Simon T & Harley, Backdated to May 23
May. 23rd, 2013 04:37 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
om_vault posting in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png){kind=small}
om_mainLess than a week after the kidnapping, Simon visits River's room. Harley (who hasn't left since River was taken) lets him in, and they are broken together.
Simon didn't know how he'd ended up there.
Jean-Paul had forced him to sleep on Monday - drugged him to, really - and he'd done the same for himself 48 hours later. Still, he'd had to look at a calendar that morning to realize that it was Thursday. That River had been missing for nearly five days and they still had no idea where she was. He'd told himself that he wasn't giving up. He'd told himself that he wasn't an emotional wreck. That he was a logical, rational individual, and that the only way he would find her would be to keep it together.
And then he'd found himself standing at her door.
She wasn't there, of course. He knew that. But for some reason, he was there anyway, and he had to force himself to actually knock, remembering that River hadn't lived alone.
Harley had gotten used to visitors over the past few days. People would drop by to check on her, hang out for a bit, or bring her updates; they pretty much always brought food. Occasionally someone would try to talk her into leaving, but she always refused. She couldn't explain, to them or to herself, why she needed to stay - it was important, simple as that. She couldn't leave.
There was always a vulnerability that came with opening the door. As usual, she cracked it open just enough to see, and found herself looking up at River's brother. Her anxious, hopeful expression melted away, her mouth setting in a hard line and her own grief touching her eyes. He looked terrible, run down and sad. Lost. She knew in a glance that he belonged in this room as much as she did, and pulled the door open to let him in.
Simon watched her, and stepped inside at the silent invitation, looking around the room he realized he'd never had the occasion to visit before. He should have. He should have gone to see her room. He should have helped her decorate. He should have done a lot of things.
Now, she was gone, and he found himself unsure where to sit, or what to do.
"I. I mean. How...how are you?"
"Fine," she assured him, looking away. She didn't ask how he was; it felt heartless, and besides, she could see the truth in the way he moved. She pulled out River's chair for him, then stepped back to hover on her own side of the room. Simon might not want her in the middle of River's things, and she wanted to respect that. "Can I get you something? There's water, or I have some food - an apple, or there's graham crackers..."
She wasn't fine. That was obvious, but Simon didn't call her out on it right away. Instead, he took the chair, swallowing hard at the thought that it was his sister who'd last sat there, and turned to face her desk, eying the things there. "No. Thank you, but no."
Harley fidgeted, feeling helpless. What was there to say? And there really wasn't anything to do for him either... Picking up a pillow from her bed, she settled in her own chair, knees up and pillow hugged in to her chest. She watched him in silence for a few moments, dread etched on her face. "You're not..." she bit her lip, then forged on. "You're not giving up, right?"
"What?" Simon started, turning around to look at her in surprise. "No! God, no. I...I'll never give up. Never. I'm going to find her, Harley."
Nodding fiercely into her pillow, Harley released a breath she didn't know she'd been holding. "Good." Their eyes met for a moment, and she felt ashamed for even asking. A blush crept into her cheeks and she looked away, softly adding, "I'm sorry."
"No," Simon answered softly. "I'm sorry. I didn't...I didn't think to check in on you. I didn't know...that you...but of course..."
He trailed off, awkward, and unsure.
She dismissed it with a shake of her head. "It's not your job to check on me, what you're doing is way more important. But I was afraid you were here to..." A heavy pause as she bit her lip again - to say goodbye. "I'm really glad you're not."
"No. God, no," Simon repeated, shaking his head sharply. "I'm just...I don't know. I guess I was thinking about her and ended up here. I didn't mean to worry you, or intrude..."
"It's fine, I get it," she told him honestly, touching the faint outline of an almost-healed bruise on her cheek. "Sometimes you have to think with your feet. I do that. I guess I was running people over on Friday after I lost gymnastics..." She hung her head, a familiar guilt creeping through her. "It seems so dumb now."
"Lost gymnastics?" Simon asked, slightly confused.
"They ended my career," she murmured. Only her tightened grip on the pillow betrayed the shame curling through her chest. "Doesn't matter anymore," she added, before he could say something polite about it. "I just meant... I get wandering. And you're not intruding, you're her family."
"I'm...sorry. I didn't know," he murmured back. "It does matter, though. Was it because of the mutant thing?"
As she nodded, her face flooded with emotion: guilt, sorrow, fear, regret. She looked at him helplessly. "To keep me safe."
Simon pushed up off of the chair and moved to sit on the bed next to her, one arm sliding around her shoulders. "They just care about you. They don't want to see you hurt."
She didn't react to the touch at all, just sat staring at River's side of the room while emotions chased across her face. Logically she realized that the kidnapping wasn't her fault, but... "But I'm not the one who got hurt."
He sighed gently. "It was bound to happen, Harley. It could have been...any one of us." And she wasn't the only one thinking that it should have been her.
It didn't change her mind about feeling guilty, but she understood the bitterness in his voice and didn't argue.
"Just because we're different," she said, sounding tired. She didn't feel different. Just the same old self, with disappearing fingers; she'd give that up in a heartbeat to get everything else back - to forget all this darkness, to feel safe again. A detached part of her realized that was gone for good. "I'm gonna let my parents think I hate them 'cause of gymnastics," she told him, making up her mind as she said it. "There's no going back after this... and it'll be easier for them."
"To distance yourself from them?" Simon asked, glancing toward her.
She thought for a moment, then nodded. "There's so much they won't understand, or I can't tell them... It was hard before, pretending to still be hurt and not talking about powers and stuff, but now... I don't even know how to lie about this."
"I wish that I could tell you that you're wrong," Simon sighed. "But the truth is, it's probably better this way. You have new friends and resources here. Who is to say you can't pick back up with your competitions once you've found your rhythm here? It just means that you won't be using the same coach."
Harley shook her head firmly. "No, they were right, it's not safe. I get it now..." Her gaze fell sadly on River's things again. "But even if it was, I'm only thirteen. I can't do anything without their permission, and by eighteen I'll be too old." There were more complicated reasons too, but it didn't really matter.
"I'm sorry," Simon murmured in return. He could think of nothing else to say. Not about the gymnastics...not about Harley's roommate, his sister, being gone. "The only thing I can do is promise that I'll bring River back."
Harley had a dark, crowded corner in her mind where unthinkable thoughts like unless it's too late got locked away. Still, she let out a little breath, some of the tension easing out of her shoulders. She'd been so afraid they'd stop looking for the girls, that someone would come with boxes for River's things and she'd be powerless to stop them. But Simon was smart and older, he could make them keep looking. And he wouldn't give up, she believed that now. As long as he was searching, she wouldn't give up either. "That's what matters."
Simon didn't know how he'd ended up there.
Jean-Paul had forced him to sleep on Monday - drugged him to, really - and he'd done the same for himself 48 hours later. Still, he'd had to look at a calendar that morning to realize that it was Thursday. That River had been missing for nearly five days and they still had no idea where she was. He'd told himself that he wasn't giving up. He'd told himself that he wasn't an emotional wreck. That he was a logical, rational individual, and that the only way he would find her would be to keep it together.
And then he'd found himself standing at her door.
She wasn't there, of course. He knew that. But for some reason, he was there anyway, and he had to force himself to actually knock, remembering that River hadn't lived alone.
Harley had gotten used to visitors over the past few days. People would drop by to check on her, hang out for a bit, or bring her updates; they pretty much always brought food. Occasionally someone would try to talk her into leaving, but she always refused. She couldn't explain, to them or to herself, why she needed to stay - it was important, simple as that. She couldn't leave.
There was always a vulnerability that came with opening the door. As usual, she cracked it open just enough to see, and found herself looking up at River's brother. Her anxious, hopeful expression melted away, her mouth setting in a hard line and her own grief touching her eyes. He looked terrible, run down and sad. Lost. She knew in a glance that he belonged in this room as much as she did, and pulled the door open to let him in.
Simon watched her, and stepped inside at the silent invitation, looking around the room he realized he'd never had the occasion to visit before. He should have. He should have gone to see her room. He should have helped her decorate. He should have done a lot of things.
Now, she was gone, and he found himself unsure where to sit, or what to do.
"I. I mean. How...how are you?"
"Fine," she assured him, looking away. She didn't ask how he was; it felt heartless, and besides, she could see the truth in the way he moved. She pulled out River's chair for him, then stepped back to hover on her own side of the room. Simon might not want her in the middle of River's things, and she wanted to respect that. "Can I get you something? There's water, or I have some food - an apple, or there's graham crackers..."
She wasn't fine. That was obvious, but Simon didn't call her out on it right away. Instead, he took the chair, swallowing hard at the thought that it was his sister who'd last sat there, and turned to face her desk, eying the things there. "No. Thank you, but no."
Harley fidgeted, feeling helpless. What was there to say? And there really wasn't anything to do for him either... Picking up a pillow from her bed, she settled in her own chair, knees up and pillow hugged in to her chest. She watched him in silence for a few moments, dread etched on her face. "You're not..." she bit her lip, then forged on. "You're not giving up, right?"
"What?" Simon started, turning around to look at her in surprise. "No! God, no. I...I'll never give up. Never. I'm going to find her, Harley."
Nodding fiercely into her pillow, Harley released a breath she didn't know she'd been holding. "Good." Their eyes met for a moment, and she felt ashamed for even asking. A blush crept into her cheeks and she looked away, softly adding, "I'm sorry."
"No," Simon answered softly. "I'm sorry. I didn't...I didn't think to check in on you. I didn't know...that you...but of course..."
He trailed off, awkward, and unsure.
She dismissed it with a shake of her head. "It's not your job to check on me, what you're doing is way more important. But I was afraid you were here to..." A heavy pause as she bit her lip again - to say goodbye. "I'm really glad you're not."
"No. God, no," Simon repeated, shaking his head sharply. "I'm just...I don't know. I guess I was thinking about her and ended up here. I didn't mean to worry you, or intrude..."
"It's fine, I get it," she told him honestly, touching the faint outline of an almost-healed bruise on her cheek. "Sometimes you have to think with your feet. I do that. I guess I was running people over on Friday after I lost gymnastics..." She hung her head, a familiar guilt creeping through her. "It seems so dumb now."
"Lost gymnastics?" Simon asked, slightly confused.
"They ended my career," she murmured. Only her tightened grip on the pillow betrayed the shame curling through her chest. "Doesn't matter anymore," she added, before he could say something polite about it. "I just meant... I get wandering. And you're not intruding, you're her family."
"I'm...sorry. I didn't know," he murmured back. "It does matter, though. Was it because of the mutant thing?"
As she nodded, her face flooded with emotion: guilt, sorrow, fear, regret. She looked at him helplessly. "To keep me safe."
Simon pushed up off of the chair and moved to sit on the bed next to her, one arm sliding around her shoulders. "They just care about you. They don't want to see you hurt."
She didn't react to the touch at all, just sat staring at River's side of the room while emotions chased across her face. Logically she realized that the kidnapping wasn't her fault, but... "But I'm not the one who got hurt."
He sighed gently. "It was bound to happen, Harley. It could have been...any one of us." And she wasn't the only one thinking that it should have been her.
It didn't change her mind about feeling guilty, but she understood the bitterness in his voice and didn't argue.
"Just because we're different," she said, sounding tired. She didn't feel different. Just the same old self, with disappearing fingers; she'd give that up in a heartbeat to get everything else back - to forget all this darkness, to feel safe again. A detached part of her realized that was gone for good. "I'm gonna let my parents think I hate them 'cause of gymnastics," she told him, making up her mind as she said it. "There's no going back after this... and it'll be easier for them."
"To distance yourself from them?" Simon asked, glancing toward her.
She thought for a moment, then nodded. "There's so much they won't understand, or I can't tell them... It was hard before, pretending to still be hurt and not talking about powers and stuff, but now... I don't even know how to lie about this."
"I wish that I could tell you that you're wrong," Simon sighed. "But the truth is, it's probably better this way. You have new friends and resources here. Who is to say you can't pick back up with your competitions once you've found your rhythm here? It just means that you won't be using the same coach."
Harley shook her head firmly. "No, they were right, it's not safe. I get it now..." Her gaze fell sadly on River's things again. "But even if it was, I'm only thirteen. I can't do anything without their permission, and by eighteen I'll be too old." There were more complicated reasons too, but it didn't really matter.
"I'm sorry," Simon murmured in return. He could think of nothing else to say. Not about the gymnastics...not about Harley's roommate, his sister, being gone. "The only thing I can do is promise that I'll bring River back."
Harley had a dark, crowded corner in her mind where unthinkable thoughts like unless it's too late got locked away. Still, she let out a little breath, some of the tension easing out of her shoulders. She'd been so afraid they'd stop looking for the girls, that someone would come with boxes for River's things and she'd be powerless to stop them. But Simon was smart and older, he could make them keep looking. And he wouldn't give up, she believed that now. As long as he was searching, she wouldn't give up either. "That's what matters."
