Felix and Laura, this evening

[om_ghost]

Laura follows Felix while walking outside, and imparts wisdom regarding the wildest things in his life. Ultimately, Felix realizes he has to give one of them up, and it breaks his heart just a little bit.

After supper that evening, Felix had wandered away from his usual group of friends. Caius was busy doing something mysteriously Caius, and no one else would understand about Fix, the wild fox that they had sort of adopted. (Fix himself might not agree this was the arrangement, but Caius and Felix felt strongly about it.) He had some bread from the meal in one pocket, and his phone in the other, so he at least could tell which direction to head in, should he get lost in the trees.

Felix wandered out the door that he and Caius always went out, and across the lawn toward the woods. While he felt fairly certain that he was going in the right direction, of course one never knew where one might find a wild animal. Fix might have wandered away, or might be on the other side of the house, but Felix made his way carefully along the edge of the treeline, looking for the clump of bushes where he and Caius thought Fix's den was.

Along the branches of the trees, Felix was followed, a bigger shadow than a fox, but nearly as quiet and quick. Laura didn't always follow Felix, especially since he seemed to be growing more independent and brave, but she didn't quite approve of his and Caius' fascination with the fox, and she also wanted to check in on him regarding another animal in his life. Laura wasn't the type to concern herself with talking about feelings or emotions, but she was the type to concern herself with dangerous situations.

A moment later, she had dropped to the ground behind Felix, allowing enough noise for him to hear her.

There was a crunch behind him, and Felix drew a sharp breath and went stock-still. It was still early enough to be light out, so he wasn't really in danger, but that didn't stop his heart from racing. Very hesitantly and slowly, he turned around (left side first, so he could actually see what was happening), until he caught sight of the figure who had landed behind him.

Felix exhaled, his posture relaxing. "Laura? You gave me a fright. I'm not lost again, am I? The house is right over there." It was, after all, still in view.

"You're not lost," Laura assured him, stepping closer. "I'm sorry I scared you."

At that, Felix actually smiled, because it seemed like such a progressive thing for her, to apologize. "It's all right. It's exhausting, being afraid of everything. I'm teaching myself to settle down."

"I am teaching myself to...settle down in a way as well," she murmured, but didn't echo his smile even so. Showing emotion was still quite difficult for her to get a handle on.

"You seem to be doing a pretty good job," observed Felix. Laura was different, definitely, than the girl who had rescued him from wandering off more than once... though he realized that part of it was because he'd gotten taller, and bigger, and she seemed more like a wild sylph than a wild cat.

Gesturing vaguely in the direction of more nature, he suggested, "I was going to look for the fox that Caius and I sometimes feed. Or just take a walk. You can come with me if you want. Even if we don't find the fox."

She frowned slightly at that, but fell into step beside him. "You and Velikaia shouldn't taunt the fox so. You are not doing him any favors in teaching him to be more trusting of people."

Felix began wandering, keeping vaguely to the tree line. "We don't taunt him. We adore him." He frowned sidelong at Laura. "He's still wild. Is it really hurting him?"

"He'll learn to trust you, and trust the scent of people, and should someone come to hunt him, he might trust them too," Laura answered quietly.

Uncomfortably, Felix folded his arms around his middle, glancing at Laura briefly though he kept his eyes on where he was going for the most part. "You mean... we're, like, tricking him. Without meaning to. Into letting his guard down."

"Exactly," Laura agreed, glancing over at him. "I know you don't mean to hurt him, but he is a wild animal. His instincts are there for a reason. Unless you mean to domesticate him, and take care of him for the rest of his life..."

"No," Felix answered quickly. "He's free, and he should be. I would take care of him, if he needed me, but... he wouldn't be very happy that way." Even Felix knew that, though it made him upset in a way he didn't completely understand. "I'm not stupid, I promise. I know it's a wild thing's nature to be wild."

It's a wild thing's nature to be wild. Laura was quiet. Was she a wild thing? Was she removing herself from other people in order to protect her instincts? "I...understand. You wanted to befriend him."

Felix nodded slightly, trying not to look like he thought he'd been scolded. Laura hadn't meant it that way; she was odd and seemed emotionless a lot of the time, but she wasn't ever mean or cruel.

"He's just so beautiful. Not just his fur, you know, it's... because he's independent, and fends for himself." Qualities that Felix wanted very much to cultivate, too. "I never thought he might lose that if we got too close."

"Do you want to be independent?" Laura asked curiously as they walked.

Rather than answer directly, Felix glanced at the ground, and then said, "You sound surprised. Doesn't everyone want that?"

"Some don't," she countered. "Some want to be sheltered. To depend on others."

"Do I seem like that kind of person? Who depends on others?" Felix continued not to answer the question.

Laura glanced over at him, then nodded briefly. "Sometimes."

That clearly was not the answer Felix had been hoping to hear. He frowned in the direction of his shoes. "I think I'd like to get that down to 'rarely.'"

"What about your wolf?" she asked curiously.

"My...?" Felix looked up, momentarily bewildered. Then, when he figured out what Laura meant, he shut his mouth and swallowed. At least he didn't blush, for once.

"There are two things wrong with that statement. First of all, the wolf isn't Remus, not at all," he said with conviction and certainty. Then, softer, he added, "And secondly, Remus isn't mine."

She tilted her head, regarding him thoughtfully. "The wolf is separate?"

This was something about which Felix was absolutely sure, and he meant to convince everyone else that it was true, too. "Completely. When he's a wolf, Remus isn't even there. I don't know where he is, but it's not him." Felix lifted his chin, admitting to something he'd decided on, but hadn't told anyone yet. "I'm going to find out where he goes, though."

Pausing in a quiet span of oak trees, Laura turned to him. "Be careful, Felix. I've heard the wolf in him. Felt him when I was...when I returned. He's very dangerous."

Felix could see Laura's hesitation, and he knew she probably didn't want to talk about it, but if she knew something important about the wolf then he needed to know it too. He needed to know everything he could, to help Remus. "I know. I saw it this summer, and it... really scared me." But that was when he'd decided not to leave Remus behind. "Will you tell me what you heard?"

Laura frowned at him. "You do not want to know that."

Even though Felix really did want to know, bothering Laura after she'd told you 'No' was a bad idea. He pressed his lips together impatiently, but didn't ask again. "I just want to help him, and I think I can. Maybe Remus is dreaming, when the wolf takes over. Maybe I can find him."

"I don't know about that," she told him honestly. Things that were beyond this world were beyond her comprehension. He didn't seem satisfied though, so she turned and began walking again, waiting for Felix to fall in beside her before she spoke again.

"I heard screaming the night he turned. Bones breaking. Then growling, barking, howls, and thuds against the cell as the wolf tried to break free," she told him.

Felix looked a little sick as Laura related those facts to him, but he had asked, and he couldn't run away from the answer. Only he had to swallow very hard and keep his mouth pressed shut for a bit, because it hurt, more than he had expected, to think of such things happening to sweet, gentle, kind Remus.

"He has to live through it every month," Felix heard himself saying, not even sure why he was saying it to Laura, or why it seemed to sting so much. "Something else taking over his body, taking it away from him, and then leaving him to deal with the pain later. It keeps happening over and over and he doesn't have any choice."

Laura gave a small little shrug. She didn't bother telling Felix about the crying the morning after. It wouldn't make the news any easier to take. She also didn't know whether Remus had a choice or not. Had no one tried to stop the transformation? She didn't know. "Good luck with helping him."

"Thanks," said Felix quietly, automatically. He knew they weren't looking for the fox any more, so now they were only taking a walk together. That was all right. Felix liked Laura's frankness, and the way she seemed free from the kinds of social constraints other people needed. "I don't think I've ever actually helped anyone, ever."

"It's...strange, the first time." she agreed. "But my warning still stands. The wolf is dangerous. Be careful."

"Don't worry," Felix answered, clasping his hands behind his back as they walked. "Being wary is what I'm best at."

Unbeknownst to Felix, Laura had led him to the edge of the lake rather than the fox's den. There, she set a hand on his shoulder and urged him to crouch down behind some bushes, giving him a look through the branches at a small flame-colored creature quietly drinking from the water. "In that, you are like a fox," she said under her breath. Then she explained, "There are other ways to enjoy his beauty than to trick him into trusting us."

Felix disliked being touched, but he disliked the lake even more. Laura's hand on his shoulder was a quick, solid reminder not to panic even when he saw the wide stretch of water there before him. Obediently, he crouched down, biting his lip against saying anything embarrassing. And then, he was rewarded handsomely.

Despite the lake and his fear, Felix's expression warmed until he almost smiled. Maybe a part of him had wanted to befriend the fox in the hopes that the creature would love him, feel about him the way Felix couldn't feel about real people. But... that was ridiculous. Even if he hoped for it, a tiny bit. "See? He's beautiful."

Laura gave a quiet nod. "He is. In Japan, it is believed that foxes are actually magical spirits with great power and wisdom."

Felix sighed, very softly, without thinking about it. "He's smart enough to live without my help."