om_main | Remus & Felix

Felix and Remus go on a picnic. There's so much blushing I hope they're wearing sunscreen.

If he put it off for very much longer, the summer would turn much too hot to have a pleasant meal out of doors. Felix had been nervous about this for some time, despite extensive planning and discussions with Caius, but eventually one could only plan a simple picnic so much. Eventually, even if one was uncertain, one simply must sally forth.

That was what Felix told himself when he texted Remus the day before, asking if he would be free for lunch tomorrow. Once Remus confirmed that he was, it was just a simple matter of placing an order through a Salem Center deli's web site and scheduling a delivery for the next day.

Felix arrived at Remus' room promptly at five minutes to noon, carrying a small picnic basket that smelled distinctly of fried chicken, with an outdoor blanket folded on top. He had chosen carefully a pair of knee-length black shorts with a cute polka-dot cuff, and a relaxed striped t-shirt -- casual yet fashionable with the blue-tinted sunglasses he favored for protecting his eyes.

As soon as he knocked on Remus' door, his nervous butterflies seemed to grow broad wings of excitement.

Remus had, for the past few months, been keeping even more to himself than usual. The full moons had been leaving him even more drained, and to not get behind on his studies on the days he had to spend in bed, he'd worked himself to death at the end of the term. But now that it was summer things seemed a little better. Though he was sad that Eames was gone, because though he'd spent much of his time with Arthur anyway, Eames had still made a point to be there for him and his absence made Remus feel lonelier. He was making it a point to reconnect with Pietro, and with Sirius who was trying so hard to be his friend (despite Remus' uneasiness with discussions of the wolf). But having an invitation from Felix was really the best news, because Remus had been shy ever since their dance at his birthday, but he did still really make him feel sort of... fluttery.

He'd wondered if he ought to call Eames or Pietro to get some advice, but then he felt like it was an awfully big assumption that it might be anything more than it was, and he didn't know if he wanted it to be or not. So instead he just decided to... wing it.

Of course, then Felix was standing there was a basket and looking quite fashionable, and Remus felt as usual quite frumpy in comparison. At least he thought his trousers probably fit. And Remus was one of the few people in the school who also tended to cover his arms even in the summer.

"... hi," he said, with a lopsided smile, and pushed his hair out of his face.

When Remus opened the door, Felix smiled at him like the sun coming out from behind clouds. For all of his thinking and planning and nerves, once it was just him and Remus, everything was easier. He put Felix at ease, and that wasn't something many people could do

Felix lifted the basket in presentation. "Hello, Remus. This is a surprise picnic. I hope you don't mind." Of course, he was fairly certain Remus wouldn't mind. Felix couldn't recall Remus ever denying anything to anyone.

"Oh!" Remus brightened a little. "Oh, okay. Yes, that sounds really nice. The weather's been so good lately. I've been reading outside." He picked up his keys from his desk by the door and slid them into his pocket. "I'm all ready."

"What have you been reading?" Felix asked as they started down the hall and toward the doors leading outside. "Now that classes are over I have a lot more time, but I got stuck in the D's on the classic books list," he confessed, noting his pet project to read his way through classic English literature -- alphabetically by author.

"Oh, well you've a while until you get a Wilde then," Remus said with a little smile. "I'm reading The Picture of Dorian Gray. It's very good. Apparently quite scandalous in its day, though not impressive in that regard by modern standards."

"That's the play that Drama did last year! Victor played Dorian. Oh, and I saw the film, which was very pretty." Felix had put that version of Dorian on his Fictional Boyfriends List, by it seemed the wrong time to mention that.

"It's a bit too sunny for the hedge maze, isn't it? Maybe over at the edge of the trees?" he suggested as they stepped outside.

Remus nodded, perfectly happy to just follow along. "Your skin is so fair, I imagine you burn very easily."

Strangely, it made Felix happy that Remus noticed his skin. "I make it a point not to find out. Also, Benton is my roommate now, and he's very concerned about safety. I've sunscreened," he assured Remus with a little smile. The sunglasses protected his eyes on the stroll across the lawn, toward the rustling shade of the large trees surrounding the mansion.

"Are you getting a new roommate?" Felix asked, leading the way to a nice flat spot without bothersome tree-roots or anything. He set the basket down and attempted to figure out how to un-fold the blanket.

"Not yet," Remus said. "But I imagine I will. Don't you think there will be more students before the new term starts? Oh, this is a nice start." He bent down to take one end of the blanket to help Felix spread it out in the grass.

"Thank you," Felix laughed, relieved at the assistance. They managed to find the corners and spread the blanket out on the ground, and Felix quickly placed the basket on it to keep the blanket secure from the warm summer breezes. He stepped onto it carefully after, and settled himself down. "I'm sure we'll have lots of new classmates before the new semester. I almost can't believe I'll be an upperclassman in the fall.

"I do hope you like fried chicken," Felix chatted, hoping he sounded pleased and relaxed, and not as brimming with nervous energy as he felt.

Remus nodded enthusiastically as he sat down on the blanket, sitting at what he hoped was the correct distance away. "It's been a year and I still can't get over how nice it is to have good food whenever I like," he said with a little laugh. "I've even gained a little weight, I think." He did, in fact, look less malnourished than he had.

Felix opened the basket, seeming to have no issue with Remus' proximity, so he'd chosen well. He lifted out a foil package of chicken carefully, as it was still quite warm, and opened it up to let the steam escape. A plastic bowl of cold potato salad was packed separately alongside two bottles of lemonade, once frozen, now quickly becoming drinkable again. Some fresh strawberries and a bag of biscuits completed the tidy little meal, all labeled with the name of a deli in Salem Center. Utensils, napkins, and sturdy paper plates emerged from the bottom.

"You do look very healthy?" he offered, in hopes that was a compliment. "The doctor said I had to have Simon check me, so I did, and it wasn't awful at all. He even said I haven't finished growing yet. So I feel justified in getting seconds sometimes," Felix added with a smile.

"Perhaps you'll get taller," Remus said with a little smile. "I do feel a bit healthier... well, some of the time, I suppose. Now is good. In between the full moons, the farther I'm out, the more normal I feel."

"You're perfectly normal," Felix answered, sounding a bit insistent about it. He handed Remus one of the chilled bottles of lemonade, and gestured for Remus to help himself to lunch. Felix was very particular about how his food was arranged; it was usually best to let others serve themselves first. Besides, he wanted a strawberry first. "You're Remus. That's what I like best about you."

"Thank you," Remus said, both to the offer of food and to the compliment, which made him blush just a little. "I'm not sure what that means, but thank you."

With a faint little giggle, Felix bit in to the strawberry, his eyes still smiling at Remus over it. The fruit left his mouth stained quite red. "Yes. Just like that. No one else here is quite like you, Remus."

Remus looked at Felix, his eyes lingering on the splash of red at his lips, which drew his eye. He was unable to look away. "I... well. I've never met anyone like you in my entire life. I imagine there's no one quite like you in the world."

"I should hope not," Felix answered, unable to keep his smile from beaming with pleasure. "Otherwise I would have to reinvent myself all over again."

Only then did he realize that Remus was watching a very particular part of his face. Felix couldn't, naturally, see his own mouth, so he presumed he must have a stray bit of strawberry juice progressing down his chin or something. He reached for a napkin, brows raising quizzically. "Oh, have I... ?"

"Oh." Remus shook his head, embarrassed. "No, it's fine. Just, the juice stained your lips. It's strangely fetching." He laughed, and took a drink of the lemonade.

Well, that was a decidedly odd sensation. Felix blinked at him, large-eyed behind his sunglasses, unsure how to respond. "You think I'm... ?" he began, but trailed off helplessly. Remus had said he was 'nice' many times, or unique, or smart, and Felix had always soaked it up with pleasure. But he wasn't sure Remus had ever mentioned Felix being attractive. Even just one small feature of him.

Actually, almost no one had. Philip said it was because Felix so obviously didn't want that kind of attention from anyone.

"Remus," he said, switching tactics, "you know that this is a date, right?"

Remus actually hadn't know. Or at least, he hadn't been sure. He looked down at his hands for a moment, trying to gauge how that made him feel. Frightened. Pleased. Amazed. Nervous. Very, very nervous. "I... didn't want to presume," he finally said. Then looked up at him. "You really wanted to go on a date with me?"

Remus' reaction was exactly the reason why Felix had chosen him. Even the smallest hint that went beyond fast friendship, and he was hesitant, careful, examining his own feelings and checking in on Felix's. Together, their mutual nervousness and uncertainty over-rode the two most dangerous things Felix could think of: the emotional bonding that could get Remus hurt, and the hormone-induced decisions that Felix still feared.

So it was safe, Felix thought, to smile at Remus, in the way that sometimes made it difficult for his friends to say no to him. As if no one else in the world could ever make him smile quite like that. "That's why I asked. I guess I should have done it sooner, hm?"

That smile... yes. It made Remus feel as if he would like to do whatever he could to make Felix do it as often as possible. He bit his lip briefly. "I'm glad you did. But I know I've been keeping to myself lately. I haven't... felt well. The last few moons were difficult. It's a little better now that it's summer, maybe."

Felix began gingerly nibbling on the food items he'd collected on his plate, but paused when Remus confessed to poor health. Of course, he'd noticed, and had been a little worried that Remus was just avoiding him. "You mean, because of your mutation?" In Remus' case, calling it a 'power' seemed sort of cruel.

Remus nodded, and took a bite himself. Felix had seen him after the full moon once, so he knew. "Afterwards I feel so drained, and sore. And just before, I don't feel like myself and so I tend to avoid people. It's just... I don't know. It's lonely."

Felix's frowned deepened over his chicken wing. He didn't like Remus looking sorrowful like that. Or being lonely. It was another odd sensation, to feel an uncomfortable squirming in his chest over someone else's feelings. "Surely someone would come and sit with you? So you didn't have to be lonely. Like Eames? Or... one of the teachers?"

He'd offer himself, but Remus had always avoided him near the full moons.

"It's not safe," Remus said quietly. "I mean, Sirius has even offered to stay with me as a dog, but I don't trust that he wouldn't get hurt. Where do you think these scars come from? It doesn't tend to be as bad as it once was, but when I turn I... I mean, it's vicious, as I understand it. If there's no one for the wolf to attack it turns on itself." He just couldn't talk about himself in first person, not like that.

He looked down at his hands, knowing that if he didn't just get this out now he'd probably never confess. "The first time I turned I nearly killed my mother. After that they locked me in a cage during the full moons."

Remus didn't have to confess anything to Felix, but if he wanted to say it, Felix knew it was wrong not to listen. Though Remus looked ashamed, sad, even regretful, his admission didn't spark those same feelings in Felix. It just made Felix angry.

"You're not a beast, Remus," Felix stated with a heat to his voice unlike his usual, carefully-monitored manner of speaking. "That's just something that happens to you. It isn't right to... to do that to a person."

Adults. Were they all like this? Shutting away smaller people, people who couldn't defend themselves, just because they felt like it?

"What else were they supposed to do?" Remus asked helplessly. "It's not like it's any different now, not really. I mean, it's a lot better than a cage, of course, the room I lock myself in. But it's the same idea. There just isn't really anything else to do. Professor Xavier has tried telepathy to see if he could unlock my own mind when I change, but... it didn't work. This is just how it is. I'm sorry, I don't mean to make you feel sorry for me. It is what it is. It's still so much better now than before I got here."

Felix could think of several things that Remus' parents could do, but he wasn't using that sort of language any longer. It did, however, take him a few seconds and a few aggressive bites of chicken to put together words that weren't completely comprised of four letters. He even took a second to wipe his mouth before he trusted himself to speak again. "I don't pity you, if that's what you mean. I wouldn't want that any more than you do. But it makes me angry that it's taken this long for anyone to even try to help you, and you've been hurt and alone all this time."
The truth was, Remus did see himself as a monster, in some ways. But he was also just grateful that things weren't as bad as they had been. He wouldn't go so far as to think he deserved any of this. "I'm just glad I'm here," he said. "Really glad." And he smiled at Felix, genuine despite the melancholy that had descended over them for a moment.

His temper somewhat mollified by Remus' smile, Felix sighed quietly. Remus really was very cute, and Felix wanted him to be able to keep smiling like that. "So am I," he agreed, willing to let his anger go in favor of something warmer and kinder for his friend. "I never had friends like you before I came here. I didn't think I'd ever meet someone who likes books as much as I do."

"I barely had friends at all before coming here," Remus admitted. "You... and Eames, and Pietro, and Sirius... I didn't know how much difference it can make just to have people who really care about you." He offered a little smile and added, "I miss Eames."

"He'd be at your side in an instant for a cuddle if he knew that," Felix told him with a small smile. "I'm sure he'd drag himself away from Arthur to make you happy."

"Oh, I imagine so," Remus said with a little smile. He took a bite of the chicken, and then said, not quite meeting Felix's eyes. "What do you think he would think of the two of us being on a date?"

Felix brightened measurably, poking the best bits of his potato salad onto a plastic fork. "I am almost entirely certain he would approve. Eames has been very supportive of all the new things I've tried. Plus, he adores you, so he'd approve of anything you decided to do." Felix paused, then laughed lightly. "Even though I sort of tricked you into it."

Remus laughed. "You didn't trick me," he said. "It's only that I would have been so embarrassed if I'd presumed and I was wrong. I mean, I... you did ask me to dance that time, but you were awfully drunk, Felix."

"That's the only reason I could ask you to dance!" Felix insisted, laughing lightly. "It took me all night to work up the courage. I'd never done anything like that before."

Remus offered him a nervous little smile. "I really don't know anything about this at all," he said. "I've never been on a date. Or... or anything, really. You were the first person that I ever even told that I like boys."

"That is a distinction of which I am still proud," Felix assured him. In truth, he was nervous, as well, but Remus' uncertainty meant that Felix would be safe, and that was all the certainty that he needed. There was no reason to tell Remus just how much more experience Felix had. "We'll figure it out, I'm sure. We can just... practice."

"I'm not completely sure how I'm supposed to act on a date differently than if it wasn't a date," Remus admitted sheepishly. "I just know you make me feel kind of... different. Nervous." He paused and then added hastily, "I mean, in a good way, if that makes sense."

Felix looked rather perplexed, but he was smiling, regardless. "If it's something that makes you feel good, then I'm happy to be the catalyst," he said, though he was fairly certain his ears were going pink.

"But Felix, there must be other boys who like you," Remus said, the words tumbling out of his mouth. "I mean you seem so... popular." Look at what they'd done for his birthday, after all.

Felix was glad he'd taken a bite and hand a plastic fork in his mouth when Remus said that, because it kept him from blurting out something ridiculously stupid like what are you talking about? Instead, he blinked wide-eyed at Remus, working through his bite until he could swallow and put the fork down.

"I... have... friends?" Felix suggested experimentally, really quite gobsmacked by the idea that he was popular. "You might not know, but, most of the boys, you know, like us? Are... they already have boyfriends. Or they're older." He glanced down. "Most of them still think I'm a child."

"You're sixteen," Remus said, frowning a little. But then he relaxed. "Sorry, I don't mean to... over analyze. It's just nice to spend time with you. Thank you for inviting me."

Remus wasn't wrong, but Felix had made it clear that he was not a romantic target. Mostly by withdrawing from physical contact with anyone. It really was his own doing.

He looked back up with a little smile for Remus, who always knew just what to say. "Next time can be your turn," he suggested, "since now you know I'll say yes."

Remus did wish that he knew how this was supposed to be different, since it was a date. Were they going to... oh god, were they supposed to kiss? Remus had no idea how to kiss. Did he want to kiss Felix? He thought maybe he did. But the thought of it also turned his stomach into knots.

"Next time I'll bake," he said with a smile. "Are you fond of chocolate, Felix?"

Felix seemed utterly unaware of any shoulds or expectations. Kissing was not on his agenda that day. Caius had, however, encouraged him to hold hands, if he felt all right about it. Still, Felix felt they had time to get around to that.

"Isn't everyone?" he answered, laughing. "I'm quite fond of it. I didn't know you knew how to bake."

"Oh, anyone can bake," Remus said. "It's only following a recipe. I learned to cook back home with what we had, which usually wasn't a lot, so the kitchen here is a treat." He smiled. "I really like chocolate."

Remus was so darling that Felix was more than happy to agree to whatever he wanted. "I could be your assistant? I don't know how to cook, but I've, you know, stirred things before. For Jean-Paul."

"Oh I'd love to have you help me," Remus said brightly, thinking that some company in the kitchen might be nice. "It would be fun!"

"You see?" Felix said approvingly. "We absolutely know what we're doing. We've already got our second date planned." Indeed, he looked very pleased about it, and indulged in another strawberry because of it. This time, he was more careful to wipe his mouth afterward.

Remus looked pleased as well, ducking his head a little and pushing his too-long hair from his eyes. "Good," he said. "Good. I'm glad. Yes, I think we're doing all right, all considered." He was a bit at a loss as to what to offer next. He wanted to know more about Felix, but didn't want to interrogate him. So he just said, "Will you tell me a happy story from your life?"

Though Felix's smile didn't change, he hid it behind a few bites of lunch, and something within him retreated instinctively. He didn't want to tell Remus that he had no happy stories before he came to Xavier's -- at least, none from his real life.

His dream life was different. A whole world of un-reality he'd constructed so carefully lived within his mind, so vital and real to him that Felix sometimes had trouble telling which life was truly real. It would be very easy to lie and pretend the dream-world was his life before the school: the cozy brownstone in a quiet city, with a vague mother and even more vague father, Jolene his little sister, their cat, the neighbors he'd created to live with him in a perfectly safe, perfectly ordinary world.

Felix glanced away, pretending to think. "Hm. I don't know that I was ever happier than when I came here. Everything before that just seems terribly insignificant."

"Oh I feel exactly the same," Remus said, not thinking anything strange of Felix's response. "I'm afraid I don't really have any stories of my own, but I thought perhaps you might." He smiled a little and then said, "But I am happy to keep to the present. I feel as if my life had not really begun until I came here."

Though Felix almost never reached out to others, what Remus said was such a tremendous relief that Felix actually touched the top of Remus' leg lightly, looking to him with a bright smile. "I feel just the same way. Like everything before was behind a sort of curtain, or like... I was someone else. I only really became me when I came here."

"I like who you've become," Remus said immediately. "I mean... even since I've known you, I can tell you've become more confident in yourself." More than Remus thought he could ever hope to be. "You're so, um." He blushed again, just a little. "Sparkly."

Felix laughed, sweet and warm, no matter Remus' blush. "I think that might be the best compliment I've ever received," he confided, and shifted his position, feet tucked under him, just a few inches closer to Remus. He didn't intend physical nearness as a reward for the adorable compliments, but it sort of ended up that way. "I feel like I'm just becoming who I'm supposed to be. I'm... um, I'm glad you still like that person."

As unaccustomed as Remus had been himself to physical nearness, he had gotten more comfortable with it thanks to Eames and Pietro. And he found now that he liked the idea of Felix being closer to him. "Sometimes I feel like a little of the sparkle might rub off on me."

Felix's brows went up, and he grinned. Very, very gently and with a retreating glance of pure shyness, he leaned and bumped his shoulder slightly against Remus'. "Maybe it will. But only as much as you want, I promise."

"Don't worry, I'll never outshine you," Remus said with utter sincerity. He ducked his head again, the hair falling in front of his face, and let his fingertips just barely brush Felix's knee.

When Remus got shy like that, it did almost make Felix want to... do something. Anxiety and memory stopped him from thinking too far down that path, but he did touch Remus' fingers lightly in return. It was tentative and almost fearful, but it was a touch. "I wasn't worried. You're perfectly darling exactly the way you are."

Remus was honestly kind of at a loss as to what someone like Felix might find appealing in him, but he had the sense not to voice that out loud. "I don't think anyone's ever called me darling before," he said instead.

"It happens with increasing frequency," Felix giggled quietly. He turned slightly, reached into the picnic basket, and offered Remus one of the oversized cookies the deli had included. "Here. It's sugar cookie with frosting. Extra sweet, just for you."

Remus smiled brightly at him as he took the cookie. "Thank you," he said. He was fond of sweets. He took a bite, frosting lingering on his lips, and he looked simply content.

Felix tried, he really did, to keep from intruding on Remus' personal space and let him figure out that he hadn't quite gotten all of the frosting. The idea of touching Remus again made him nervous, not just in the pit of his stomach, but all the way into the tips of his fingers. Only the observation that it seemed to make Remus just as nervous allowed Felix to feel at all OK about it.

He took one of the napkins, smiling shyly, and lifted it to Remus' mouth to dab at a bit of frosting. "Oh... here, you have... um..." A flush was quickly creeping over Felix's cheeks.

It caused Remus to blush a little as well, and he smiled sheepishly and brushed the last bit of it away himself. "It's good. Sweet. We'll make a chocolate cake," he said after a moment. "For our..." He hesitated. "For our next date."

Felix broke into a smile almost as bright as the afternoon sun, and felt quite lucky indeed that their first date wasn't even finished yet.