Kevin and Paige, Backdated to the 19th
Jun. 19th, 2013 05:06 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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om_mainKevin and Paige have an insanely depressing conversation.
Kevin had been in a bit of a slump lately. He was still worried about Laura, and his pessimism for how that whole situation would turn out was growing by the day. Ever since that conversation with Josh, he'd been trying his best to have hope, but it was really hard! Sometimes he could hold onto that hopeful feeling, but other times he thought that having hope wasn't realistic. It was horrible world out there, and the place Laura came from was even worse. However, he also knew Laura was one of the toughest people he'd ever known, so maybe she could get herself and River out of whatever situation they had fallen into. Maybe that would win out in the end, and they'd both be back at the school in no time.
Ugh. Even when he tried to hope, he still felt shitty. It sounded so stupid in his head.
Since he was in another one of his sulky moods today, so he decided to go look for one of his few friends. He hadn't seen Paige around much lately, and he wasn't sure if she was friends with the two girls. Either way. he decided he needed to check on her to make sure that she was okay (a lot of people weren't right now, it seemed). After a bit of searching, he managed to spot her at one of the tables in the library, so he walked up to approach her, sitting down in the chair next to hers.
"Are you hiding in here?" he greeted lowly. He only asked because he often hid in the art room when things felt shitty, so maybe other people had the same kind of coping mechanisms.
Paige was, as a matter of fact, hiding. Albeit more from her feelings than from her fellow students. When the world seemed as terrible and as complicated as it had lately, the mind-numbing pressure that came with prolonged study sessions and intense focus wasn't unwelcome at all. It helped her to cope. Still, when Kevin approached her from behind and broke the silence with the sound of a chair being drawn across the tile floor, the blonde jumped a little and jerked to look up at him, blinking slowly as her too-large glasses slid to the tip of her nose. A headache she hadn't realized she'd had surfaced as her concentration shifted and she slowly raised her hand to pluck the spectacles off of her face. While she was still as put together as she always was, her eyes made her look tired.
"Hidin'? I'm just...studyin'," she provided meekly, holding up the cover of the physics textbook that took up the table in front of her and putting it down again, "That's all. Have you been lookin' for me?"
"Yeah. Haven't seen you around much lately," Kevin replied coolly, trying to shrug off his concern. For as much as he was a jerk, Kevin did actually care a lot about the people he chose to get close with, and he didn't like any of them being upset. He did try to hide that aspect of himself most of the time, but it could be revealed in different circumstances. Sooner or later, people found out that he cared. "You look tired."
Regardless of Kevin's dismissive tone, his words and his actions spoke for themselves and Paige managed a small smile for her concerned friend. It actually made her want to smile and that wasn't a feeling she'd had very often throughout the last month. "I am," she admitted quietly, then she closed the textbook and set her glasses down on the cover, "Maybe I've been at it too long." She knew that wasn't what he meant, but she didn't know how to tell him about everything that kept her up at night or even if she should.
Instead, she turned to face him in her chair, her jean-clad knees touching his, and added, "I haven't seen much of you either. Are you...how've you been, Kevin?"
"I'm fine. Just been doing a lot of my art lately, and hanging out in my room," he informed her. It was half because he liked to do that, half because he was bummed and wanted to sulk. He wanted to keep busy so his depression didn't eat at him on top of everything else, but it was hard. Sometimes he just wanted to sleep all day so these bad feelings could stop eating at him. "Have you been doing a lot of reading and studying?"
"More than usual?" Paige asked, the self-deprecating attempt at humor falling flat, and then she pressed her hands down against her knees. "Yeah. I guess I have." Her light eyes looked directly into Kevin's for a moment and then she lowered her gaze. She wondered if he really was 'fine'. She didn't feel 'fine' at all and she didn't think that he did either.
Kevin wasn't fine at all, no. In fact, his version of fine was pretty skewed on a normal day, so this was something else. "Were you...um...friends with Laura?" he asked. Considering it was the hot button issue of the school right now, that could explain Paige's behaviour. That River kid was a lot younger, though, so he was unsure if Paige had even talked to her before.
Paige shook her head. She hadn't been friends with either of the girls but the thought that she'd never even get the chance to try made her feel a little sick. "No. I don't really know either one of them," she said softly, then slowly forced her eyes up again, "You're...friends with Laura. Aren't you?"
"Somewhat, yeah. I liked talking to her," Kevin spoke, and frowned as all those hopeless and pessimistic feelings came rushing back at him. "She even let me draw her picture once."
"Kevin..." Paige searched for something, anything, even remotely reassuring to say but came up with nothing. Instead, she touched his knees carefully with both hands and watched him with concern softening her face.
"Yeah?" he asked, and let his eyes fall down on her hands, just out of habit. If Josh wasn't the one touching him, Kevin felt like he had to be really cautious and aware.
Paige was still at a loss, trying to so hard to find something to say that she didn't even register the boy's discomfort. She knew he couldn't hurt her because her instincts would lead her to husk into something non-organic almost immediately and she knew he wouldn't hurt her because he was careful. And because he didn't want to hurt her. She rarely thought about the risk anymore. Instead, she pulled in a breath and shook her head. "Don't...talk about her in the past tense, okay?" she said gently, "Don't think of her in the past tense. We need to believe in the Professor and Mr. Lensherr. And Laura."
Kevin frowned. He hadn't realised it, but he did that a lot. His mind was such a pessimistic place that even if he tried to be hopeful or think better, he still ended up wording things in his usual way. It wasn't this overly offensive thing, or anything, but it proved to him just how down on himself he was usually.
"Sorry," he murmured. "I'm trying...I didn't even realise I was doing that. I didn't mean to."
"You don't need to say 'sorry'," Paige answered quietly, "I just...don't want you makin' this harder on yourself than it has to be." Which, knowing Kevin, he was.
"This whole thing is just fucked," Kevin pointed out, knowing Paige was very right about her assumption. Kevin always made everything as hard as he possibly could for himself, no matter what it was. "I keep thinking that they're gone forever, and that's really fucking bad of me, but I can't stop it. I'm trying, but I can't."
Paige shook her head and mechanically (and unnecessarily) tucked her long hair behind her ears. "It's not just you. It's hard not to think the worst and not to let your mind wander into all of those dark places it shouldn't be in." She'd done her fair share of it too. Worrying about Laura and River and if they'd ever come back. Worrying about Simon. Worrying about her own siblings who had the same potential to end up here that River had and to be in the same danger. All of it had been twisting her into knots. "I wish I could say there's more to do than just tryin'. But I don't know if there is."
"I think it's just going to get worse," Kevin admitted, and glanced over at Paige. "Even if they do find those two, what the hell condition are they going to be when they get back? If they've been gone this long. I dunno. I know people think I'm dramatic sometimes, but I think that's realistic. If the headmasters find them, they're probably gonna be fucked right up. People who get kidnapped usually are no matter who takes them."
He sighed. "I know that's bad of me, but it's true. They won't be the same. When bad things happen to you, you're never the same ever again. Ever."
Listening to Kevin (and knowing that he was right) made Paige's heart wrench and she was silent for several long seconds. "No," she agreed finally, "They won't be entirely the same. But River will still be River. And Laura will still be Laura. Everything she is and everything you have with her doesn't just disappear because she's gone through something terrible."
"Paige," Kevin began, and didn't take his eyes off her. "Have you ever had something really bad happen to you? Like really bad to the point that it's all you can think of and all you can dream of? That it takes over you completely?"
Paige was quiet. Something about the way Kevin was looking at her made it seem vitally important not to look away and so, even when she wanted to lower eyes, she kept looking back at him. "When my dad died...yeah. For a while, it felt like that." She'd thought about him all the time back then, especially when it was dark like it had been for him down in the mines where he'd died. She paused because, even now, remembering that time was hard. But it wouldn't do any good to let all that pull her down now. "But it wasn't like this. I know that."
"When bad things happen to you, it changes you forever. Little pieces of who you were are still there, but it's different, and it stays that way for a long time," Kevin told her. "Maybe they'll be okay at some point, but it won't be for a long time."
"I'm not sayin' it'll all be better once they're home," Paige said, her brows knitting as she frowned and finally shook her head, "But after goin' through what they're goin' through, even if it changes them, doesn't that just make it more important for them to be here? With people that care about them? With people that...know those pieces that are left? You're actin' like..." She stopped herself and closed her lips, trailing off.
"You can have all the people in the world trying to help you, and it still won't make you feel better," he spoke softly. "Trust me on that, Paige."
"But you'll try," Paige asked, her own voice just as quiet, "Won't you?"
"Yes," he assured her quite firmly. "Even if nothing works, you still keep trying. You shouldn't give up on people."
A very small, very brief smile touched the edges of Paige's lips and she nodded, grateful to hear that from him.
Hesitant, Kevin leaned over, and placed his hand on her shoulder. It wasn't much, but it was a comforting gesture none the less.
Paige was even more grateful for that and, after a moment of hesitation, placed her hand over Kevin's and gave it a cautious squeeze before drawing back. "I think...the company might do both of us some good," she said finally, "If you want to stay for a while?"
Kevin found himself nodding. "Yeah, okay."
That didn't sound like a bad idea at all.
Kevin had been in a bit of a slump lately. He was still worried about Laura, and his pessimism for how that whole situation would turn out was growing by the day. Ever since that conversation with Josh, he'd been trying his best to have hope, but it was really hard! Sometimes he could hold onto that hopeful feeling, but other times he thought that having hope wasn't realistic. It was horrible world out there, and the place Laura came from was even worse. However, he also knew Laura was one of the toughest people he'd ever known, so maybe she could get herself and River out of whatever situation they had fallen into. Maybe that would win out in the end, and they'd both be back at the school in no time.
Ugh. Even when he tried to hope, he still felt shitty. It sounded so stupid in his head.
Since he was in another one of his sulky moods today, so he decided to go look for one of his few friends. He hadn't seen Paige around much lately, and he wasn't sure if she was friends with the two girls. Either way. he decided he needed to check on her to make sure that she was okay (a lot of people weren't right now, it seemed). After a bit of searching, he managed to spot her at one of the tables in the library, so he walked up to approach her, sitting down in the chair next to hers.
"Are you hiding in here?" he greeted lowly. He only asked because he often hid in the art room when things felt shitty, so maybe other people had the same kind of coping mechanisms.
Paige was, as a matter of fact, hiding. Albeit more from her feelings than from her fellow students. When the world seemed as terrible and as complicated as it had lately, the mind-numbing pressure that came with prolonged study sessions and intense focus wasn't unwelcome at all. It helped her to cope. Still, when Kevin approached her from behind and broke the silence with the sound of a chair being drawn across the tile floor, the blonde jumped a little and jerked to look up at him, blinking slowly as her too-large glasses slid to the tip of her nose. A headache she hadn't realized she'd had surfaced as her concentration shifted and she slowly raised her hand to pluck the spectacles off of her face. While she was still as put together as she always was, her eyes made her look tired.
"Hidin'? I'm just...studyin'," she provided meekly, holding up the cover of the physics textbook that took up the table in front of her and putting it down again, "That's all. Have you been lookin' for me?"
"Yeah. Haven't seen you around much lately," Kevin replied coolly, trying to shrug off his concern. For as much as he was a jerk, Kevin did actually care a lot about the people he chose to get close with, and he didn't like any of them being upset. He did try to hide that aspect of himself most of the time, but it could be revealed in different circumstances. Sooner or later, people found out that he cared. "You look tired."
Regardless of Kevin's dismissive tone, his words and his actions spoke for themselves and Paige managed a small smile for her concerned friend. It actually made her want to smile and that wasn't a feeling she'd had very often throughout the last month. "I am," she admitted quietly, then she closed the textbook and set her glasses down on the cover, "Maybe I've been at it too long." She knew that wasn't what he meant, but she didn't know how to tell him about everything that kept her up at night or even if she should.
Instead, she turned to face him in her chair, her jean-clad knees touching his, and added, "I haven't seen much of you either. Are you...how've you been, Kevin?"
"I'm fine. Just been doing a lot of my art lately, and hanging out in my room," he informed her. It was half because he liked to do that, half because he was bummed and wanted to sulk. He wanted to keep busy so his depression didn't eat at him on top of everything else, but it was hard. Sometimes he just wanted to sleep all day so these bad feelings could stop eating at him. "Have you been doing a lot of reading and studying?"
"More than usual?" Paige asked, the self-deprecating attempt at humor falling flat, and then she pressed her hands down against her knees. "Yeah. I guess I have." Her light eyes looked directly into Kevin's for a moment and then she lowered her gaze. She wondered if he really was 'fine'. She didn't feel 'fine' at all and she didn't think that he did either.
Kevin wasn't fine at all, no. In fact, his version of fine was pretty skewed on a normal day, so this was something else. "Were you...um...friends with Laura?" he asked. Considering it was the hot button issue of the school right now, that could explain Paige's behaviour. That River kid was a lot younger, though, so he was unsure if Paige had even talked to her before.
Paige shook her head. She hadn't been friends with either of the girls but the thought that she'd never even get the chance to try made her feel a little sick. "No. I don't really know either one of them," she said softly, then slowly forced her eyes up again, "You're...friends with Laura. Aren't you?"
"Somewhat, yeah. I liked talking to her," Kevin spoke, and frowned as all those hopeless and pessimistic feelings came rushing back at him. "She even let me draw her picture once."
"Kevin..." Paige searched for something, anything, even remotely reassuring to say but came up with nothing. Instead, she touched his knees carefully with both hands and watched him with concern softening her face.
"Yeah?" he asked, and let his eyes fall down on her hands, just out of habit. If Josh wasn't the one touching him, Kevin felt like he had to be really cautious and aware.
Paige was still at a loss, trying to so hard to find something to say that she didn't even register the boy's discomfort. She knew he couldn't hurt her because her instincts would lead her to husk into something non-organic almost immediately and she knew he wouldn't hurt her because he was careful. And because he didn't want to hurt her. She rarely thought about the risk anymore. Instead, she pulled in a breath and shook her head. "Don't...talk about her in the past tense, okay?" she said gently, "Don't think of her in the past tense. We need to believe in the Professor and Mr. Lensherr. And Laura."
Kevin frowned. He hadn't realised it, but he did that a lot. His mind was such a pessimistic place that even if he tried to be hopeful or think better, he still ended up wording things in his usual way. It wasn't this overly offensive thing, or anything, but it proved to him just how down on himself he was usually.
"Sorry," he murmured. "I'm trying...I didn't even realise I was doing that. I didn't mean to."
"You don't need to say 'sorry'," Paige answered quietly, "I just...don't want you makin' this harder on yourself than it has to be." Which, knowing Kevin, he was.
"This whole thing is just fucked," Kevin pointed out, knowing Paige was very right about her assumption. Kevin always made everything as hard as he possibly could for himself, no matter what it was. "I keep thinking that they're gone forever, and that's really fucking bad of me, but I can't stop it. I'm trying, but I can't."
Paige shook her head and mechanically (and unnecessarily) tucked her long hair behind her ears. "It's not just you. It's hard not to think the worst and not to let your mind wander into all of those dark places it shouldn't be in." She'd done her fair share of it too. Worrying about Laura and River and if they'd ever come back. Worrying about Simon. Worrying about her own siblings who had the same potential to end up here that River had and to be in the same danger. All of it had been twisting her into knots. "I wish I could say there's more to do than just tryin'. But I don't know if there is."
"I think it's just going to get worse," Kevin admitted, and glanced over at Paige. "Even if they do find those two, what the hell condition are they going to be when they get back? If they've been gone this long. I dunno. I know people think I'm dramatic sometimes, but I think that's realistic. If the headmasters find them, they're probably gonna be fucked right up. People who get kidnapped usually are no matter who takes them."
He sighed. "I know that's bad of me, but it's true. They won't be the same. When bad things happen to you, you're never the same ever again. Ever."
Listening to Kevin (and knowing that he was right) made Paige's heart wrench and she was silent for several long seconds. "No," she agreed finally, "They won't be entirely the same. But River will still be River. And Laura will still be Laura. Everything she is and everything you have with her doesn't just disappear because she's gone through something terrible."
"Paige," Kevin began, and didn't take his eyes off her. "Have you ever had something really bad happen to you? Like really bad to the point that it's all you can think of and all you can dream of? That it takes over you completely?"
Paige was quiet. Something about the way Kevin was looking at her made it seem vitally important not to look away and so, even when she wanted to lower eyes, she kept looking back at him. "When my dad died...yeah. For a while, it felt like that." She'd thought about him all the time back then, especially when it was dark like it had been for him down in the mines where he'd died. She paused because, even now, remembering that time was hard. But it wouldn't do any good to let all that pull her down now. "But it wasn't like this. I know that."
"When bad things happen to you, it changes you forever. Little pieces of who you were are still there, but it's different, and it stays that way for a long time," Kevin told her. "Maybe they'll be okay at some point, but it won't be for a long time."
"I'm not sayin' it'll all be better once they're home," Paige said, her brows knitting as she frowned and finally shook her head, "But after goin' through what they're goin' through, even if it changes them, doesn't that just make it more important for them to be here? With people that care about them? With people that...know those pieces that are left? You're actin' like..." She stopped herself and closed her lips, trailing off.
"You can have all the people in the world trying to help you, and it still won't make you feel better," he spoke softly. "Trust me on that, Paige."
"But you'll try," Paige asked, her own voice just as quiet, "Won't you?"
"Yes," he assured her quite firmly. "Even if nothing works, you still keep trying. You shouldn't give up on people."
A very small, very brief smile touched the edges of Paige's lips and she nodded, grateful to hear that from him.
Hesitant, Kevin leaned over, and placed his hand on her shoulder. It wasn't much, but it was a comforting gesture none the less.
Paige was even more grateful for that and, after a moment of hesitation, placed her hand over Kevin's and gave it a cautious squeeze before drawing back. "I think...the company might do both of us some good," she said finally, "If you want to stay for a while?"
Kevin found himself nodding. "Yeah, okay."
That didn't sound like a bad idea at all.
