om_griffin (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
om_griffin) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
om_main2015-08-27 08:48 pm
om_griffin) wrote in om_main2015-08-27 08:48 pm
Ianto and Daniel | Backdated to August 27
Daniel tells Ianto about his conversation with Tim. Cue confessions and guilt and feels.
Daniel was glad that class was over because the only thing he could think about was that he wasn't just blacking out for no reason. He wasn't going mad. He'd dutifully tried to practice whenever one of the teachers wanted him to, but either nothing happened or, worse, he blacked out. Thankfully it was usually the former. He'd never gone out of his way to do the one thing that terrified him more than anything else.
He'd thought that maybe the teachers were just trying too hard. That maybe they'd made a mistake, one he was getting away with. But talking with Tim, having him go into such detail that confirmed the few things the teachers could tell him about his power, that's what made him hope. And so he went to the people he'd been working with and told them everything. He wasn't going crazy, they assured him. It was just an uncontrolled power. Too much sensory information, they said, and he wasn't used to it. There might have been a few tears.
When he was through telling them, he went back to his room, hoping that Ianto was there. He had someone else to confess to.
Ianto looked up from where he was studying at his desk, pleased smile already in place in anticipation of seeing Daniel. He sucked up a sharp breath when he saw his roommate's face, though - he looked a little flushed, like he'd been crying. "Daniel?" He asked, hesitant, half out of his chair.
Daniel sucked in a breath. He'd been doing better towards the end, but he supposed he was still a bit splotchy and he just felt exhausted. He wasn't running in fear of Nick or what was inside his own head. He shut the door behind him and took of his glasses, rubbing at his eyes with the back of his hand.
"I found out what my power is," he said in almost a whisper.
Blinking for half a second, Ianto slowly walked over and clasped Daniel's shoulder. "I - alright. Are you okay?" He was thoroughly confused, actually. Daniel had been vague about his powers, but he'd thought he just wasn't comfortable talking about it.
He'd thought he was over the tears, but at the sudden concern, he felt them prick his eyes again. He lifted his shoulders in a small shrug. "I thought..." He swallowed. "I thought..." And then in a quiet rush, he said, "I thought I was going crazy."
Ianto took in a sharp breath and involuntarily squeezed the hand on Daniel's shoulder. "What? Why-" he cut himself off, not sure how to finish the question. Why didn't Daniel tell him? Why would he think something so foolish? Why hadn't anyone else picked up on that fear. Xavier was supposed to be a bloody psychic! Why hadn't Ianto noticed?
"I black out when I touch things. Some things. And Nick, my grandfather..." Daniel couldn't meet Ianto's eyes for more than a second, flittering away as soon as they met. "I was speaking gibberish. And then..." And then Daniel's legs couldn't support him. He turned away and went back to his bed, all but crashing down on it.
His mind raced for a minute, hand still hovering before he realized it made him look a fool. He tucked both hands against his stomach but unable to stay away he walked to the bed and sat down next to Daniel. Said like that, though he didn't understand what Daniel's grandfather had to do with it, Ianto could start to see how Daniel might have gotten confused. But he should have pursued his roommate's - retroactively obvious - discomfort with his powers. He had been falling apart and Ianto should have been there. He leaned so his shoulder was pressed against Daniel's and tentatively reached for his hand, a silent support.
Daniel let Ianto take his hand; it was a place to focus on that wasn't staring into space. He took a deep breath, but the tightness in his chest stayed. It felt like he couldn't breathe. Or maybe he just didn't want to. "Nick was on a dig, once. And when he came back, he thought he'd seen aliens," he explained. His hand tightened reflexively.
"He was crazy and so when they took me to the psych ward, I wondered if I was, too."
Ianto needed the comfort and distraction of the handhold just as much. "When," he started, his voice holding frustrated anger. That wasn't going to help anything, though, so he reined himself in. He continued more tentatively, "Was this, after the museum?"
Daniel flinched a little at the tone. "Well, I was talking nonsense and didn't remember any of it," he said almost defensively. As if they'd had a right to put him in that place, drug him up, and try to get memories back that he just couldn't retrieve.
So he should have been taken to hospital - what if it had been a seizure? Or an embolism or aneurysm or whatever that was called. Not locked up and told he was insane. Ianto turned to try to catch Daniel's eyes. "I have never thought you crazy, Daniel. Not once. I'm so sorry that anyone made you feel that way."
"I was the one who thought...family history and everything, right?" He couldn't look at Ianto, not and see the pity that would be in his eyes. "It was this demon gnawing at my insides. Everyone here could do things, what if I was the exception, the mistake? Dissociative fugue, the doctors called it. Not quite amnesia, but a blank spot in my head where I didn't even remember speaking."
"That must have been terrifying," Ianto squeezed Daniel's hand to bring him back to this reality. "But you're not a mistake. Not ever. You know that, yeah?"
"I guess," Daniel said with another shrug. The teachers tried to tell me...but I didn't believe any of them." He didn't really trust adults. Not anymore. "But there's this student who can read powers and he said...well, he told me." He'd wanted to believe he wasn't crazy. That he wasn't going down the road that Nick had. He just wasn't sure if he could trust it. There was still a small, niggling doubt buried deep inside, but he thought that maybe he could at least try to believe now.
"You mean Tim?" Ianto couldn't think of anyone else that analyzed powers. "He looked at my powers a while ago." And now Ianto looked away, trying to mask his own insecurity with a shrug. "Said I might be able to fix them, someday. He helped you, too?"
Daniel squeezed Ianto's hand. It was hard taking support, but he was more than happy to give it. "He told me...that I had a power. That was all I really needed to know. There were details, but that's not the important part."
Letting out a slow breath, Ianto collapsed more onto his roommate. "I'm glad he helped you," and I'm so angry I didn't, he kept to himself. He watched everyone but apparently he hadn't observed; or not well enough. Ianto felt like he'd failed Daniel. "He could probably help more, with understanding your fugue or how to control it all." It was good that someone could give Daniel what he needed.
"What if..." And then he did stare off into space. "What if I never stop forgetting?" He pressed his lips together.
Ianto relaxed slightly - at least for this he could offer solutions. "Then I'll be your scribe, writing down what happens so we can better understand it. And once we know your, ah, your triggers, we'll find ways to avoid them. At least, as much as you want to avoid them."
"You'd do that?" Daniel asked, finally looking up and meeting Ianto's eyes. There was so much lost and confusion in his own that he knew that Ianto could see, but it didn't bother him as much as it probably should have.
"Of course," Ianto tried to fill his voice with conviction and fight his tendency to present himself as nonchalant. "You're the, the best friend I've ever had," he stumbled. He thought it was obvious - there wasn't much he wouldn't do for Daniel.
Daniel flushed. "I haven't had a lot of those," he admitted. "Friends. Or any, really, until here."
"Me either," Ianto confessed back.
"Then we'll be each other's best friends," Daniel said, the flush feeling even hotter.
"Yeah," Ianto said a little too quickly. He flushed himself and stared resolutely at where his free hand was gripping his knee. "Yeah, that sounds good."
"Good," Daniel said quietly. "And...thank you."
"For what?" Ianto was genuinely confused, and let that cover the bitter undertone. For what? I failed you.
"For..." Daniel wasn't sure how to answer that. There were so many reasons and it would have been impossible to pick a place to start. "For being you."
Ianto's eyes went wide with surprise. That was not at all what he was expecting; he had been thanked for his actions before, not for his very essence. "Ah, thanks? Or no, you're welcome?" He knew he was turning pink again.
Daniel's smile got a little wider and he studied their hands intently. It kept him from letting on just how embarrassed he was. He hadn't wondered about their hands before. Hadn't thought anything about holding Ianto's hand. In some cultures, men held hands without it being seen as anything other than a show of friendship. That had to be what this was. A show of friendship. After all, they were best friends now, right?
Ianto was very aware of how the gesture could be misinterpreted, and he wasn't generally a touchy person, but - well, he reasoned to himself, when it's easiest to get someone's attention by touch and you see them everyday, touch became normal. It would have made him more uncomfortable to not reach out. So he just squeezed Daniel's hand, wondering if he could hunt down Tim to discuss ways that he might help Daniel's control.
Daniel was glad that class was over because the only thing he could think about was that he wasn't just blacking out for no reason. He wasn't going mad. He'd dutifully tried to practice whenever one of the teachers wanted him to, but either nothing happened or, worse, he blacked out. Thankfully it was usually the former. He'd never gone out of his way to do the one thing that terrified him more than anything else.
He'd thought that maybe the teachers were just trying too hard. That maybe they'd made a mistake, one he was getting away with. But talking with Tim, having him go into such detail that confirmed the few things the teachers could tell him about his power, that's what made him hope. And so he went to the people he'd been working with and told them everything. He wasn't going crazy, they assured him. It was just an uncontrolled power. Too much sensory information, they said, and he wasn't used to it. There might have been a few tears.
When he was through telling them, he went back to his room, hoping that Ianto was there. He had someone else to confess to.
Ianto looked up from where he was studying at his desk, pleased smile already in place in anticipation of seeing Daniel. He sucked up a sharp breath when he saw his roommate's face, though - he looked a little flushed, like he'd been crying. "Daniel?" He asked, hesitant, half out of his chair.
Daniel sucked in a breath. He'd been doing better towards the end, but he supposed he was still a bit splotchy and he just felt exhausted. He wasn't running in fear of Nick or what was inside his own head. He shut the door behind him and took of his glasses, rubbing at his eyes with the back of his hand.
"I found out what my power is," he said in almost a whisper.
Blinking for half a second, Ianto slowly walked over and clasped Daniel's shoulder. "I - alright. Are you okay?" He was thoroughly confused, actually. Daniel had been vague about his powers, but he'd thought he just wasn't comfortable talking about it.
He'd thought he was over the tears, but at the sudden concern, he felt them prick his eyes again. He lifted his shoulders in a small shrug. "I thought..." He swallowed. "I thought..." And then in a quiet rush, he said, "I thought I was going crazy."
Ianto took in a sharp breath and involuntarily squeezed the hand on Daniel's shoulder. "What? Why-" he cut himself off, not sure how to finish the question. Why didn't Daniel tell him? Why would he think something so foolish? Why hadn't anyone else picked up on that fear. Xavier was supposed to be a bloody psychic! Why hadn't Ianto noticed?
"I black out when I touch things. Some things. And Nick, my grandfather..." Daniel couldn't meet Ianto's eyes for more than a second, flittering away as soon as they met. "I was speaking gibberish. And then..." And then Daniel's legs couldn't support him. He turned away and went back to his bed, all but crashing down on it.
His mind raced for a minute, hand still hovering before he realized it made him look a fool. He tucked both hands against his stomach but unable to stay away he walked to the bed and sat down next to Daniel. Said like that, though he didn't understand what Daniel's grandfather had to do with it, Ianto could start to see how Daniel might have gotten confused. But he should have pursued his roommate's - retroactively obvious - discomfort with his powers. He had been falling apart and Ianto should have been there. He leaned so his shoulder was pressed against Daniel's and tentatively reached for his hand, a silent support.
Daniel let Ianto take his hand; it was a place to focus on that wasn't staring into space. He took a deep breath, but the tightness in his chest stayed. It felt like he couldn't breathe. Or maybe he just didn't want to. "Nick was on a dig, once. And when he came back, he thought he'd seen aliens," he explained. His hand tightened reflexively.
"He was crazy and so when they took me to the psych ward, I wondered if I was, too."
Ianto needed the comfort and distraction of the handhold just as much. "When," he started, his voice holding frustrated anger. That wasn't going to help anything, though, so he reined himself in. He continued more tentatively, "Was this, after the museum?"
Daniel flinched a little at the tone. "Well, I was talking nonsense and didn't remember any of it," he said almost defensively. As if they'd had a right to put him in that place, drug him up, and try to get memories back that he just couldn't retrieve.
So he should have been taken to hospital - what if it had been a seizure? Or an embolism or aneurysm or whatever that was called. Not locked up and told he was insane. Ianto turned to try to catch Daniel's eyes. "I have never thought you crazy, Daniel. Not once. I'm so sorry that anyone made you feel that way."
"I was the one who thought...family history and everything, right?" He couldn't look at Ianto, not and see the pity that would be in his eyes. "It was this demon gnawing at my insides. Everyone here could do things, what if I was the exception, the mistake? Dissociative fugue, the doctors called it. Not quite amnesia, but a blank spot in my head where I didn't even remember speaking."
"That must have been terrifying," Ianto squeezed Daniel's hand to bring him back to this reality. "But you're not a mistake. Not ever. You know that, yeah?"
"I guess," Daniel said with another shrug. The teachers tried to tell me...but I didn't believe any of them." He didn't really trust adults. Not anymore. "But there's this student who can read powers and he said...well, he told me." He'd wanted to believe he wasn't crazy. That he wasn't going down the road that Nick had. He just wasn't sure if he could trust it. There was still a small, niggling doubt buried deep inside, but he thought that maybe he could at least try to believe now.
"You mean Tim?" Ianto couldn't think of anyone else that analyzed powers. "He looked at my powers a while ago." And now Ianto looked away, trying to mask his own insecurity with a shrug. "Said I might be able to fix them, someday. He helped you, too?"
Daniel squeezed Ianto's hand. It was hard taking support, but he was more than happy to give it. "He told me...that I had a power. That was all I really needed to know. There were details, but that's not the important part."
Letting out a slow breath, Ianto collapsed more onto his roommate. "I'm glad he helped you," and I'm so angry I didn't, he kept to himself. He watched everyone but apparently he hadn't observed; or not well enough. Ianto felt like he'd failed Daniel. "He could probably help more, with understanding your fugue or how to control it all." It was good that someone could give Daniel what he needed.
"What if..." And then he did stare off into space. "What if I never stop forgetting?" He pressed his lips together.
Ianto relaxed slightly - at least for this he could offer solutions. "Then I'll be your scribe, writing down what happens so we can better understand it. And once we know your, ah, your triggers, we'll find ways to avoid them. At least, as much as you want to avoid them."
"You'd do that?" Daniel asked, finally looking up and meeting Ianto's eyes. There was so much lost and confusion in his own that he knew that Ianto could see, but it didn't bother him as much as it probably should have.
"Of course," Ianto tried to fill his voice with conviction and fight his tendency to present himself as nonchalant. "You're the, the best friend I've ever had," he stumbled. He thought it was obvious - there wasn't much he wouldn't do for Daniel.
Daniel flushed. "I haven't had a lot of those," he admitted. "Friends. Or any, really, until here."
"Me either," Ianto confessed back.
"Then we'll be each other's best friends," Daniel said, the flush feeling even hotter.
"Yeah," Ianto said a little too quickly. He flushed himself and stared resolutely at where his free hand was gripping his knee. "Yeah, that sounds good."
"Good," Daniel said quietly. "And...thank you."
"For what?" Ianto was genuinely confused, and let that cover the bitter undertone. For what? I failed you.
"For..." Daniel wasn't sure how to answer that. There were so many reasons and it would have been impossible to pick a place to start. "For being you."
Ianto's eyes went wide with surprise. That was not at all what he was expecting; he had been thanked for his actions before, not for his very essence. "Ah, thanks? Or no, you're welcome?" He knew he was turning pink again.
Daniel's smile got a little wider and he studied their hands intently. It kept him from letting on just how embarrassed he was. He hadn't wondered about their hands before. Hadn't thought anything about holding Ianto's hand. In some cultures, men held hands without it being seen as anything other than a show of friendship. That had to be what this was. A show of friendship. After all, they were best friends now, right?
Ianto was very aware of how the gesture could be misinterpreted, and he wasn't generally a touchy person, but - well, he reasoned to himself, when it's easiest to get someone's attention by touch and you see them everyday, touch became normal. It would have made him more uncomfortable to not reach out. So he just squeezed Daniel's hand, wondering if he could hunt down Tim to discuss ways that he might help Daniel's control.
no subject