Remus & Felix - April 26, afternoon

[om_moony]

When Felix sees Remux the day after the full moon, Remus has no choice but to confide in him. Sweetness ensues.


Remus hadn't been in class that Friday. Felix hadn't known him for very long, but he did know that Remus always came to class, especially English. Maybe he was sick? If he was, maybe Felix could bring him a cup of tea or something.

After leaving his books in his room, Felix made his way over to Eames and Remus' room. As he lifted his hand to knock, he noticed that the door was already open just a crack. Even just the lightest of knocks made the door swing open further, and immediately, Felix felt both guilty for bothering Remus, and frightened for his friend.

Remus was in his bed, looking pale and exhausted and probably asleep, but what startled Felix the most was the large, ugly spread of bruises across the other boy's bare back. Gasping, Felix pressed his hands to his mouth, not knowing if he should stay or flee. Immediately, his mind jumped to one seemingly inescapable conclusion: someone had been hurting Remus.


Remus had been asleep on and off ever since Eames had left, and he felt somewhat better now already. He assumed that the nights he was a wolf he didn't sleep at all and so he was always exhausted after (probably, he assumed, from physical exertion as well) despite not remembering what he'd been doing. He didn't even remember taking his shirt off, though he was still warm and had probably tugged it off half-asleep. Now, he stirred a bit, squinting into the light... and he turned a bit to see Felix standing there in the doorway.

"... hi," he managed weakly, pulling the sheet up a little.



"Remus..." Felix managed to whisper, swallowing hard. When it had been Vance, hedging and hiding and trying to lie, Felix had done what he could to help, but Remus was a different story. The pain and injury were there right before his eyes, and Remus didn't look at all well. In fact, he looked simply awful.

As stupid as it felt to say, Felix stammered out, "You're... you're hurt."


Remus saw how genuinely upset Felix was, and realized with some surprise that he wasn't accustomed to that reaction. His parents had been the only ones to see him after his transformations, back home, and they were more scared of him than anything else. "It's okay," he said immediately, and felt a weird tug of guilt for making anyone worry about him at all. He managed to sit up a little, revealing his too-thin torso that had more scars that matched the ones on his face. He reached for his discarded shirt and tugged it on.


It's not! Felix wanted to exclaim, distressed both by Remus' state, and by his own reaction to it. It was sudden and visceral and horrible, and he hadn't felt that way before about someone else's pain. So he just blurted out the first thing that other kids always said to him when something wasn't right: "Did you tell the headmasters?"


"They already know," said Remus quietly. "It's okay, Felix, it's not... no one hurt me. It... it has to do with my mutation. Here, come in. Sit down." He nodded to the open door, and to the chair at his desk beside his bed.


Felix was trying to breathe and calm down, really he was, but all of his insides were squirming around in confusion. With small, shuffling steps, Felix inched into the room, telling himself sternly that Remus was the one in bad shape, not him, that this wasn't about him and he should do something for his friend. However, he closed the door behind him without a thought, because he knew Remus would never be a threat to him.

Obediently, he sat, but on the edge of the chair, watching Remus anxiously. "I ... didn't mean to wake you up," he said lamely, pressing his hands together.


"It's okay," said Remus gently. "I'm... I'm sorry to surprise you. You've been so nice to me, I probably should have told you what my mutation is, I just... it's not a good thing. I hate it. I..." Before Felix had to ask, he said, "I turn into a wolf. Once a month, only I don't have any control over it."


Felix drew in a soft breath of surprise, and bit his bottom lip. He didn't truly understand what Remus was saying, or how that contributed to his friend's current state exactly, but he could see how heavily it weighed on the other boy. The others who had mutations they couldn't control -- Ellie, Kevin -- always seemed miserable. Remus, by contrast, was so gentle and sweet.

"A... a wolf? I mean... you didn't have to tell me. But you... you're sure nobody hurt you?"


"No one hurt me." Remus looked down at his hands. "They locked me in a secure room, to contain me. The bruises... throwing myself against the walls, probably. It's been worse."

"Remus!" Felix's odd eyes grew huge and round. "You did that to yourself? Trying to get out?"


"I'm only assuming, I don't remember it." Remus sighed, and looked back up at him again. "When I transform I completely lose my mind. It's just... pain, and then I wake and it's ten hours or so later and I'm exhausted and bruised and bleeding. And the only thing I can hope is that I didn't hurt anyone else."


Felix still wasn't thinking very clearly, or very quickly. He shook his head a little, looking somewhat lost. "But you wouldn't! You're... you. Even you as a wolf wouldn't hurt anybody."


"The first time I turned I almost killed my mother," said Remus, looking away. "When I'm a wolf I'm not me."


"Oh, I... I didn't..." Felix stopped, made himself be quiet for a few seconds, bowing his head. He'd gotten himself worked up over his own issues, and Remus was obviously troubled. Maybe Felix's empathy circuits had never fully developed, but he had some basic sympathy.

"So somebody is hurting you, but, it's... you."


Remus nodded. "Basically... yes. This wasn't so bad though, really. It's better here. I mean, at home I was locking myself in a cage, and... I'm sorry, I know this sounds... I mean, I'm okay. Really. I'll be fine."


Slowly, Felix looked up, his expression doubtful as his gaze settled on Remus again. "You've got no reason to be sorry. You can't help it, any more than any of us can."


"I know. And as long as I don't hurt anyone... I'm okay. I can handle it. Things are better here." Remus offered him a little smile. "It's really nice of you to be worried about me."


That sounded like what Felix would have said to keep anyone from asking too many more questions. Maybe that was what Remus wanted. Slightly, he nodded. "I just... We're supposed to be safe here. Nobody gets hurt here. "


"We might even try other things," Remus admitted. "I mean... sedating me or something. Maybe even some telepathy might help, Professor Xavier said. It can only get better, really." Which was the nice way of saying it couldn't get any worse.


Felix pressed his mouth shut tight when Remus explained. Without even having to think about it, he knew he could help, and he knew just how he could help. And the idea of Remus under his sway, even if he did learn to control his power, made him feel as sick as seeing the bruises on his friend's back had done.

Though he was looking pale all over again, Felix managed to stammer, "The professor... he's... really powerful, so... if anybody could..."


Remus' eyes widened a little when Felix seemed to get upset all over again. "Felix, I promise I'm okay. Please don't worry about me. It's so sweet of you, but I can't stand to see you upset just because of me. I'm not... I mean, no one's really worried about me before..."


"It's not..." Felix started, too quickly, then realized how awful he must sound. He shook his head and tumbled to an awkward silence, looking down at his knees.

"I'm not sweet," he finally mumbled. "I'm... it's not the same as you, but... I'm dangerous, too. And I just... don't like that you got hurt. That's all."


Remus wasn't comfortable asking Felix what made him dangerous, not after he'd concealed his power for so long. So he only nodded and said, "Well, um..." Awkward pause. "Did I miss anything interesting in English class today?"


Felix swallowed firmly, refusing to allow himself to wallow when Remus was obviously trying to hard. When he looked up again, it was with a thin but determined little smile. "Hard to say. The most interesting thing about English class wasn't there."


Remus blinked, and then realizing what he meant, ducked his head and smiled, blushing a little. "Oh, I doubt my absence was that remarkable. I'll be back to normal before Monday, though. It's kind of nice when the full moon falls on or near the weekend."


Oh, Remus was much too sweet. Felix's smile strengthened a touch, just because the other boy was so adorable, trying to make the best of a truly horrible situation. "Is there... anything that makes you feel better?" he ventured, tentatively. "I could get you something?"


"Oh, I mostly just need to sleep, I guess," Remus said with a little shrug. "Though - " He hesitated, as if he hadn't meant to say anything, but then after a pause, got up the courage. "I don't suppose you might read to me, for a bit? I was trying earlier but had trouble keeping my eyes open."

What a weird mix of embarrassment and delight swirled together in Felix's chest at that, something he wasn't at all familiar with. It was a bit like when Warren smiled at him, but a little bit more bewildering somehow. "I can do that," he agreed readily, scooting to the edge of his seat. "What are you reading?"


Remus nodded over to his bedside table, where there was a library copy of The Great Gatsby. "It seemed very American," he said with a little smile.


Felix reached for the book, already familiar with it from the upcoming summer class' reading list. It was American -- from about a hundred years ago, but Felix wasn't about to contradict Remus. "Okay. Close your eyes and get comfortable," he instructed, as if he had any idea how to go about looking after someone. He opened the book to the marked page, and watched Remus for a few moments to be sure he was cozy again before he began to read.


Remus slid back down in the bed, pulling the blanket up around him, and sighed quietly as he closed his eyes. He listened, but it was perhaps only ten minutes before he was sound asleep.

Felix continued reading, quietly, for a little while even after he was fairly certain that Remus had fallen asleep. Once he reached the end of the chapter, he stopped, and looked up, just watching Remus sleep for a few breaths. It was tempting, very tempting, to close his eyes and slip into Remus' dreams to make sure they were pleasant and safe. He almost did it, but in truth, Felix knew it would be wrong.

Instead, he got up, found a nearby bit of paper and a pen, and left his note on top of Remus' Gatsby before he crept out of the room:

I can help you sleep if you ever need it. I won't say anything to anyone. Promise, Felix.