Remus & Felix (backdated June 23)
Jun. 23rd, 2013 09:30 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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om_mainFelix checks on Remus after the full moon, and they learn they have even more in common than they realized.
Once he'd heard that Laura and River had been rescued -- by a team of students from their own school, no less -- Felix didn't really want to be in his room. Philip was preoccupied with the news in a way he didn't understand, and didn't want to understand, so instead, Felix got dressed in his most over-sized clothes and crept out of the room into the eerily quiet hall.
Even beyond the girls' return and the school's sudden metamorphosis into the kind of place that housed a rescue strike team, Felix remembered something unsettling from the night before: a full moon had risen in the sky, and he thought he'd heard something horrible howling in the late hours, down beneath his feet. He really hoped those two things didn't go together, but just in case they did, Felix made his way down to Remus and Eames' room.
Very lightly, he tapped on the door, and leaned in close enough to touch his forehead to the wood, whispering, "Remus? It's Felix."
It had been a hard night for Remus. Not that he knew this until he woke in that room, hurting all over, covered in new scratches and bruises, and there was he could swear a dent in one of the walls. And when he'd stumbled out it was clear that there were much more important things going on than dealing with him, and so he'd skipped the infirmary and just come back to his room for now, stopping only to take a shower since there was a little bit of blood and he didn't want to mess up his sheets.
Now, he was curled up in a fetal position on his bed though somehow not able to sleep. He thought he heard the voice, and offered a really tentative, "You can come in..." He was only wearing undershorts so he pulled the sheets up around him and tried to look better than he felt.
The door handle turned and Felix slipped in, closing the door again as quietly as he could behind himself. It felt disturbingly familiar to him, like he would do a long time ago, sneaking into another bedroom in a too-crowded, too-fearful house half a lifetime away.
Remus looked like he belonged in a hospital bed, pale and exhausted and barely dressed. Felix felt quite awkward in his too-large sweatshirt and too-long jeans in the middle of the summer. He turned large, worrying eyes on his friend, and twisted his hands together without getting too close. "Oh. It was bad, wasn't it?"
"Worse than usual," Remus admitted quietly. "But I'll... be okay. Here, you can sit if you want." He scooted over to make some room on the bed. It wasn't like he took up much space.
Felix hesitated, but he didn't expect Remus to wonder why. Clearly, his friend was too exhausted to make sitting on his bed dangerous at all. Besides, Felix wanted the companionship, and Remus might, too. So he climbed up at the foot of Remus' bed, near his feet, and looked solemn. "I heard you," he said, sounding apologetic. "I didn't want to think that it was, but, I think it must have been."
He looked down at his own toes. "It sounded sad."
"There was something special about the moon last night," said Remus, still soft-spoken. "Closer to the earth, or brighter, or something. I think that made it worse somehow." He shook his head. "I never remember any of it. All I know is how I felt when I woke up."
"It's good. That you don't remember. You only have to feel bad for a little while." It was worse when you had to remember, Felix knew, though he wished Remus didn't have to feel bad at all. "Do you want anything? Something to eat or something?"
"I'll be okay," Remus said, managing a little smile. "Just more bruises and scars, nothing I'm not used to. Back to myself in a couple of days. Did you just come to check on me? That's really nice of you."
Felix didn't deny it, but he gave a tiny shrug. He wouldn't want Remus to start thinking he was nice. Look at how far that had gotten Victor. "I'm hiding out here," he offered. "You might not have heard... River and Laura are back. I guess some of the kids got pulled out of bed to go rescue them last night. Philip's being weird about it. "
Remus looked surprised. "Oh. Wow. That explains why things seemed a little crazy this morning when I left from downstairs. Everyone down there just seemed kind of... frazzled. Are they okay? River and Laura?"
"D'know," Felix admitted, falling back into his old mumbling habits. "Headmaster Lensherr sent around a computer message, I guess. Philip didn't really say much about what it said. But I don't really figure anybody who's gone that long comes back okay." Felix hadn't.
Remus nodded solemnly. The sheet slipped a little and he pulled at it. "I'm sorry I'm a little... not decent. Sometimes I get really hot, after. Before, too, come to think of it..."
"It's okay," Felix assured him rather quickly, though he averted his eyes toward Eames' side of the room so Remus wouldn't think he was looking. The other boy was so sweet that Felix almost felt comfortable with him in this kind of situation. "Whatever you need... um... but. I guess I feel like I should tell you, I'm... queer, but I won't, you know... it's okay."
Remus opened his mouth, then closed it again. Then finally said, "It's okay... I am, too. At least, I think I am." After all, he'd never done anything at all, despite being sixteen.
He offered a wavering little smile, still clutching at the sheet. "I've never told anyone that before. Though, I mean, I haven't really had anyone to tell." He suspected that Eames just knew, however.
Felix pulled his knees up to his chest, and only then felt confident and safe enough to look back at Remus, tentative and blinking. It wasn't the sort of thing he thought about other people, and so many of the other male students his age were nervous and unsure about their own sexuality. The few who were truly confident in themselves, like Jean-Paul and Blaine, were exceptions -- and exceptional.
He nearly smiled back, just because Remus seemed so quavery. "I feel kind of honored," Felix said quietly, like it was a secret.
"Oh, um, likewise then," Remus said, and pushed his hair back a little with his fingers. It felt like things were really heavy all of a sudden, and so he tried to make a joke: "I wasn't completely sure until Eames turned into a girl and made me lace up a corset."
Felix hid a breathless little giggle against his knees, and his eyes brightened. If Remus didn't think it was a big deal, then he wouldn't, either. This was something Felix had known about himself for his entire life; for him, it wasn't an issue at all. "That sure seems like it should be pretty exciting," he muffled.
"Right," said Remus sheepishly. "For someone who is interested in girls."
That time, Felix smiled for real, though he still kept it partly hidden, and his arms draped loosely around his folded-up legs. "You all right with that? Kind of a lot to take in. Being a mutant and being not-straight at the same time."
"Maybe that's why," Remus said after a moment. "Whatever else I am... it's much worse than being gay."
"You can't help either one of them," Felix noted.
"No... no, I know. But it's still how I feel." Remus looked down at his hands. "Being gay doesn't hurt anyone."
"You wouldn't hurt anybody if you could help it." Felix was absolutely certain about that. "If you could control it." Or if someone else could control Remus. He swallowed back on that thought.
"I know. But it hardly matters, does it?" But then Remus shook his head. "But it's okay, for now, I mean - it's a good thing that I'm here. I feel safe. I mean, I feel like the rest of you are safe from me. And maybe Professor Xavier and the others can come up with some way to help me."
Felix nibbled on his bottom lip for a moment before answering, "You feeling safe matters, too. A lot of us are dangerous. A lot of us... are dangerous all the time. I don't think it's right that you have to get locked up and pretty much hung over every month. You should get to feel safe just like everybody else."
"It's not anyone's fault though," Remus pointed out, and brought his knees up to his chest, wrapping his arms around them and the blanket. "And I shouldn't really be complaining, it's so much better here than it was at home. Everything is better."
That, Felix agreed with completely, even though Remus didn't look or sound very happy at the moment. "Are you okay?" Felix asked, uncertainly, unfolding his own self to lean forward with uncharacteristic concern.
"I'm never at my best right after the full moon," Remus said. "But I'll be fine in a couple of days." He paused. "Of course, I'm not really at my best right before the full moon, either. I tend to get..." He hesitated. "Weird." He might have been purposefully avoiding Felix during that time.
"Weird like how?" Felix asked with a small frown. He didn't like making Remus talk about something that was so awful for him, but he seemed to want to tell someone. Why Felix felt like he could be the one to listen -- when he certainly didn't invite anyone else to confide in him -- he wasn't sure. Maybe Remus was someone who seemed to understand isolation and pain the same way he did, the way most of the others their age couldn't.
"Oh..." Remus' hands twitched awkwardly. "Lose my temper easier, crave red meat, other sorts of... hormonal things."
That made Felix go quiet for a bit. Oh. As much as he liked Remus, and as much as he could almost see himself liking Remus in a more-than-friends manner, the idea of a more wolfish version of his friend was a little upsetting. He tangled his fingers together, a stalling tactic he often used to keep his outward appearance calm. "I know you don't mean to," Felix finally said. "If it's anything like some of my powers, it just happens whether you like it or not."
"I try to suppress it as much as I can," Remus said, almost apologetically. He almost confessed to Felix what had happened with Pietro that one time, but then, Felix seemed uneasy and he didn't want to make it worse. He quirked a little smile instead. "Eames says he keeps a rolled up newspaper around, just in case."
"He wouldn't," Felix was quick to assure him, though he knew Remus was making light. "He likes you too much to thwap you."
Once he'd heard that Laura and River had been rescued -- by a team of students from their own school, no less -- Felix didn't really want to be in his room. Philip was preoccupied with the news in a way he didn't understand, and didn't want to understand, so instead, Felix got dressed in his most over-sized clothes and crept out of the room into the eerily quiet hall.
Even beyond the girls' return and the school's sudden metamorphosis into the kind of place that housed a rescue strike team, Felix remembered something unsettling from the night before: a full moon had risen in the sky, and he thought he'd heard something horrible howling in the late hours, down beneath his feet. He really hoped those two things didn't go together, but just in case they did, Felix made his way down to Remus and Eames' room.
Very lightly, he tapped on the door, and leaned in close enough to touch his forehead to the wood, whispering, "Remus? It's Felix."
It had been a hard night for Remus. Not that he knew this until he woke in that room, hurting all over, covered in new scratches and bruises, and there was he could swear a dent in one of the walls. And when he'd stumbled out it was clear that there were much more important things going on than dealing with him, and so he'd skipped the infirmary and just come back to his room for now, stopping only to take a shower since there was a little bit of blood and he didn't want to mess up his sheets.
Now, he was curled up in a fetal position on his bed though somehow not able to sleep. He thought he heard the voice, and offered a really tentative, "You can come in..." He was only wearing undershorts so he pulled the sheets up around him and tried to look better than he felt.
The door handle turned and Felix slipped in, closing the door again as quietly as he could behind himself. It felt disturbingly familiar to him, like he would do a long time ago, sneaking into another bedroom in a too-crowded, too-fearful house half a lifetime away.
Remus looked like he belonged in a hospital bed, pale and exhausted and barely dressed. Felix felt quite awkward in his too-large sweatshirt and too-long jeans in the middle of the summer. He turned large, worrying eyes on his friend, and twisted his hands together without getting too close. "Oh. It was bad, wasn't it?"
"Worse than usual," Remus admitted quietly. "But I'll... be okay. Here, you can sit if you want." He scooted over to make some room on the bed. It wasn't like he took up much space.
Felix hesitated, but he didn't expect Remus to wonder why. Clearly, his friend was too exhausted to make sitting on his bed dangerous at all. Besides, Felix wanted the companionship, and Remus might, too. So he climbed up at the foot of Remus' bed, near his feet, and looked solemn. "I heard you," he said, sounding apologetic. "I didn't want to think that it was, but, I think it must have been."
He looked down at his own toes. "It sounded sad."
"There was something special about the moon last night," said Remus, still soft-spoken. "Closer to the earth, or brighter, or something. I think that made it worse somehow." He shook his head. "I never remember any of it. All I know is how I felt when I woke up."
"It's good. That you don't remember. You only have to feel bad for a little while." It was worse when you had to remember, Felix knew, though he wished Remus didn't have to feel bad at all. "Do you want anything? Something to eat or something?"
"I'll be okay," Remus said, managing a little smile. "Just more bruises and scars, nothing I'm not used to. Back to myself in a couple of days. Did you just come to check on me? That's really nice of you."
Felix didn't deny it, but he gave a tiny shrug. He wouldn't want Remus to start thinking he was nice. Look at how far that had gotten Victor. "I'm hiding out here," he offered. "You might not have heard... River and Laura are back. I guess some of the kids got pulled out of bed to go rescue them last night. Philip's being weird about it. "
Remus looked surprised. "Oh. Wow. That explains why things seemed a little crazy this morning when I left from downstairs. Everyone down there just seemed kind of... frazzled. Are they okay? River and Laura?"
"D'know," Felix admitted, falling back into his old mumbling habits. "Headmaster Lensherr sent around a computer message, I guess. Philip didn't really say much about what it said. But I don't really figure anybody who's gone that long comes back okay." Felix hadn't.
Remus nodded solemnly. The sheet slipped a little and he pulled at it. "I'm sorry I'm a little... not decent. Sometimes I get really hot, after. Before, too, come to think of it..."
"It's okay," Felix assured him rather quickly, though he averted his eyes toward Eames' side of the room so Remus wouldn't think he was looking. The other boy was so sweet that Felix almost felt comfortable with him in this kind of situation. "Whatever you need... um... but. I guess I feel like I should tell you, I'm... queer, but I won't, you know... it's okay."
Remus opened his mouth, then closed it again. Then finally said, "It's okay... I am, too. At least, I think I am." After all, he'd never done anything at all, despite being sixteen.
He offered a wavering little smile, still clutching at the sheet. "I've never told anyone that before. Though, I mean, I haven't really had anyone to tell." He suspected that Eames just knew, however.
Felix pulled his knees up to his chest, and only then felt confident and safe enough to look back at Remus, tentative and blinking. It wasn't the sort of thing he thought about other people, and so many of the other male students his age were nervous and unsure about their own sexuality. The few who were truly confident in themselves, like Jean-Paul and Blaine, were exceptions -- and exceptional.
He nearly smiled back, just because Remus seemed so quavery. "I feel kind of honored," Felix said quietly, like it was a secret.
"Oh, um, likewise then," Remus said, and pushed his hair back a little with his fingers. It felt like things were really heavy all of a sudden, and so he tried to make a joke: "I wasn't completely sure until Eames turned into a girl and made me lace up a corset."
Felix hid a breathless little giggle against his knees, and his eyes brightened. If Remus didn't think it was a big deal, then he wouldn't, either. This was something Felix had known about himself for his entire life; for him, it wasn't an issue at all. "That sure seems like it should be pretty exciting," he muffled.
"Right," said Remus sheepishly. "For someone who is interested in girls."
That time, Felix smiled for real, though he still kept it partly hidden, and his arms draped loosely around his folded-up legs. "You all right with that? Kind of a lot to take in. Being a mutant and being not-straight at the same time."
"Maybe that's why," Remus said after a moment. "Whatever else I am... it's much worse than being gay."
"You can't help either one of them," Felix noted.
"No... no, I know. But it's still how I feel." Remus looked down at his hands. "Being gay doesn't hurt anyone."
"You wouldn't hurt anybody if you could help it." Felix was absolutely certain about that. "If you could control it." Or if someone else could control Remus. He swallowed back on that thought.
"I know. But it hardly matters, does it?" But then Remus shook his head. "But it's okay, for now, I mean - it's a good thing that I'm here. I feel safe. I mean, I feel like the rest of you are safe from me. And maybe Professor Xavier and the others can come up with some way to help me."
Felix nibbled on his bottom lip for a moment before answering, "You feeling safe matters, too. A lot of us are dangerous. A lot of us... are dangerous all the time. I don't think it's right that you have to get locked up and pretty much hung over every month. You should get to feel safe just like everybody else."
"It's not anyone's fault though," Remus pointed out, and brought his knees up to his chest, wrapping his arms around them and the blanket. "And I shouldn't really be complaining, it's so much better here than it was at home. Everything is better."
That, Felix agreed with completely, even though Remus didn't look or sound very happy at the moment. "Are you okay?" Felix asked, uncertainly, unfolding his own self to lean forward with uncharacteristic concern.
"I'm never at my best right after the full moon," Remus said. "But I'll be fine in a couple of days." He paused. "Of course, I'm not really at my best right before the full moon, either. I tend to get..." He hesitated. "Weird." He might have been purposefully avoiding Felix during that time.
"Weird like how?" Felix asked with a small frown. He didn't like making Remus talk about something that was so awful for him, but he seemed to want to tell someone. Why Felix felt like he could be the one to listen -- when he certainly didn't invite anyone else to confide in him -- he wasn't sure. Maybe Remus was someone who seemed to understand isolation and pain the same way he did, the way most of the others their age couldn't.
"Oh..." Remus' hands twitched awkwardly. "Lose my temper easier, crave red meat, other sorts of... hormonal things."
That made Felix go quiet for a bit. Oh. As much as he liked Remus, and as much as he could almost see himself liking Remus in a more-than-friends manner, the idea of a more wolfish version of his friend was a little upsetting. He tangled his fingers together, a stalling tactic he often used to keep his outward appearance calm. "I know you don't mean to," Felix finally said. "If it's anything like some of my powers, it just happens whether you like it or not."
"I try to suppress it as much as I can," Remus said, almost apologetically. He almost confessed to Felix what had happened with Pietro that one time, but then, Felix seemed uneasy and he didn't want to make it worse. He quirked a little smile instead. "Eames says he keeps a rolled up newspaper around, just in case."
"He wouldn't," Felix was quick to assure him, though he knew Remus was making light. "He likes you too much to thwap you."
