few months ago--certainly more so than the average--but anxiety flickered from the edges of her consciousness like sparks. Exhaling quietly, Tessa knocked on the closet door.
"Ellie," she said, "may I have a word?"
Oh no! Ohnoohnoohnoohno! Ellie tugged at her hair and shook her head, not really regarding the fact that the older girl could not see her doing so. "No thank you, I would not like to hear what you have to say today, friend!"
Perhaps Tessa would change her mind?
Tessa sighed again, just as silently as before, and opened the door to the closet a few scant inches. I would prefer the attending emotional responses were less unpleasant, as well, she admitted. But whether I say the words aloud or communicate it this way, the result is the same. You know why I am here, I take it? There was no surprise intertwined with the cyberpath's thoughts; Ellie's precognitive powers were rarely predictable, but they were increasing in strength even as her control improved. That she had anticipated--or foreseen--Tessa's plans well in advance had always been a possibility.
"I apologize for upsetting you. It is an outcome I would very much have wished to avoid, if I could conceive of any way to do so that would not damage our friendship." And perhaps that was somewhat selfish of her. But some scenarios had no ideal outcome.
Though Ellie had managed to cover her face with her hands, she did eventually force herself to answer. "Our friendship is not damaged, no, not broken...it's like a bruised peach maybe."
No, that wasn't quite right either. Ellie felt like maybe she was the bruised peach right now. "I wish the result was different."
Opening the door further, Tessa knelt inside the closet and placed her hands on Ellie's shoulders. Words were hopelessly inadequate, as they often were at such times, and so the cyberpath simply laid her mind open to the other psion. Regret was an indulgence and a fallacy--a failure of reason. It was a feeling she rarely experienced, and never welcomed. But there was a strong current of it underlying her thoughts now, and it seemed there was little she could do to exorcise it.
"I do, too," Tessa admitted. She was not given to wishing, either--not in this helpless, ineffectual way. Usually, when she wished for something, she did whatever was necessary to make it happen. That fact, however, was irreconcilable with what she still thought needed to be done. It was an unusual and uncomfortable position for the hyper-rational cyberpath.
Ellie did not pull her hands away. Already she could feel the wetness of tears on her palms, and she was embarrassed to show Tessa. Did the older girl truly understand just how important she was to Ellie? How fond Ellie was of her, how much she felt she relied on Tessa for her guidance and lessons? She was such a beautiful friend and though she was not going to be impossibly far away, Ellie felt she was still losing her.
Was that feeling normal? Was it bad? She did not know, but it hurt. "I do not want you to forget us..."
"Never," said Tessa firmly. Leaning forward suddenly, she wrapped her arms tightly around the other telepath and held her close. "I will never forget." It was no difficult thing, in that moment, to open her mind to Ellie even more completely than usual. Letting her see that nearly identical loneliness and fear echoed in the cyberpath's own early life, the way being at Xavier's had fulfilled her in ways she'd never imagined possible. To be of use to somebody--Ellie, the Professor, Felix, Pietro, Lorna, Jean-Paul and Jeanne-Marie, Philip, Scott, Lydia, Alice--to have been a productive influence, beneficial, welcome, wanted, had been like a beautiful dream come to life.
Tessa also allowed her friend a glimpse--fleeting and apologetic--of how deeply it pained her to leave, how bitterly she resented the necessity that forced her hand. Feelings she could share with no one else, because no one else required her to be so ... human.
"You will never lose me, Ellie," she promised. "Your thoughts will always find their way to me. And whenever you need me, whatever is required, I will be there."
With arms around her, Ellie scooched close to Tessa and hugged her back just as tightly. The physical contact was assurance, but it was the linking of their minds that had truly reached out to her. Other people's thoughts and feelings were such an intimate thing and, by extension, overwhelming. For as worried and scared as she was, Tessa felt just the same. Ellie wished so much that her friend did not have to feel that way.
Wished circumstances were just not what they were. Life wasn't fair. You...you will never lose me either, Tessa. I would like to help you if you need it, too...I know I am not the most helpful, but I would like to try for you, yes, you are so so so so so important and lovely.
Saying that felt heavy and it pained Ellie.
No lovelier, and certainly no more important, than anyone else, came the response from Tessa's mind, along with a wave of reassurance that swiftly bore away all signs of the fragility she had allowed herself, for a moment, to show. And you have always been a great help to me, Ellie. I have always been able to take care of myself. But now I realize there is more to life than mere survival. And until the world is ready to treat mutants like us--or Kevin, or Josh, or Felix--with the compassion and wonder that we deserve, then helping to keep us hidden and safe--even at the cost of personal pain--is the objective that lends greater purpose to my existence. What I do, I do for us all. Serving in the most effective way I am able.
Tessa returned the Genoshan girl's hug fiercely. For telepaths like us, emotion is a particularly tricky thing. But I trust you understand how important you and the others are to me. I will work as hard as I can to get back to you all soon. And, there was a slight pause, underscored by a quavering emotion Tessa could not readily identify, If I should need you, you will know. It is a pity more do not appreciate, as I do--as Kevin and so few others do--just how much you have to offer. I suppose it is a rare privilege.
Sometimes Ellie still had a very hard time just realising what it was she could offer people. However, Tessa had been the one to really emphasize to her just how much potential she had--as a mutant and as a person--more than anyone else she had ever met. Ellie didn't just appreciate the older girl for her ability to help train her but because she was such a magnificent friend in the most important of ways.
And we are privileged to have you, yes. Not many are willing to make such sacrifices for the larger group. You are brave...and responsible...I will stop crying, Ellie promised and lifted her chin from Tessa just enough to wipe at her face. I will...I will be brave, too. For you.
If I do my work well, then there will be no need for you to be brave, Tessa assured her, stroking the back of Ellie's head gently. Do not be ashamed of your tears; it touches me deeply to know my presence or absence is a matter of such consequence to you. But do not doubt I will still make time to see you, as I hope you will find time to see me. And someday, perhaps, I will be able to return."
I will find the time. All I have is time, Ellie reasoned, and softly bunched up a handful of fabric from Tessa's shirt to hold in her hand. To squeeze a little harder.
Tessa kissed Ellie's temple. I will look forward to it. But I am still here, now. Would you like to pay another visit to the cemetery?
And Ellie kissed Tessa right back for the suggestion, very faintly marking the older girl's cheek with black lipstick. Oops! Ellie nodded sheepishly. Yes please. My favourite girl in my favourite place.
Smiling, Tessa pulled just far enough away to return to her feet, catching Ellie's hands in her own to gently pull the other girl up with her. She was aware of the dark smudge that now discolored her cheek, but regarded the obvious sign of affection as something she preferred to leave where it was, for the present. Good. And I will find other interesting cemeteries in other interesting places for us to visit. Our collection of rubbings will grow exponentially. As would the pleasant memories they shared in common. Ellie certainly was entitled to as many of those as Tessa could possibly give her.
It was hard to express just how grateful that made her (yet again), so Ellie took advantage of their new position to wrap her arms around Tessa in one more tight hug. Just for good measure. She was sure that the older girl could pick up on the feelings, but Ellie still wanted to be sure.
Again, Tessa returned her friend's hug with equal intention. In her mind, she shared every possible reassurance and reaffirmation she could that yes, she could perceive Ellie's feelings, and yes, she reciprocated them. It would diminish her greatly to be physically parted from the reclusive Genoshan girl, yet it was encouraging to remember that, on the psychic plane, they would never be more than a thought apart. Comforting, even. Come. I will gather my charcoal and a few sheets of paper. There are a few more rubbings I would like to make, before such excursions become impractical.
Nodding, Ellie took Tessa's hand and gathered the courage to lead the way out of the closet and back into the land of the living. While it felt sad to acknowledge that their excursions would become impractical, it was better to have one last one than to not have one at all.
Thoughts and dreams weren't so different and sometimes Ellie got the two mixed up. They could be hers or someone else's or shared, but it was the ones that repeated themselves that upset Ellie most. A specific event that reoccurred in her mind right down to the finest details. Those were the dreams, she decided. The ones that sometimes came true. They could be scary, sad, good, or funny. The scary ones could cripple her and the sad ones would send her into hiding for days.
She thought that maybe if she kept herself tucked away that it would make it not happen. If Tessa couldn't find her here in the music room closet then she could not tell her that she was leaving...right?
It was regrettable, but Ellie was no more difficult to find than usual, despite her efforts. Unusually, Tessa had deferred pursuing the matter as long as possible, but time was quickly slipping away. And she had no desire to leave the Institute without apprising the other telepath of the fact beforehand. Necessity forced her hand.
The cyberpath made her way to the music room, following the telltale void in her psychic awareness that usually indicated the presence of another trained psion. Of course, "trained", in Ellie's case, was a somewhat relative term; her thoughts were better concealed than they had been just a few months ago--certainly more so than the average--but anxiety flickered from the edges of her consciousness like sparks. Exhaling quietly, Tessa knocked on the closet door.
"Ellie," she said, "may I have a word?"
Oh no! Ohnoohnoohnoohno! Ellie tugged at her hair and shook her head, not really regarding the fact that the older girl could not see her doing so. "No thank you, I would not like to hear what you have to say today, friend!"
Perhaps Tessa would change her mind?
Tessa sighed again, just as silently as before, and opened the door to the closet a few scant inches. I would prefer the attending emotional responses were less unpleasant, as well, she admitted. But whether I say the words aloud or communicate it this way, the result is the same. You know why I am here, I take it? There was no surprise intertwined with the cyberpath's thoughts; Ellie's precognitive powers were rarely predictable, but they were increasing in strength even as her control improved. That she had anticipated--or foreseen--Tessa's plans well in advance had always been a possibility.
"I apologize for upsetting you. It is an outcome I would very much have wished to avoid, if I could conceive of any way to do so that would not damage our friendship." And perhaps that was somewhat selfish of her. But some scenarios had no ideal outcome.
Though Ellie had managed to cover her face with her hands, she did eventually force herself to answer. "Our friendship is not damaged, no, not broken...it's like a bruised peach maybe."
No, that wasn't quite right either. Ellie felt like maybe she was the bruised peach right now. "I wish the result was different."
Opening the door further, Tessa knelt inside the closet and placed her hands on Ellie's shoulders. Words were hopelessly inadequate, as they often were at such times, and so the cyberpath simply laid her mind open to the other psion. Regret was an indulgence and a fallacy--a failure of reason. It was a feeling she rarely experienced, and never welcomed. But there was a strong current of it underlying her thoughts now, and it seemed there was little she could do to exorcise it.
"I do, too," Tessa admitted. She was not given to wishing, either--not in this helpless, ineffectual way. Usually, when she wished for something, she did whatever was necessary to make it happen. That fact, however, was irreconcilable with what she still thought needed to be done. It was an unusual and uncomfortable position for the hyper-rational cyberpath.
Ellie did not pull her hands away. Already she could feel the wetness of tears on her palms, and she was embarrassed to show Tessa. Did the older girl truly understand just how important she was to Ellie? How fond Ellie was of her, how much she felt she relied on Tessa for her guidance and lessons? She was such a beautiful friend and though she was not going to be impossibly far away, Ellie felt she was still losing her.
Was that feeling normal? Was it bad? She did not know, but it hurt. "I do not want you to forget us..."
"Never," said Tessa firmly. Leaning forward suddenly, she wrapped her arms tightly around the other telepath and held her close. "I will never forget." It was no difficult thing, in that moment, to open her mind to Ellie even more completely than usual. Letting her see that nearly identical loneliness and fear echoed in the cyberpath's own early life, the way being at Xavier's had fulfilled her in ways she'd never imagined possible. To be of use to somebody--Ellie, the Professor, Felix, Pietro, Lorna, Jean-Paul and Jeanne-Marie, Philip, Scott, Lydia, Alice--to have been a productive influence, beneficial, welcome, wanted, had been like a beautiful dream come to life.
Tessa also allowed her friend a glimpse--fleeting and apologetic--of how deeply it pained her to leave, how bitterly she resented the necessity that forced her hand. Feelings she could share with no one else, because no one else required her to be so ... human.
"You will never lose me, Ellie," she promised. "Your thoughts will always find their way to me. And whenever you need me, whatever is required, I will be there."
With arms around her, Ellie scooched close to Tessa and hugged her back just as tightly. The physical contact was assurance, but it was the linking of their minds that had truly reached out to her. Other people's thoughts and feelings were such an intimate thing and, by extension, overwhelming. For as worried and scared as she was, Tessa felt just the same. Ellie wished so much that her friend did not have to feel that way.
Wished circumstances were just not what they were. Life wasn't fair. You...you will never lose me either, Tessa. I would like to help you if you need it, too...I know I am not the most helpful, but I would like to try for you, yes, you are so so so so so important and lovely.
Saying that felt heavy and it pained Ellie.
No lovelier, and certainly no more important, than anyone else, came the response from Tessa's mind, along with a wave of reassurance that swiftly bore away all signs of the fragility she had allowed herself, for a moment, to show. And you have always been a great help to me, Ellie. I have always been able to take care of myself. But now I realize there is more to life than mere survival. And until the world is ready to treat mutants like us--or Kevin, or Josh, or Felix--with the compassion and wonder that we deserve, then helping to keep us hidden and safe--even at the cost of personal pain--is the objective that lends greater purpose to my existence. What I do, I do for us all. Serving in the most effective way I am able.
Tessa returned the Genoshan girl's hug fiercely. For telepaths like us, emotion is a particularly tricky thing. But I trust you understand how important you and the others are to me. I will work as hard as I can to get back to you all soon. And, there was a slight pause, underscored by a quavering emotion Tessa could not readily identify, If I should need you, you will know. It is a pity more do not appreciate, as I do--as Kevin and so few others do--just how much you have to offer. I suppose it is a rare privilege.
Sometimes Ellie still had a very hard time just realising what it was she could offer people. However, Tessa had been the one to really emphasize to her just how much potential she had--as a mutant and as a person--more than anyone else she had ever met. Ellie didn't just appreciate the older girl for her ability to help train her but because she was such a magnificent friend in the most important of ways.
And we are privileged to have you, yes. Not many are willing to make such sacrifices for the larger group. You are brave...and responsible...I will stop crying, Ellie promised and lifted her chin from Tessa just enough to wipe at her face. I will...I will be brave, too. For you.
If I do my work well, then there will be no need for you to be brave, Tessa assured her, stroking the back of Ellie's head gently. Do not be ashamed of your tears; it touches me deeply to know my presence or absence is a matter of such consequence to you. But do not doubt I will still make time to see you, as I hope you will find time to see me. And someday, perhaps, I will be able to return."
I will find the time. All I have is time, Ellie reasoned, and softly bunched up a handful of fabric from Tessa's shirt to hold in her hand. To squeeze a little harder.
Tessa kissed Ellie's temple. I will look forward to it. But I am still here, now. Would you like to pay another visit to the cemetery?
And Ellie kissed Tessa right back for the suggestion, very faintly marking the older girl's cheek with black lipstick. Oops! Ellie nodded sheepishly. Yes please. My favourite girl in my favourite place.
Smiling, Tessa pulled just far enough away to return to her feet, catching Ellie's hands in her own to gently pull the other girl up with her. She was aware of the dark smudge that now discolored her cheek, but regarded the obvious sign of affection as something she preferred to leave where it was, for the present. Good. And I will find other interesting cemeteries in other interesting places for us to visit. Our collection of rubbings will grow exponentially. As would the pleasant memories they shared in common. Ellie certainly was entitled to as many of those as Tessa could possibly give her.
It was hard to express just how grateful that made her (yet again), so Ellie took advantage of their new position to wrap her arms around Tessa in one more tight hug. Just for good measure. She was sure that the older girl could pick up on the feelings, but Ellie still wanted to be sure.
Again, Tessa returned her friend's hug with equal intention. In her mind, she shared every possible reassurance and reaffirmation she could that yes, she could perceive Ellie's feelings, and yes, she reciprocated them. It would diminish her greatly to be physically parted from the reclusive Genoshan girl, yet it was encouraging to remember that, on the psychic plane, they would never be more than a thought apart. Comforting, even. Come. I will gather my charcoal and a few sheets of paper. There are a few more rubbings I would like to make, before such excursions become impractical.
Nodding, Ellie took Tessa's hand and gathered the courage to lead the way out of the closet and back into the land of the living. While it felt sad to acknowledge that their excursions would become impractical, it was better to have one last one than to not have one at all.
