Philip & Felix (August 25)

[om_ghost]

Philip teaches Felix about why he's an awkward giraffe, and then shows him a kind of exercise he doesn't completely hate: tai chi. Since Philip is patient and insightful, Felix rewards him by being slightly less bratty than usual.


It had taken some dedicated work but Philip thought he was making a little progress with Felix in the fitness department. For all that Felix disparaged his own abilities, Philip knew that it was just a question of practice and dedication. It didn't help either how Felix was growing and filling out, with that much change, damn near day to day, of course he felt all out of balance.

Still, he had a new thought for them to work on, so he'd booked a small room off the gym where he spent a lot of time giving private lessons and spent the time waiting for Felix in getting warmed up.


Felix hated how awkward he felt in exercise clothes, or in fact, doing anything remotely related to exercise. He lost track of his hands and feet half the time, and he felt incredibly exposed in the light-weight cotton shirts and loose pants with very dubious drawstrings. And elastic. Horrifying.

As usual, he'd pulled on a very oversized (though becoming more and more fitted every month, it seemed) zip-up sweat shirt to attempt to hide in before entering the smaller room that Philip had for their meeting today. He paused just at the door, tucking his hands under his arms, to watch Philip do his warm-up exercises. Felix knew he would never, ever be that flexible, or that strong, or look that comfortable with himself. Philip must get so very exasperated with him.


Philip was in his usual 'uniform' of a worn out t-shirt and exercise pants with bare feet, he'd given up real camouflage in the gym at least, quite a while ago. He'd been seated on the floor, legs split wide as he leaned forward, arms comfortable folded and resting on the floor in front of him. "Felix, right on time," he said as he looked up with a smile. "I thought we'd try something new today."


Definitely, definitely never going to be able to do that. Felix pushed his growing red curls out of his face self-consciously, and moved to where Philip was seated with careful steps. Getting himself down to the floor was a bit unsteady, but he managed not to flop or thud. "Am I going to need to hose off afterward?" he asked, equally uncertain of and interested in something 'new.'


"That'll depend on you?" Philip said as he sat up. He rocked a bit and folded his legs under him, sitting back on his heels. "You're making some pretty good progress, even if your growth is making you awkward. Have you seen Tai Chi before? I thought we could give it a try."


Felix tilted his head, thoughtful. "Isn't that the thing they do very slowly on beaches or mountaintops or something?" He'd seen commercials. Mostly for geriatric vitamins. "I thought it was my awkwardness making me awkward."


"It's a bit more meditative than the harder styles of martial arts are, yes. It's pretty popular because it's something that you can take slow with minimal impact but it's great for coordination and balance," Philip replied.

He tipped his head to the side a little, eyeing Felix. "No, or at least not all of it. How much have you grown since you got here? Your center of balance keeps shifting, your weight is changing, and you haven't learned to compensate for that. Everybody goes through that when they're growing to a greater or lesser extent."


Looking surprised, Felix gave the question some consideration. "Five or six inches, I think. Simon says I'll probably keep growing." And it was true, really, that he didn't usually expect himself to be as tall as he was. He was much more accustomed to being small, frail, easily hidden. Often, he still thought of himself that way. "I didn't really... I thought I was just clumsy."


"A lot of kids do," Philip said. "It's part of the whole annoyance of being a teenager. I don't know if I could make a gymnast out of you, but it'll definitely get better, I promise you that."


Yes, no. The look Felix gave Philip at the idea of gymnastics could wither wildlife. Luckily, Philip was impervious to Felix's brattiness. "All right," he said eventually. "You said there's meditating involved?" Felix sounded faintly dubious. P.E. was not a peaceful place, and he associated all physical activity with P.E.


"There is. The short version is, there's a large portion of it that's dedicated to health, mental and physical and you don't have to be in great shape to do it. Come on," he said as he got to his feet. "We'll start slow."


Felix got his feet underneath him and clambered up, now curious about this new thing. "I wouldn't suggest wording it that way to other people. You make it sound like I'm out of shape and my mental health needs improvement. Other people won't understand you the way I do, Philip," he explained with the patient-sounding, teacherish tone he sometimes took with his former roommate -- as if Philip were the one who needed guidance.


"Why do you think there isn't anyone else here?" Philip said dryly. "I've got about a half dozen students that all need very different things. Is it going to be a problem if I have to touch you occasionally to correct a position? You'd have plenty of warning."

Because he didn't do that with Felix uninvited. Ever.


Touch you were still words that made Felix's stomach clench faintly, but he knew very well that normal people didn't have that problem. He wanted to be normal. He would be normal. But Philip was offering to give him boundaries and Felix would be an idiot to pretend that everything was perfectly fine. "If you don't come up behind me," he allowed, momentarily studying something on the opposite wall so he didn't need to look right at Philip when he said it.


"I won't," Philip said and he nodded towards the far, mirrored wall. "If I do have to move behind you, I'll warn you and you can watch me there. I'd only do it if you're going to injure something if I don't."


Felix gave the mirror a thoughtful study, blinked and squinted slightly, but finally nodded his agreement. Philip didn't treat him like he was weird for wanting that kind of reassurance. "I'll try not to hurt myself doing the slowest exercise of all time," he said, with the hint of a smile.


"You're going to be using things you don't usually," Philip pointed out. "You can put a strain on almost any part of your body that way. But let's get started and you can tell me what you think."


He stretched and wiggled his fingers self-consciously, but Felix settled down and turned half-away from the mirror, toward Philip, so he wouldn't be distracted by looking at himself. "All right. Where do you start?"


"Okay," Philip said. "First you set your feet like this..."

*****

Felix looked a little dazed once Philip had led him through the sequence of movements. There was a lot to remember, and while Felix was usually good at remembering things, those things were usually words and numbers and ideas, not motions. At first he had been very, very uncertain about doing it wrong, but Philip was patient (just like Philip always was) and kept giving him the instructions until he felt more confident in trying.

Of course, he was pretty terrible at it all around. He had difficulty dropping his shoulders and relaxing his joints, stiff and hesitant to move his feet without looking down and confirming where he was going. It would be slow going, he was sure.

"You haven't despaired yet?" Felix asked, when they paused, stretching out his arms and wiggling his stiff-feeling fingers.


"Of course not," Philip said as he stretched his arms over his head and leaned back. "It's the first day, it's not going to be perfect. The second or third day aren't going to be perfect either. Don't worry about that. How are you feeling?"


"... wobbly?" Felix ventured, with a small sheepish smile. "But... good. Kind of stretched, and warm? But not disgusting, like after P.E. class." He looked at Philip apprehensively, like he hoped that was the right answer.


"Good," Philip said with a smile. "You want to feel like you worked but you shouldn't be passing out. And it'll get easier the more you do it, I promise that."


Philip's approval gave Felix permission to say more. "I liked the breathing part, too. Is that odd? Because I could tell when to stop and start or change directions. I wasn't wondering what was coming next." Okay, it did sound odd, but Philip didn't judge Felix's strange ideas.


Philip just nodded, it made sense to him. "Body awareness isn't just knowing where to put your feet. The insides are just as important as the outside. You can't be secure in your body unless you know how it all works and breathing is a fairly critical part."


Felix actually looked quite pleased that he'd figured that out on his own. Most of the time he didn't really want to feel connected to his own body, but this had been... kind of nice. "So we'll do this sometimes along with the getting-away-from-people lessons?"


Philip nodded and stretched his arms over his head again. "How are you feeling about that, by the way?"


"Like I might be slightly less dead if I ever have to use it," Felix admitted, shrugging one shoulder.


"Slightly less is still better than totally dead," Philip pointed out. "And even having some element of surprise can be incredibly useful."


"I try to be surprising on a daily basis," Felix informed him, still sounding dry, but with a secretive little half-smile that he didn't think Philip saw.